Letter to the Editor: R. Coddington Fahrnsworth on federal salaries

Maybe one day we will all work for the government – the ultimate goal of our beloved President Barack Obama, praise his name.

Dear I Hate the Media and We Liberal Truthtellers Loathe You Right Back,

I woke up at 10 a.m. to telecommute to an early meeting on the use of capital letters in official government correspondence when I heard a bunch of Conservative loudmouths on my shower radio spouting off about small businesses being “the backbone of our economy.”

Pshaw.

Nothing could be further from the truth, but I should expect as much disinformation from the NeoCondrethal likes of Rush, Beck and Hannity – the three ogres of bogus.

As important government officials and supporters of the arts, my colleagues and I are well-paid for our endeavors.

r-coddington-fahrnsworth-limo
When he's not telecommuting, R. Coddington Fahrnsworth braves traffic in the back seat of a government-issued limo

According to your little Conservative rag, the Washington Times, more than 77,000 federal employees are paid more than state governors.

These include air traffic controllers, librarians, and interior designers. Obviously, it’s much more important to ensure that rooms in office buildings flow with correct chi than it is to run a state like North Dakota or Alabama.

Simple economics: By paying government officials, like myself, exorbitant salaries this country remains economically solvent. We return this investment by producing reports on the mating habits of the eastern Tennessee slug worm. We also return this money to the local economies by shopping at Trader Vic’s and Whole Foods.

Hopefully, as salaries continue to soar higher for federal employees, more people in the private sector will abandon their cute little hair salons and haberdasheries to attain more meaningful work as public servants – provided the public pays really, really well for its servants.

Maybe one day we will all work for the government – the ultimate goal of our beloved President Barack Obama, praise his name.

I’m sorry. I can’t write any more. I’m all misty at the thought.

Sincerely,

R. Coddington Fahrnsworth                                                                       Entrusted servant of the public good and genius

The Strange Case of Barack Jekyl and Obama Hyde

Our president is a Jekyl and Hyde character. Barack Jekyl is clueless about the economy and Obama Hyde is hell-bent to cause more destruction.

We’ve learned our president is a Jekyl and Hyde character. Barack Jekyl is completely clueless about how to improve the economy and Obama Hyde is hell-bent to cause more destruction.

schizophrenic cap
Which Barack Obama will we get today?

US News profiles the destructive alter-ego in action:

Two new EPA pollution regulations will slam the coal industry so hard that hundreds of thousands of jobs will be lost, and electric rates will skyrocket 11 percent to over 23 percent, according to a new study based on government data.

“Many of these severe impacts would hit families living in states already facing serious economic challenges,” said Steve Miller, president of the American Coalition for Clean Coal Electricity.

Just a hunch, but we figure those are states he didn’t figure to win next year. To continue…

The industry says the costs and potential to lose four jobs for every new clean energy job created isn’t worth the rules, especially in a job-starved economy.

Raising the price of electricity for strapped families while putting more workers out of jobs. Obama’s focusing like a laser on the economy so he can vaporize it. But there is an upside, they claim:

…officials said that just one of the rules to cut sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxide emissions will would yield up to $290 billion in annual health and welfare benefits in 2014.

And the stimulus will reduce unemployment below 8%. And Obamacare will reduce the deficit. The next time this bunch’s numbers prove correct will be the first.

Multiple personalities or not, we wish he’d imitate a job and vanish.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: US News

Why, that Anthony Weiner fellow is a bit of a scofflaw

“If you are a congressman, you aren’t supposed to be switching out your plates. I guess that’s the least of his worries.”

The news has not been kind to former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner lately. Not kind at all.

As if L’Affaire De Junk wasn’t difficult enough for the poor, unfortunate New Yorker, he’s now embroiled in another controversy. And this one, like its more famous cousin, is entirely of his own making.

weiner-pathfinder
Who would have guessed that the official Weiner mobile is a 1988 Pathfinder?

The New York Daily News delivers:

When Weiner (D-Queens, Brooklyn) was photographed by the Daily News fleeing the Capitol in his Nissan Pathfinder, it was clear the July 2007 registration sticker in his window was expired, and there was no inspection sticker to be seen. Weiner, through a staffer, said the 1988 Nissan Pathfinder was registered in New York State.

Not so, said the state Department of Motor Vehicles.

The New York license plate bolted on Weiner’s Pathfinder – US Congress 9 – had expired as of 2006, according to the DMV.

“That license plate should not be on a car,” a DMV spokeswoman said. It wasn’t even issued to the Pathfinder, but to another one of Weiner’s cars, a Honda, according to vehicle records.

Valid plates were issued to Weiner’s Pathfinder, but they don’t have the helpful words “US Congress” on them, and so look less official. It’s unclear what happened to those plates.

Unclear? We think not. He’s obviously hiding them in his underpants.

“Switching around license plates is what criminals do,” noted a retired Brooklyn accident investigator. “If you are a congressman, you aren’t supposed to be switching out your plates. I guess that’s the least of his worries.”

Now that Weiner’s not a big shot, loudmouth Congressman anymore, we suspect he may have to pony up the money to take care of this little problem.

Either that or slip a New York copy $20 next time he gets pulled over.

Source: New York Daily News

Hey, let’s drain the swamp! We need room for our own alligators.

The most transparent President in history told us that they are “taking government back.” Unfortunately he failed to mention that he is giving it to his buddies.

The most transparent President in history told us that they are “taking government back.” Unfortunately he failed to mention that he is giving it to his buddies.

Fox news has the details of a presidential candidate who said of cynics, lobbyists and special interests, “They get the access while you get to write a letter. They think they own this government. But we’re here today to take it back.”

jay-carney
White House Press Secretary and Chief Alligator Wrangler Jay Carney

But then those pesky ugly things called ‘facts’ turned up. As Fox News reports, “A new report by iWatch claims the Obama administration gave 200 of its biggest campaign donors key assignments within the government or granted their business interests with federal contracts.”

Pity the poor, persecuted Obama administration. They constantly have to educate the poor, unwashed masses they represent that they have – in the words of White House Secretary Jay Carney “the highest ethical standards and …bold transparency.”

What about those 200 jobs for donors? A mere coincidence, according to Carney. “[O]ur ethical standards are unmatched by any previous administration,” Carney said at the White House press briefing. “Our efforts at transparency are unprecedented. And that’s not just me saying it, it is outside groups who have said that. So I think that the fact that individuals who have been appointed also supported the President is hardly a story.”

Carney failed to mention what outside groups have been singing the praises of Obama’s transparency, leaving us to guess as to whether this means groups like SEIU, Moveon.org or maybe even the DNC.

The article also says, “The press secretary also stated himself as an example for someone who hadn’t given a lot of money, but still has a job with the administration.”

If we were Carney, we probably wouldn’t brag too loudly about that.

– Written by Patrick Michael

Source: Fox News, iWatchNews

Sign of the day: The problem with being a terrorist

A reader sent us this photo. We have no idea where it came from, but if we had to guess we’d say it looks like somewhere in Alaska.

A reader sent us this photo. We have no idea where it came from, but if we had to guess we’d say it looks like somewhere in Alaska.

Anyone know more about it? Where it was posted? Who posted it? If the author would like to write for IHateTheMedia.com?

king salmon terrorist sign

H/T: Ray

Hide the decline: Sunspots, magnetic activity and global cooling

Some unusual solar readings, including fading sunspots and weakening magnetic activity near the poles, could be indications that our sun is preparing to be less active in the coming years.

We take climatology and global warming seriously here at IHateTheMedia.com because we have bets on which eco-celebrity’s beachfront property will be flooded first by the rising oceans.

Unfortunately our path to riches was recently dealt a setback by space.com:

sunspot-earth
Sunspot big. Earth small. 'Nuff said.

Some unusual solar readings, including fading sunspots and weakening magnetic activity near the poles, could be indications that our sun is preparing to be less active in the coming years.

… the recent findings indicate that the activity in the next 11-year solar cycle, Cycle 25, could be greatly reduced. In fact, some scientists are questioning whether this drop in activity could lead to a second Maunder Minimum, which was a 70-year period from 1645 to 1715 when the sun showed virtually no sunspots.

We thought the “Maunder Minimum” was the cover charge at a cheesy nightspot, but it’s something worse:

The Maunder Minimum coincided with the middle — and coldest part — of the Little Ice Age, during which Europe and North America were subjected to bitterly cold winters. Whether there is a causal connection between low sunspot activity and cold winters has not been proven; however, lower earth temperatures have been observed during low sunspot activity.

Those folks should’ve used windmills and driven their SUVs less. Oh, wait….

We don’t deny earth’s climate is changing because it’s constantly changing. And we don’t deny human activity affects climate because humans are part of the ecosystem. We do, however, deny that ceding control of our lives to politicians and pinheads is going to change that.

They also know this, but a successful conman never reveals the con.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: Space.com, Answers.com

Obama promised woman a better life. Now she’s selling his hand-written letter to avoid eviction.

Destiny Mathis, who dedicated herself to getting this charlatan elected, isn’t getting the kind of help she expected from her President.

Destiny Mathis, one of the gullible ObamaBots who dedicated herself to getting this charlatan elected back in 2008, isn’t getting the kind of help she expected from her President.

The Daily Mail UK explains her heartbreaking situation:

destiny-mathis
"How much am I bid for this hand-written letter from Barack Obama?"

Opening the handwritten letter from President Obama brought a glimmer of hope to her life as he promised her that things would get better for her and her family.

And despite the fact Destiny Mathis, from Hobart, Indiana, treasured the letter, more than two years later she has no choice but to sell it as she and her three children face eviction from their home.

The 26-year-old was an avid campaigner for Mr Obama in 2008, getting T-shirts made and encouraging people in her neighbourhood to vote.

Back then her life was tough but she had hope for her own future and the future of America.

She graduated top of her class in 2005 and was working as a surgical technician while also helping her mother, who was battling cancer at the time.

She said: ‘I campaigned for him hard. I got the shirts made, the Barack the Vote shirts made. We’ve done a lot.’

We initially felt badly for Destiny. Then we noticed something about the photo that came with her story – the one that showed the 26-year old with her three kids, including a baby and another one that’s still young enough to suck on a bottle.

Our questions for Destiny:

Did it ever occur to you to keep your knees together rather than cranking kids out on an assembly line?

If you graduated from school in 2005 and have had at least two kids since then, how much have you actually worked since you got out of school?

If you were unable to work because you were either pregnant or raising your children, have you been on welfare?

Where’s the father or fathers of your children? He or they seem to be conspicuously absent from this story and your personal finances.

And finally, Destiny, how’s that hopey changey thing working out for you?

Source: Daily Mail UK

Operation Fast and Furious is very damn curious

You can’t help but notice that issues that fall within the Justice Department’s purview, like controlling borders and preserving voting rights, don’t interest Attorney General Eric Holder.

You can’t help but notice that issues that fall within the Justice Department’s purview, like controlling borders and preserving voting rights, don’t interest Attorney General Eric Holder. He isn’t a golfer so just how does he spend his time?

holder-issa
Attorney General Eric Holder should probably plan on spending the summer with Rep. Darrell Issa

Congressman Darrell Issa’s committee was also curious:

“Fast and Furious” is the moniker for the Obama administration program that purposely released hundreds of sophisticated rifles, handguns and other weapsons to members of the Mexican drug cartels in an effort to link their users to crimes.

“ATF agents have shared chilling accounts of being ordered to stand down as criminals in Arizona walked away with guns headed for Mexican drug cartels,” Issa said. “With the clinical precision of a lab experiment, the Justice Department kept records of weapons they let walk and the crime scenes where they next appeared. To agents’ shock, preventing loss of life was not the primary concern.”

The DOJ sells guns to drug gangs while simultaneously suing states trying to intercept them at the border. Sounds like a movie plot about a cop on the take.

The report gets curiouser and curiouser:

The shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords created a “state of panic” within the group conducting the operation as they initially feared a “walked” gun might have been used. (p. 38)

The media told us Sarah Palin’s metaphors were responsible. We smell a journalistic rat, or rather a nest of them, creating a smokescreen to cover Holder’s (and Obama’s) butt. Where there’s smoke, there’s often fire, in this case gunfire.

Something here smells, and we ain’t talkin’ roses.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: Newsflavor.com, Washington Examiner

Red faces in the Obama administration: Green cars not so green

An electric car owner would have to drive at least 129,000km before producing a net saving in CO2. Many electric cars will not travel that far in their lifetime.

Obviously, we exaggerate. Not about green cars not being green, but about red faces in the Obama administration. This bunch proved long ago that they are beyond being embarrassed by any of their actions.

But let’s get back to the green car myth with The Australian:

obama electric car
"It's for the environment" has joined "It's for the children" in the pantheon of plaintive liberal wails

Electric cars could produce higher emissions over their lifetimes than petrol equivalents because of the energy consumed in making their batteries, a study has found.

How is that possible? We’ve been told that electric cars would cure all our ills.

An electric car owner would have to drive at least 129,000km before producing a net saving in CO2. Many electric cars will not travel that far in their lifetime because they typically have a range of less than 145km on a single charge and are unsuitable for long trips. Even those driven 160,000km would save only about a tonne of CO2 over their lifetimes…

The study was commissioned by the Low Carbon Vehicle Partnership, which is jointly funded by the British government and the car industry. It found that a mid-size electric car would produce 23.1 tonnes of CO2 over its lifetime, compared with 24 tonnes for a similar petrol car. Emissions from manufacturing electric cars are at least 50 per cent higher because batteries are made from materials such as lithium, copper and refined silicon, which require much energy to be processed.

Electric cars. The vehicles we’ll all drive on the road to ruin.

H/T: The Australian

Obama: You know what this economy needs? More blacksmiths and buggy whip manufacturers.

Those enlightened progressives, they understand and cherish science and the advances it brings us. Right?

Don’t forget. It’s the Republicans who are anti-science. You know, troglodytes who believe in a flat earth and think that Adam and Eve lived with dinosaurs and that the universe was created sometime back in about 1954.

But those enlightened progressives, they understand and cherish science and the advances it brings us.

So how about if you just ignore what President Obama said on Monday.

FOX Nation reports:

President Obama explained to NBC News that the reason companies aren’t hiring is not because of his policies, it’s because the economy is so automated. … “There are some structural issues with our economy where a lot of businesses have learned to become much more efficient with a lot fewer workers. You see it when you go to a bank and you use an ATM, you don’t go to a bank teller, or you go to the airport and you’re using a kiosk instead of checking in at the gate.”

Got that? Unemployment is caused by ATMs and ticket kiosks at airports. If technology is the problem, won’t more technology only make things worse?

Why if we could just go back to the horse and buggy days, everyone would have a job. Unfortunately, most of those jobs would be street cleaners responsible for sweeping up the vast quantities of horse manure in the streets, but what the hell, a job is a job.

This does demonstrate, however, how far we’ve come. Back before the invention of the internal combustion engine, all the horse manure was in the streets. Now it’s in the Washington, DC.

Have an extra $10,000 lying around? Good news! You can have your photo taken with Michelle Obama!

Ahhh, memories, misty watercolor memories of the way we were. Surely you understand and share our sense of excitement.

It’s the kind of thing that will go down in family lore. “Look. There’s Grandpa Administrator with the First Lady.” Or “Back in 2011, your Uncle Editor was lucky enough to have this photo taken with Michelle Antoinette.”

angry michelle obama
The first three contributors got photos of a smiling First Lady. The next 497 got the real snarling, angry Michelle.

Ahhh, memories, misty watercolor memories of the way we were. Surely you understand and share our sense of excitement.

The Daily Caller has the details:

If Barack Obama’s worried about finding enough cash for his 2012 election campaign, he needn’t be — his wife’s got it covered.

The First Lady charged lucky — and wealthy — bidders a whopping $10,000 to have their photograph taken with her at a fundraising luncheon today in Los Angeles.

With 500 attendees, it means Michelle Obama could have netted up to $5 million just for smiling at the camera, on top of the $1,000 each person paid per plate.

Just one problem. How are they going to get someone as bitter and angry as the First Lady to smile 500 times?

Source: Daily Caller

Janet Napolitano: Profile Muslim men under 35? Why would we want to do that?

Seemed reasonable to us that profiling young Muslim men might just help stop a bit of terrorism. Luckily Janet Napolitano showed us the error of our ways.

Once again, our gut instincts have been proven wrong by the geniuses in the Obama administration.

Seemed reasonable to us that profiling young Muslim men might just help stop a bit of terrorism. Luckily, Director of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano is on the job to show us the error of our ways.

NewsBusters.org has the transformational information:

According to Janet Napolitano, concentrating terrorist screening efforts on young Muslim men is “not using good logic.”

Her response came after a reporter in the audience asked, “Why wouldn’t the Department focus more of its attention on the category of individuals that turned up most often as the suspect?”

Napolitano retorts, “You’ve got to use actual intelligence that you receive…All you’ve given me is status, not a technique, a tactic, a behavior.”

We’ve been racking our brains trying to come up with an example of terrorism that wasn’t committed by a young Muslim man, but we just can’t come up with one. Shoe bomber, young Muslim man. 9-11 hijackers, young Muslim men. Underwear bomber, young Muslim man. Fort Hood shooter, young Muslim man. Times Square bomber, young Muslim man.

“You’ve got to use actual intelligence…” Good advice for everyone in the Obama administration, Ms. Napolitano.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5IRdiMwYnY

H/T: NewsBusters.org

Fraud alert: Here’s why we hate the free government cell phone program

WTF? Can someone explain to us why someone can afford a house full of fancy electronics yet still qualify for a free government cell phone?

We’ve run numerous articles about the Safelink Wireless free government cel phone program. As we’ve said many times, it’s a program that’s ripe for, and undoubted rife with, fraud.

Of course, the articles we’ve run are always followed by dozens (sometimes hundreds) of comments from people who call us cold-hearted bastards who lack even a shred of human decency.

[ad-1985977]

They may be right about that, but we’re right about the potential for fraud. Want proof? Check out the following police incident report from ENCtoday.com, which calls itself “Eastern North Carolina’s source for news and information.”

Incident reports

The following incidents were reported by the Kinston Department of Public Safety and the Lenoir County Sheriff’s Office:

… On June 9, a woman on Norline Drive, La Grange, reported someone broke into her residence and stole the following: A Dell computer valued at $200; a 50″ Panasonic flatscreen TV valued at $1,000; a Wii game system valued at $250; an RCA stereo system valued at $100; a Belkin wireless router valued at $70; a Safe Link cell phone valued at $0.

WTF? Can someone explain to us why someone can afford a house full of fancy electronics yet still qualify for a free government cell phone?

Or is there now some free government 50” flatscreen TV scam, too?

Source: ENC Today

New York Times says Congresswomen don’t have sex scandals, ignores widely-known liberal case

According to the New York Times, women in Congress just don’t get involved in sex scandals:

According to the New York Times, women in Congress just don’t get involved in sex scandals:

“I’m telling you,” said Representative Candice Miller, a Michigan Republican, “every time one of these sex scandals goes, we just look at each other, like, ‘What is it with these guys? Don’t they think they’re going to get caught?’”

candice-miller
Republican Candice Miller is unlikely to get involved in a sex scandal. Very few men want to sleep with a woman who looks like the Quaker Oats guy.

Ms. Miller’s question raises an intriguing point: Female politicians rarely get caught up in sex scandals. Women in elective office have not, for instance, blubbered about Argentine soul mates (see: Sanford, Mark); been captured on federal wiretaps arranging to meet high-priced call girls (Spitzer, Eliot); resigned in disgrace after their parents paid $96,000 to a paramour’s spouse (Ensign, John) or, as in the case of Mr. Weiner, blasted lewd self-portraits into cyberspace. 

…But there may be something else at work: Research points to a substantial gender gap in the way women and men approach running for office. Women have different reasons for running, are more reluctant to do so and, because there are so few of them in politics, are acutely aware of the scrutiny they draw — all of which seems to lead to differences in the way they handle their jobs once elected.

All this is, of course, nonsense. It completely ignores the case of one current Southern California Congresswoman who is widely rumored to have bedded half the officers in the Pentagon.

She is, of course, a liberal Democrat, so the New York Times, Washington Post, Politico, Huffington Post, Media Matters and Daily Kos choose to ignore her indiscretions.

Why?

Because if she were a Republican her actions would threaten the very institutions of Democracy. But since she’s a Democrat it’s just a personal matter.

Source: New York Times

President Senator Marco Rubio makes his first speech on the floor of the Senate

Tuesday may go down in history as … well … historic. That’s the day future President Marco Rubio offered his first speech on the floor of the Senate.

Tuesday may go down in history as … well … historic. That’s the day future President Marco Rubio offered his first speech on the floor of the Senate.

Yeah, well, maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves just a little here, but we love this guy. His speech was built on the theme of “The New American Century” and highlighted what he called “the American miracle.”

“Indeed we do now stand at a turning point in our history,” Rubio noted. “One where there are only two ways forward for us. We will either bring on another American century, or we are doomed to witness America’s decline.”

Telegenic. Smart as a whip. A Reaganesque speaker. Hispanic. Conservative.

Ready for your close up, Mr. President.

Prominent Egyptian cleric urges all men, women and children to grow beards

Egyptian Salafists are trying to persuade other Muslims to grow beards to show devotion to Allah. You won’t believe their bizarre twist on Muslim tradition.

Salafists belong to a puritanical Muslim sect that has become associated with violent jihad. Now there’s a group of Egyptian Salafists that’s trying to persuade other Muslims to grow beards to show their devotion to Allah. But you won’t believe their bizarre twist on Muslim tradition.

bearded-muslim-woman
In the words of Stevie Wonder, "Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful," Allah willing

The Egyptian Gazette has the details:

These Salafists are calling for a million men to be bearded before the holy fasting month of Ramadan which starts in August.

“This freedom is a fruit of the January 25 revolution. In the presence of the [now disbanded] State Security Police under Mubarak, asking Egyptians to grow beards was like dreaming of touching the moon,” says Sheikh Safwat Hegzai, a Salafist cleric.

… Sheikh Mohamed Hassan, a veteran cleric with strong Salafist leanings, has lauded the campaign, hoping that 80 million Egyptians (this would include all Egypt’s women and children too) grow a beard like the Prophet Mohamed.

Secularists and liberals have denounced the campaign for a million Muslims to grow beards, saying the timing of such a campaign could lead to a rift in Egyptian society.

We would imagine that a nation of 80,000,000 bearded women will, indeed, cause a rift. It will also cause burqa sales to skyrocket.

Source: Egyptian Gazette

If Anthony Weiner’s life were a novel, which one would it be?

While we take no joy in another’s misfortune, getting the weiners out of Washington will help the economy and reduce unemployment; we’re all for that.

In the 1941 novel “What Makes Sammy Run?”, the title character was an amoral hustler who rose to the heights of the Hollywood studio system. The modern version would likely be about an amoral hustler already at the heights of his profession and desperate to avoid sinking out of sight.

anthony weiner
Separated at birth: Anthony Weiner and amoral hustler Sammy Glick

The NY Post fills in the details:

Even if scandal-stained Rep. Anthony Weiner didn’t want to stay in office, he needs to stay in office.

Unlike many of his peers in the House, Weiner doesn’t have a business or even a law degree to fall back on.

Weiner, 46, took home $156,117 in 2010, according to his federal tax returns released by his staff.

If he steps down, he could grovel to cable TV execs for talking-head “analyst” gigs that hopefully pay more than the $825 he gets for appearing on HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher.”

But with Weiner’s reputation in ruins, other lucrative jobs may be hard to get.

“He would most likely have to go to friends in the business sector, but he doesn’t have a financial background,” said political consultant Joseph Mercurio.

An individual with no real skills or experience writing laws that affect the lives of useful people. Sounds familiar for some reason. We note many other folks are unemployed for reasons OTHER than abusing positions of power, reasons like the Obamacare and “stimulus” bills Weiner and fellow tweeters championed.

While we take no joy in another’s misfortune, getting the weiners out of Washington will help the economy and reduce unemployment; we’re all for that.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: New York Post

But … but … but they’re electric: Bumper cars banned in Britain

Every once in a while environmentalists collide head-on with nanny staters. In this case, they collided in what used to be known as bumper cars.

Every once in a while environmentalists collide head-on with nanny staters. In this case, they collided in what used to be known as bumper cars. We say “used to be known” because the cars are still allowed, but bumping has been outlawed.

No. Seriously. You know it has to be true, because no one could possibly make up a story this moronic.

bumper-car-obama
In the nanny state, only the nanny staters are allowed to have fun

The Telegraph UK has the details:

Staff at all three Butlin resorts in Bognor Regis, Minehead and Skegness are instructed to ban anyone found guilty of bumping into each other in the electric cars equipped with huge bumpers.

Bemused customers who assume that the ‘no bumping sign’ is in jest are told to drive around slowly in circles rather than crash into anyone else for fear of an injury that could result in the resort being sued.

Telegraph columnist Michaal Deacon, who has just returned from a holiday at the Bognor Regis resort, said the experience was like “trundling round an exitless roundabout”.

“I’m not convinced that the dangers were great, given that the bumper cars were equipped with bumpers,” he said. “Seat belts, too. There were no airbags for the drivers, but it can be only a matter of time.”

Henceforth and forever more they shall be known as driving around in polite circles cars.

Source: Telegraph UK

Historic news: MSNBC anchor announces that LBJ was never elected President

This is surely going to be news to Barry Goldwater, the 36th President of the United States, who apparently defeated LBJ in the 1964 election.

Stop the friggin’ presses! MSNBC has breaking news!

The same network that chortles over Sarah Palin’s supposedly inaccurate comment about Paul Revere announced on Monday that Lyndon Baines Johnson was never elected President of the United States.

This is surely going to be news to Barry Goldwater, the 36th President of the United States, who apparently defeated LBJ in the 1964 election.

Far as we can tell, MSNBC is spending so much time leaning forward that they can’t be bothered with looking backward.

Surprise: Herman Cain announces that he’s not African-American

Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain says he does not like to be called African-American.

We love Herman Cain. Unfortunately, there’s something gnawing at our gut telling us that he’ll say something to self-destruct even before the media has a chance to destroy him, but we love him nonetheless.

Bloomberg reports that the Republican presidential candidate does not like to be called African-American:

herman cain
This is an American, not an African-American

“I am an American. Black. Conservative,” he said, punctuating each aspect of his self-identity. “I don’t use African-American, because I’m American, I’m black and I’m conservative. I don’t like people trying to label me. African- American is socially acceptable for some people, but I am not some people.”

What is it about the word “African” that the candidate doesn’t particularly appreciate?

“Most of the ancestors that I can trace were born here in the United States of America,” he said, hitting those last four words with a hammer. “And then it goes back to slavery. And I’m sure my ancestors go all the way back to Africa, but I feel more of an affinity for America than I do for Africa. I’m a black man in America.”

Far as we’re concerned, Cain is just getting this out of the way before the liberal media begins announcing that he’s not an authentic African-American because he doesn’t support all the typical liberal causes.

What could Herman Cain possibly know about being black? As we’ve learn in the last few years, you can’t be an authentic African-American unless you’re half white and were raised in Indonesia.

Source: Bloomberg

Readin’, writin’ and arithmetic go up in smoke in the Obama Justice Department

DOJ officials pressured the Dayton Police and Fire Departments to lower testing standards because not enough African-American candidates passed the written exam.

Looks like Eric Holder’s Justice Department has another racial fiasco on its hands. The Obama administration has decided that competence and qualifications are far less important to a fire department than racial quotas.

Please allow us to restate the problem: Competence and qualifications mean nothing. Race means everything.

dayton-house-fire
When your house is on fire, don't you hope the fireman who shows up got an 'A' on his test?

Big Government has the smokin’ hot story:

Judicial Watch uncovered hundreds of documents from the City of Dayton, Ohio, showing that Department of Justice (DOJ) officials pressured the Dayton Police and Fire Departments to lower testing standards because not enough African-American candidates passed the written exam.

In a rational world, the candidates who didn’t pass would be told to study hard and try again next year. But this isn’t a rational world, it’s an Obamanation:

According to a report by Dayton’s ABC News affiliate on March 11, 2011, the ultimate compromise struck between the City of Dayton and the DOJ resulted in a lowering of test standards for Police Department candidates:

The Dayton Police Department is lowering its testing standards for recruits. It’s a move required by the U.S. Department of Justice after it says not enough African-Americans passed the exam. Dayton is in desperate need of officers to replace dozens of retirees. The hiring process was postponed for months because the D.O.J. rejected the original scores provided by the Dayton Civil Service Board, which administers the test.

Under the previous requirements, candidates had to get a 66% on part one of the exam and a 72% on part two. The D.O.J. approved new scoring policy only requires potential police officers to get a 58% and a 63%. That’s the equivalent of an ‘F’ and a ‘D’.

The equivalent of an ‘F’ and a ‘D’. In other words, the first and last letters of the world F-R-A-U-D.

Source: Big Government

Gunfight at the VP Corral

We heartily disagree with former Vice President John Nance Garner. Joe Biden’s definitely worth that warm bucket of you-know-what.

Former Vice President John Nance Garner once dismissed the vice presidency as “not being worth a bucket of warm piss.”

We can’t help wondering if the man had a little Nostradamus in him and was having a psychic vision of the current bucket when he made that comment:

biden-waterfight
Joe Biden testing the only weapons we'll soon be able to afford

The vice president and second lady hosted a party for journalists at their Naval Observatory residence Saturday and weren’t shy about squirting their guests.

Jill Biden toted a very large Super Soaker and wore a disguise: a black wig, camouflage pants with a matching hat and a gray U.S. Army T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

The veep sported his aviators and went after reporters with his loaded Water Warriors Titan water gun.

Sounds like Sheriff Joe was indulging in a little fantasy, pretending to be Barack Obama leading a Navy Seals mission.

But we don’t begrudge the veep a little down time. After all, he works hard. He’s head of the Middle Class Task Force (remember that?), a top advisor on foreign policy (he’s really paid off in that department), overseer of stimulus spending (he’s the one who did the actual flushing) and premier advocate of high-speed rail (sitting on trains is something he’s REALLY good at.) And the sheriff just got a new gig: President Obama put him in charge of a new project with the lofty goal of increasing accountability and cutting waste (we can suggest a place to start.)

We heartily disagree with Garner. Joe’s definitely worth that warm bucket of you-know-what.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: Politico

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: The economy is firing on all cylinders, even if I’m not

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz informs America’s unwashed and unlearned that they are also uninformed if they think we’re anywhere near a double dip recession.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, esteemed Florida congressperson and Chair of the DNC, put in a true tour de force Sunday on NBC’s Meet the Press. Getting two stupid clips from one program is rare, indeed, but DW-S is no typical politician.

In the first clip, she informs America’s unwashed and unlearned that they are also uninformed if they think we’re anywhere near a double dip recession. Hell, no. Barack Obama has turned this economy around, damn it.

In the second clip Meet the Press Host David Gregory asks Wasserman-Schultz why she initially sprang to Anthony Weiner’s defense by saying his dork-a-thon was strictly a “personal matter” even after Weiner’s ludicrous “stolen identity” claims.

Damn, it’s fun watching her squirm. Her tenure at the DNC is going to provide us with damn near infinite fodder.

Obama has the greatest memory in the history of mankind. And don’t you forget it.

Remembering a jazz concert and receiving a basketball before the age of two is nothing for a man of Barack Obama’s talents.

Barack Obama reveals to People magazine that he has a remarkable memory. A really remarkable memory. While talking to the puff piece publisher about parenting, the President told how his relationship with his birth father influenced his relationship with his daughters.

Mr Obama said he regretted not being present because of his own experiences in his troubled childhood.

‘I grew up without a father around I have certain memories of him taking me to my first jazz concert and giving me my first basketball as a Christmas present. But he left when I was two years old,’ he wrote.

A normal person might think that remembering a jazz concert and receiving a basketball before the age of two is a remarkable accomplishment. But it’s nothing for a man of Barack Obama’s talents. After all, he already told us that he remembers his own birth.

He also seems to have memorized Karl Marx’ Das Kapital and Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals verbatim.

But even this remarkable man’s memory isn’t perfect. No matter how hard he tries, he seems to have a little trouble remembering the United States Constitution.

Source: Daily Mail UK

Watch this as fast as you can: A whole new approach to “Don’t break the speed limit” commercials

“Enjoy the Ride” is a commercial produced by the Western Australia Office of Road Safety. They abandoned the typical threatening and frightening approaches and tried to show drivers that there’s a better way to look at driving and life.

“Enjoy the Ride” is a commercial produced by the Western Australia Office of Road Safety.

They abandoned the typical threatening and frightening approaches and tried to show drivers that there’s a better way to look at driving and life.

Don’t get us wrong. We’re pretty sure everyone completely ignored this commercial and continued driving like maniacs, but we still like the way they turned the problem upside down and inside out and came at it from a whole new direction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRwfwyaHXDk

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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