Where the wild things are not

by editor on April 26, 2011

In the IHTM tradition of never missing an opportunity to run a story about scantily-clad women, we bring you breaking news from Lead, South Dakota, where voters defeated a Tuesday referendum that would have allowed nude dancing in “Historic Downtown Lead.” And nude, in our opinion, trumps scantily-clad every damn time.

strippers

It's for the children. No, wait, that argument may not work in this case.

Stripped down to its essence, the new ordinance would have allowed nude dancing at the Wild Thing Saloon, which brought in dancers for two days in December and crowds went … well, wild.

The event drew “hundreds of extra visitors into Lead,” which really, really needs extra visitors because the biggest industry in town is the abandoned Homestake Mine where scientists now run experiments testing for cosmic particles.

Not a lot of job opportunities for the average Joe in the testing-for-cosmic-particles business, ya know?

Lead City Commissioner Casey Borsch said turnout for the referendum was “considerably higher” than normal, which we’re guessing means more people, not happier people. Voters rejected the Wild Thing idea 535-303.

Unfortunately, not every naked woman story has a happy ending. (Especially when a town gets older and there’s no lead left in either its mining shafts or its miners’ shafts. If you know what we mean.)

Oh, well. While “Historic Lead, South Dakota” languishes in the economic doldrums because of their prudish sensibilities, two miles away in “Historic Deadwood, South Dakota,” where they legalized gambling in 1989, they’re into their third decade of boom times.

Maybe the two towns should switch names?

– Written by J.P. Travis of JPAttitude.com

Source: Reuters

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22 Comments on "Where the wild things are not"

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SplitTail
Guest

Ok, first of all… Lead is pronounced “Leed” not “Led”. And Homestake Mine was a GOLD mine, not a lead mine.
Lead is a tiny town with some really great people. You can almost count on one hand how many businesses are on Main St. With tourism and family events a main source of income for Lead, I don’t think a swanky tittie bar fits in. Sure, naked women are great, but I don’t think the location is quite right.

DeanH
Member

Thanks for the clarification. Frankly though, it seems like the folks over in neck of the woods – do they have woods? – got their metals all mixed up while figuring out what to call the place. Maybe the were trying to mislead outsiders from digging out their precious. That’s mislead pronounced misleed.

Butler
Member

You say that as though there can be a wrong location for swanky tittie bar.

whiskeyriver
Guest

Excuse me Ralphy, do you know what a “split tail” is? Let me give you a hint here buddy.

The politically correct term for “split tail” is a woman of the female persuasion. In a little town like Lead, South Dakota about 99% of the split tails will be the married kind of woman. How many women do you know think it’s ok for their men to be visiting an all nude titty bar for a beer after work? Want to bet on how many of the city councilmen are married to one of those said split tails?

Butler
Member

So you’re defending family values in Lead to protect the sensibilities of the split tails. Now I understand.

(I understand there’s too much whiskey and not enough water in the river, that’s what I understand.)

Tony
Guest

“In the IHTM tradition of never missing an opportunity to run a story about scantily-clad women.”

Classy.

Ruben
Member

I wouldn’t get too giddy about Deadwood, SD’s “success” in the gambling industry. Since 1989, the crime statistics for domestic assaults, robbery and theft in the Black Hills area have gone through the roof.

KimmyQueen
Guest

Exactly. There is always a price behind things of that nature and like always only and truly a small amount of people benefits. Indian reservations with gambling sites, the people in the communities live in abject poverty and there is a lot of crime. These types of business ALWAYS attracts THE WRONG elements of society.

Butler
Member

Twin strippers? I suspect that Lead, South Dakota, does not actually rate twin strippers.

C’mon, tell the truth, is that Mrs. Administrator and Mrs. Editor?

Dyrewulf
Member

Well, I gotta say, I don’t go to those kind of clubs for the same reason I don’t watch trophy Elk hunting videos…..

anarchocapitalist
Guest

Dyrewulf,

You are SOOOOO right! Sitting at home alone fondling my Winchester while watching those videos just doesn’t produce the same thrill as going into the wilds and really getting it wet.

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