It’s no secret that Muammar Gaddafi is nuttier than the proverbial fruitcake. The way he dresses and the things he says just aren’t what anyone would call normal. And while lots of world leaders find themselves surrounded by beautiful women, Gaddafi puts his in uniform and calls them his Virgin Bodyguard Squad.
IHateTheMedia.com’s team of crack reporters ferreted out these fifteen little known and undoubtedly untrue facts about the Virgin Bodyguards:
15. The captain of the squad is solely responsible for the grooming and trimming of Muammar’s ’70s-era porn actor ‘stache.
14. Turn-over is rapid in the Virgin Bodyguard Squad, especially after those late-night drinking binges at Muammar’s palace.
13. Last year, a group of Virgin Assassins attempted to kill Gaddafi, but the Virgin Bodyguard Squad gave each assassin an atomic wedgie, defusing the hostile situation.
12. One of the oldest members of the Virgin Bodyguards was tossed out of the squad recently when it was discovered that she was a virgin because she was just really ugly.
11. All Virgin Bodyguard Squad members must complete rigorous training in Jiu-Jitsu, Tang Soo Do, Judo and lap dancing.
10. When the squad’s religious leader is selected each year, she must personally prove to Gaddafi that she’s ready to assume the missionary position.
9. Particularly good virgin bodyguards are kept on the team even after being labeled “virgin-ish.”
8. The phrase “Look at the bazookas on that one” has multiple meanings in Gaddafi’s inner circle.
7. The prize for winning Guard of the Month is two nights with Muammar (the losers get three nights).
6. Transsexuals DO have a place in Islam!
5. The mandatory midnight pillow fights frequently end up in the E.R.
4. Rule #28 of the Guard Code requires that each virgin must have the ability to touch her nose with her tongue.
3. Those aren’t DD breasts, it’s body armor 🙁
2. During a recent Scrabble game, the Virgins discovered a previously-unknown 15th way to spell “Gaddafi.”
And the number one little known fact about Muammar Gaddafi’s Virgin Bodyguard Squad:
1. They are ALL liars.
