We love Teri Davis Newman. She’s been reading IHateTheMedia.com and leaving pithy comments since about day three.
Teri’s the Republican nominee for Congress in Illinois-12. She’s running against fat-and-happy, 12-term incumbent Democrat Jerry Costello, who hasn’t had a real challenge in god knows how long.
She’s smart, spunky, and not afraid to say what needs to be said even if it’s not the “smart” thing to say. For some unknown reason, she agreed to do IHateTheMedia.com’s first congressional candidate interview.
As you might expect, her answers are better than our questions.
1. If you were a witch, would you be Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, Samantha from Bewitched or Nancy Pelosi?
Nancy Pelosi isn’t qualified to be a witch. The only magic she’s ever performed is convincing the people of California-8 that she’s not a psychotic Botox-addicted knuckle-dragging vodka-swilling spotted owl-loving liberal. The rest of the country knows better.
2. On gay marriage, would you vote as a typical conservative and be against it, or would you be in favor of it because as a wedding planner it could increase your income?
I’m not one to sell my integrity for money.
3. You can invite any three people – living or dead- to dinner. How do you split the bill and under whose name is the reservation made?
I’ll make the reservation and pay the bill. They’re dead so it’s a cheap date.
4. Beatles or Stones? PC or Mac? Ninja or pirate? Hayak or Keynes?
Stones, PC, Ninja, Hayek
5. Celebrated movie The Graduate is left famously unresolved. In your estimation what happened to characters Benjamin and Elaine after they departed from the bus?
They get married, have 2.3 children. Subsequently they divorce and Elaine takes half of the money he made in “plastic.” Sadly, Benjamin is killed in a prison riot where he was doing time for insider trading.
6. What is the main ingredient in a chicken nugget?
Parts, and as we all know, parts is parts.
7. If only the good die young then how much longer do you expect Helen Thomas to live?
I expect her to be around for the Second Coming.
8. Here’s the situation. You’re in your Congressional office and President Obama calls. He wants you to support TARP III or IV or Mach Six or whatever he’s calling it. Describe your laughter. Is it a guffaw? Or more of a snicker?
What makes you think I’ll give him my phone number? Just because I can’t be trusted with chocolate doesn’t make me easy, you know.
9. Who is your least favorite news anchor?
Living or dead? It’s so hard to tell the difference these days.
10. In exchange for airtime on MSNBC, you have to go on a date with one of its pundits. Which would you choose NOT to go out with: bloviating self-important misogynist Keith Olberman or snarky bull dyke Rachel Maddow? And why?
Even I wouldn’t be seen on MSNBC, but if she gives me chocolate and nylons, I’ll have coffee with Rachel and pretend to like it. It better be some good chocolate!
11. Do you think Sheiks on a Plane is a good name for a Juan Williams movie?
Only if he’s played by Samuel L Jackson
12. Why are liberals against others saying Merry Christmas, but refuse to work on Christmas and accept a Christmas bonus?
There’s no money in the first two.
13. How long would it take you to get at least one of the panelists from The View to walk off the set?
Do I have to make them leave? Can’t I just make them cry?
14. Which is more important for a lady – concealer or a concealed weapons permit? Why?
Why would a woman with a gun need concealer? Would YOU tell her she had dark circles and a zit?
15. How do you feel about passing a version of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” for Congress?
They already have it. It’s called the Ethics Committee.
16. Would you favor passing a law that requires congresspersons to read proposed legislation before voting on it and also requires them to take a quiz after reading it, then base their committee positions, pay and pension on their scores (not graded on a curve)?
Absolutely. It would save the taxpayers a fortune.
17. What are you bitterly clinging to and why?
My beer. It’s not empty yet.
18. At what point do you feel you’ve made enough money?
When my bills are paid.
19. Would you be willing to wear an IHTM t-shirt to your swearing in ceremony?
Of course. It’s cold in January so I’ll have to dress in layers. May I have a pink one please?
20. In exchange for our endorsement, would you name the IHTM staff as your official delegation/ambassador to the Maldives? And can we fly there on Air Force 2?
Would you settle for a ham sandwich and a Metro pass?
We like Teri. We support Teri. We endorse Teri (despite the fact that she answered “Stones” on question number four). She’s not a career politician. She’s not your traditional candidate. And we could use a few more just like her in Congress.
Good luck, Teri. We’ll keep our fingers crossed on Tuesday night as we watch the results roll in.
Check out Teri’s positions on the issues here.
Check out info on Teri’s opponent here.
Donate to Teri’s campaign here.
