Can’t tell if it’s too hot outside? OSHA has an app for that.

by editor on August 25, 2011

We’ve always thought that many government workers were dumber than a rock, but this takes government mandated you can’t fix stupid to a whole new level.

Believe if or not, OSHA now has a new app for your smart phone that will tell you when it’s too hot outside.

dog-panting

Doesn't need an app to know when it's too hot outside

But the problem is the workers have to be in the area they’re trying to measure, which means they’re already outside — and therefore already know it’s hot.

Hell, even the IHTM dog knows enough to come inside when it’s too hot outside and he’s not even a very smart dog. If you’re so friggin’ stupid that you can’t tell if it’s too hot outside or not, how do you even hold a job to begin with? Well, considering some of the bureaucrats we’ve dealt with, we retract that question.

The government already gives out free cell phones via the Safelink Wireless program. We suppose this app will be an excellent excuse for them expand that program to give out smart phones to minimum wage workers and welfare queens nationwide.

We can hear King Obama now. “Vote for me and I’ll put a smart phone in every pocket and an EBT card in every wallet.” Can you think of a better way to maximize the use of your new Obama Twitter account to send out campaign messages to those poor voters?

Note to government workers: If you’re getting wet that probably means it’s raining.

– Written by CO2Insanity

Source: Fox News

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31 Comments on "Can’t tell if it’s too hot outside? OSHA has an app for that."

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Noelegy
Guest

I can see a series of Jeff Foxworthy-like jokes inspired by this.

“If your smartphone has to TELL you when it’s too hot outside…you might be a government employee!”

whiskeyriver
Guest

This story reminds me of all the fools that use a GPS thingy, instead of a road map, to get where they are trying to get to. I hear it every day, “My GPS said I needed to turn right in Albuquerque to get to Denver so how did I end up in Hodunk, New Mexico? I tell them all the same thing, quit using that GPS thing and learn how to read a roadmap. I also sell a lot of maps after I explain to these folks how to get back on the right track to where they want to go.

If you are too dumb to figure out how you got to Hodunk, why did you leave home? If you are so dumb you cannot step outside and think “Damn, it’s hot outside today” maybe you should just stay in your little cave and never go to the great outdoors.

danybhoy
Member

I use both GPS & old fassioned maps when I’m doing a roadtrip. Knowing how to use both is a good thing. The GPS helps me in the city, but rarely do I need it when I’m on the interstate.

BTW, Nice doggie photo. I like it.

poppajoe49
Member

I own atlases for the areas I used to drive all the time, but even with that, road signs kinda suck in some places. We got a GPS a couple of years ago when I got turned around on an interchange that had bad signage. Now I plan the trip out ahead of time and ignore many of the GPS instructions because they seem to want to take me out of the way, but still gets me where I need to go.

trackback

[…] Sadly, the app is only available on Android phones at the moment, but the iPhone and Blackberry apps should be available soon. HT: IHTM […]

MGAP
Member

This idea will never work for the intended audience. How they gonna get their iPhone up their ass to see if it’s hot with their head blocking the entrance? 😉

Babydoll102187
Member

Bill:” Hi Bob!”
Bob: “Hey Bill!”
Bill:”Boy, it sure is hot outside today.”
Bob:”I dont know about that, Bill.”
Bill:” What do ya mean, Bob?”
Bob:” Well let me check my phone, and I’ll tell you for sure.”
Bill: “Something wrong with your skin, Bob?”
Bob:” Nothing out of the ordinary, why do you ask?”
Bill:” ‘Cause you cant feel the temperature!”
Bob:” Oh I can feel the temperature just fine, Bill. But I cant know for sure if it truly is hot or not unless I check this new ap of mine. You see, my body can be telling me one thing, but without this ap here I wont know if my body is telling me the truth or not.”
Bill:”Something wrong with your brain then Bob?”
Bob: “Not that I am aware of, why?”
Bill: “You sounded like a Democrat for a minute there.”
Bob:” But I am a Democrat, Bill.”

FormerlyDeanH
Guest

Perfect. I like perfect…

Babydoll102187
Member

Thanks FormerlydeanH, but I cant take all the credit. I was channeling Norm and George while contemplating this as a possible modern day conversation between them. 🙂

Babydoll102187
Member

I knew when I first posted the above something wasnt quite right, but at 12:00 a.m. I couldnt place it. Well I realized last night while watching a rerun my mistake which I had wrote George when I ment Cliff. I wrote both name and character of the man when I had ment to write the name of his fellow cohort Cliff, played by John Ratzenberger. I do apologize for this flub up. Perhaps I should keep my post at a minimum after 11:00 p.m.

beanhead54
Guest

Bd 102187: Rated Awesome! What do you think?

I think they’re right. Awsome post, Bd!

BTW, Are there REALLY 102186 other Babydolls running around the Internet?

(Jebus, I hope she knows I’m j/k)

Babydoll102187
Member

I dont know if there are that many others, LOL! But its the birthday of the love of my life. (so i dont forget 🙂 )

AZ Dude
Member

“Note to government workers: If you’re getting wet that probably means it’s raining.” OR. . . the IHTM dog is peeing on your leg!

john_of_il
Guest

Ever see that Geico commercial were the smart people do stupid things with smart phones? Now, what happens when stupid people do stupid things with smart phone? Why can’t I go to Ax.com?

Noelegy
Guest

I know the commercial you’re talking about, and they don’t exactly refer to the PEOPLE in it as smart, just the phones. In fact, it’s the latest in the “White People Are Stupid” series of commercials.

john_of_il
Guest

Ok, I took some liberty with the actual commercial to make it fit my comment. Please don’t hate me. If you can’t make fun of white people who can you make fun of?

Noelegy
Guest

I don’t hate you! 🙂 I was just pointing out that the commercial seemed to go to extra trouble to portray the people with smart phones as not being smart themselves.

(what is a “brostache,” anyway?)

Joe Redfield
Guest

RE: Note to government workers.

Your advice must be submitted to the Precipitation Advisory Committee of the Bureau of Meteorological Phenomena for review before dissemination to workers. You must also be certified by the Council for Personal Behavior of the Department of Worker Oversight before dispensing such advice. Don’t let it happen again.

Sincerely,

B.B. Orwell
Assistant Undersecretary to the Associate Manager
Department of Internet Management

MGAP
Member

Brilliant.

brm
Member

B.B. Orwell
Assistant Undersecretary to the Associate Manager
Department of Internet Management

Ministry of Silly Walks

poppajoe49
Member

Joe Redfield, when did you work for the government?
You have that government doublespeak and “department of redundancy” stuff down cold!!

kirk
Guest

Although i find this article humerous i have to say it seems that you and the Govt. think we are Idiots them for even coming up with an App like this please don’t lump people that actually do the work of the Govt. into one big mold some of us like myself and I am sure others are trying our hardest to give the taxpayer myself included the best we can give at the worker level, we sure did not join up for the Money no matter what Limbaugh says. How about highlighting some of the good things i know its not easy to find but its out there, want more positive things?then extole the virtue of positive things.

mountainbiker21
Member

If you live in the U.S., the term is “employee” not “worker.” We aren’t the USSR, yet.

whiskeyriver
Guest

No, but we are quickly heading down the road to having the same standard of living as the good citizens of Russia. Partly because of the fools that think they work for the “government” when in reality they work for us, the taxpayer paying the bills.

Elrond Hubbard
Member

I’m sorry Kirk, did you say something?

whiskeyriver
Guest

Looking at your sentence structure, use of proper punctuation and capitalization, I have no doubt about it. You have to work for the gooberment because you are too damn dumb to get a real job.

Noelegy
Guest

Whiskeyriver, although I agree with your assessment, the sad truth is that good language skills simply aren’t valued anymore in our society. 🙁

Always Sunny In Hell
Member

I’m still trying to work out what exactly he was trying to say… Punctuation is important to make sure that the reader fully understands what you are trying to convey. Seems like the typical post I read from the Govt “Workers” recently, never really sure what they mean… kno wha I sayin?! The fact that you say “I’m sure others” means you don’t actively know anyone. That makes me sad 🙁
P.S Didn’t sign up for the money? If that’s true you need to give me a call, I could use some new employees!

Noelegy
Guest

“Punctuation is important to make sure that the reader fully understands what you are trying to convey.”

I majored in English, and I’ve been blessed with an intuitive grasp of spelling, punctuation, and grammar. It’s always come easily to me, and I understand that there are those for whom it does not come so easily, and I try to be sympathetic to that.

That being said, I work in a position where we must document each contact we have with Medicaid providers. It is crucial that the log notes we make be understandable by others. I’ve recently had to train a new hire, and although I did my best to be patient and helpful, at one point I had to take a break and go vent to a sympathetic colleage: “Is it too much to ask that we hire people with basic language skills?”

Seriously. I think people ought to have to pass some sort of minimum literacy test before being hired…

RockingHorseGuy
Member

My niece in PA is about to go back for her second year of college, studying for her teaching credentials. To read a text from her, you’d think she was flunking out of kindergarten. I’m not talking about using “text shorthand,” I’m talking about regular use of the wrong words, such as their=there, two=to=too.

FormerlyDeanH
Guest

The common mistake of a couple decades ago has turned ‘than’ and ‘then’ from one into the other, at least in most of the comments from youngsters I’ve witnessed. I frequently catch myself stubbing ‘too’ to ‘to’ too, so I won’t point that out any further, other than to say sometimes I don’t catch myself doing it and that ‘two’ never has been used by yours truly for any of the other ways to spell 2.

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