Global warming may drive aliens to destroy life on Earth. No, really.

by editor on August 19, 2011

Until now, the threats climate change cultists warned us about have been terrestrial: sea levels rising, year-round snowfalls, year-round heat waves, etc. That wasn’t enough to frighten change-denying terrorists, so now the believers are rolling out the big guns: aliens!

mars-attacks

On one hand the government says aliens don't exist. On the other hand, the government says aliens will destroy us.

Even the UK Guardian seems a bit skeptical:

It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

When Neil Armstrong said, “One small step for man…”, one of the lizard people said, “There goes the astronomical neighborhood.”

“Green” aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet.

Hmmmm. The aliens sound a lot like progressive Democrats.

“These scenarios give us reason to limit our growth and reduce our impact on global ecosystems.”

ETs may not like the growth that’s already here. We’d advise rich libs like Al Gore to move into eco-friendly huts pronto.

It would be particularly important for us to limit our emissions of greenhouse gases, since atmospheric composition can be observed from other planets,” the authors write.

It’s also important for us to limit our bullcrap emissions since it’s likely that frauds and hypocrites can be spotted from other planets, too.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: Guardian UK

Leave a Reply

33 Comments on "Global warming may drive aliens to destroy life on Earth. No, really."

Notify of
JustAl
Member

Here is a photoshop I did some time ago that fits perfectly.

comment image

Mary
Guest

So Aliens really are “Green”!

Does this mean if we pay even more money to Al Gore he will negotiate on our behalf with the aliens as well as educating those dastardly sceptics?

At least if it is true, they will be smart enough to aim for those people with the biggest ‘Carbon Footprint’ first. (Better duck Al !)

poppajoe49
Member

I think that the aliens will look at Al and see “the fatted calf”.

Neo-7
Member

I’m sorry but the word I believe you are looking for , is goat. In the grand scheme of things , there is a distinct difference between the sheep and the goats.
The sheep in the end will find rest. The goats…..

There are no sheep in that camp. Just goats and orcs.

Sidekick
Member

To Serve Man……..it’s a cookbook!

Omar
Member

I’ve been stocking up on 5.56 NATO thinking that the biggest threat will be a zombie apocalypse…You telling me that we’re gonna get invaded by aliens from another planet instead? Does that mean I need to start stocking up on chargers for my plasma rifle??? Dammit…

BarbR
Member

Looks like I’m going to have to start carrying my gamma ray gun again. It’s just so darned bulky.

KimmyQueen
Guest

and it clashes with my cute belts and other accesories!

drb
Member

Since this recession/depression has continued for so long, I can no longer wear my cute belts; they have become way to big. I have resorted to a short length of rope to keep my pants up. It’s more fitting to my hillbilly/redneck lifestyle anyway 😉 and my bedazzler does wonders with a burlap sack! Dang, I look good. 8)

RockingHorseGuy
Member

Jethro style. I love it.

KimmyQueen
Guest

LMAO! You go on girl! Do your thang!

drb
Member

Quick, somebody start playing some Slim Whitman records!

Paden
Member

So E.T is headed back to Earth and this time he’s pissed! E.T is coming to kick the ass’s of the non believers and set things right.
Oh but lucky for Earth we have Super Gore, “Man of Steal” to protect us from the rampaging space liberal.
Only Super Al can save Earth from the space greenie, all we need do is “redistribute” a little more wealth and Al will unselfishly save us from our selfs and the cosmic hippie.
E.T the space liberal is really a capitalists at heart and he wants his “cut”.
No problem for Super Al, he’ll just squeeze more money from his victims..er I mean supporters.

KimmyQueen
Guest

“Hmmmm. The aliens sound a lot like progressive Democrats.”
You go that right. That is exactly what I was thinking up to that point in the story.

It also sounds like that really bad Keanu Reeves remake he made a few years ago. I don’t remember the name, but he is an alien who came to Earth to take out the innocent animals and destroy the world because we were being mean to the world and one another and blah blah blah stupid environmental crap.

So this is not really a very original idea. I bet these are others who got PhD’s somehow and really want to be called Doctors. Whatever… This sort of crap bores me, they need to get their act together and find something else to do. They could try selling cars (that are lemons), there they will find enough fools to make them happy.

poppajoe49
Member

LOL!
I just got this in my email from TPN and posted it in Tips!

PsychoDad
Member

” The aliens sound a lot like progressive Democrats.”

You kidding? That’s like a Greenpeace/Al Gore/IPCC wet dream.

Fleet Commander Gryyx-Mopork
Guest
Fleet Commander Gryyx-Mopork

Nonsense! Nothing to it! What a dumb idea.

BarbR
Member

LOL! Aye-aye, Commander.

Tesslea
Member

Interesting for many, ridiculous to others. Global warming, did we cause it… NO maybe we contributed to a miniscule amount of it but don’t go blaming that crap on me. And I’m in Texas, I’ve been enjoying the 105, 106 degree days we’ve been having. I go sit outside and read in it doesn’t bother me in the least. Unlike many whiny morons who won’t let their kids go out to play while mine are out in it at football practice, riding their bikes and hanging out with their friends, amazing they’ve been just fine all summer long. Like aliens would care what was going on here if they are out there they’re probably have a good laugh at how ignorant most on this planet are…

RockingHorseGuy
Member

Actually, they’ve been wanting to invade us all along, but our temperature here is just a bit too high for their comfort. If we suddenly all got on the global warming bandwagon, and lowered the global temps about 0.3 degrees, that’s when they will attack. Drill, baby! Drill!

Mike F.
Member

Someone should tell them it wasn’t a report, it was the script for the remake of “The Day the Earth Stood Still”. I understand the confusion because I too would expect an alien from space to look and act like Keanu Reeves.

Buck O'Fama
Guest

Report, script, tomato, tomahto…. the money’s all coming from the same place.

KimmyQueen
Guest

LOL I posted before I read the comments. That is EXACTLY the script for that movie. I forgot the name of it. It was bad and stupid and so is this “report”.

BarbR
Member

They are obviously getting far too much funding.

hologram5
Member

Are you kidding me? They really expect people to fall for this snake oil crap? Wow! I’m just speechless. These spin masters really must be getting desperate.

RKae
Member

What’s weirder and dumber than Gaia worship? How ’bout being upset about what other people are doing to their planet several hundred light years away!

So not only is there a “correct” climate for the Earth, but people who don’t even live on the Earth are upset because we’re about 2 degrees off of that correct climate. Huh?

Global Warming belief is truly moving into the territory of a serious mental illness.

CaliforniaDave
Member

And worshiping Mother Earth won’t make Mother Earth be any nicer to you.

Picture one of these folks with their house in ruins thanks to rain/earthquake/tsunami waves. They cast their eyes skyward – “Why did you do this to me, O Mother Earth? I WORSHIPED YOUUUUU!”

The Earth doesn’t care. It doesn’t care if you are good or bad, rich or poor, strong or weak.

It doesn’t care.

KimmyQueen
Guest

I think that Gaia worshippers have a highly exalted sense of self. Seriously we are THAT important that if this world burns off or freezes some people from who knows where outside the Planet are going to care? Planets and stars go supernova and are destroyed for whatever reason every day. Whatever happens will happen no matter how careful or careless we become. It is what it is.

Neo-7
Member

Wink-wink—- ” You people should not fear what you don’t understand. You’re just a bunch of alienphobes . It might not be as bad as you might think. Until someone can prove to me wrong , I’m just assuming they will be bringing us their advance green technology , including their all green spaceships. No more polluting airplanes . No more polluting cars. NO MORE POLLUTING HUMANS . Its a win , win for all of universal-kind. We will be in nirvana as , until again , someone can prove me wrong , their motto is ” To Serve Man “.
What can possible go wrong with that ?—– Oblivious and her kind.

Joe Redfield
Guest

Now I’m really confused. According to Herr Professor Krugman, an alien invasion would force us to raise the debt ceiling to ten million trillion dollars, thereby assuring permanent economic prosperity…no, wait that was a fake alien invasion. Now the Greens are saying that their interstellar cousins are not fake, but would destroy us in order to save our planet…hmm. As usual, too much pondering about the pronouncements of Progressives is making my brain hurt.

CO2Insanity
Admin

We’re already under attack by illegal aliens.

whiskeyriver
Guest

And all 535 of them work on planet Washington, in the galaxy of D.C.

Brian K Hines
Guest

I saw this story last night before I went to sleep and I was cracking up laughing. The funniest part was I posted a short story on my website yesterday morning with the exact same scenario. It was really more of a critique on the media, but it had the same underlying story with the aliens attacking. Kind of humorous that I could write a piece of fiction and NASA had the same idea but were serious.

wpDiscuz