Catholic church issues prayer for faithful to say before sex. Most guys already pray before sex. It goes something like this,”Lord, please let me have sex.”
Most guys already pray before sex. It goes something like this,”Lord, please let me have sex.”
Source: Daily Mail UK
It’s been a good week for Glenn Beck. A very good week. First Van Jones “resigned” as Green Jobs Czar. Then Yosi Sergant was “reassigned” at the National Endowment for the Arts when down. Now the Census Bureau has fired ACORN.
It’s been a good week for Glenn Beck. A very good week.
First Van Jones “resigned” as Green Jobs Czar. Then Yosi Sergant was “reassigned” at the National Endowment for the Arts when down. Now the Census Bureau has fired ACORN.
Take the rest of the weekend off, Glenn.
After that 9/12 event, that is.
Michael Moore was promoting his vile new so-called documentary, “Capitalism: A Love Story,” at the Venice Film Festival. “Moore admitted that he felt vindicated that George Bush had finally gone. ‘The American people are now thinking more like me,’ he said.”
The Rotund One was promoting his vile new so-called documentary, “Capitalism: A Love Story,” at the Venice Film Festival.
“Moore admitted that he felt vindicated that George Bush had finally gone. ‘The American people are now thinking more like me,’ he said.”
We hate to be the bearers of bad news, Michael, but the American people didn’t oust George Bush. The 22nd Amendment did.
Source: The Guardian UK
HBO’s Eastbound and Down looks hilarious. Incredibly crude and politically incorrect, but hilarious. It’s the story of a washed-up major league baseball player who finds himself reduced to substitute teaching back in his home town.
HBO’s Eastbound and Down looks hilarious. Incredibly crude and politically incorrect, but hilarious.
It’s the story of a washed-up major league baseball player who finds himself reduced to substitute teaching back in his home town. Although his money’s gone and fame is just a memory, he finds it almost impossible to leave behind a sense of entitlement and the crude ways of the clubhouse.
WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE
Source: True/Slant
There’s a great website called RegretTheError.com that specializes in running corrections and retractions from newspapers around the world. Some of them are unintentionally hilarious, like this obituary from the People’s Republic of Santa Cruz Sentinel
There’s a great website called RegretTheError.com that specializes in running corrections and retractions from newspapers around the world.
Some of them are unintentionally hilarious, like this obituary from the People’s Republic of Santa Cruz Sentinel:
The final sentence of an obituary about Bernie Feldman on Page B3 on Thursday should have read: If people would like to honor his memory, they can sign a petition to send George Bush and Dick Cheney to jail, his son said.
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Bush lied and people died.”
Source: Santa Cruz Sentinel via RegretTheError.com
If the ObamaCare mandate passed, it would be fun to see the look on all those silly young voters’ faces when they realize that the guy they so fervently supported is going to force them to turn over a large share of their meager earnings to insurance companies.
”…if the ObamaCare mandate passed, it would be fun to see the look on all those silly young voters’ faces when they realize that the guy they so fervently supported is going to force them to turn over a large share of their meager earnings to insurance companies.”
Source: Wall Street Journal
Once that words “God Bless America” scrolled off the president’s teleprompter on Tuesday, a mighty wind blew across the country. It’s our guess that it was caused by a collective sigh of relief from the left. They’d been holding their breath and praying.
Once that words “God Bless America” scrolled off the president’s teleprompter on Tuesday, a mighty wind blew across the country.
It’s our guess that it was caused by a collective sigh of relief from the left. They’d been holding their breath and praying – well okay, holding their breath and wishing – that President Obama could make it through the entire speech to America’s school children without proving right wing fears justified.
It was rather hilarious, um, we mean “ironic,” that all the typical left wing news sources withheld saying anything until after it was over. Even the Huffington Post held off from posting the story “Opposing Obama’s School Speech Isn’t Partisan – It’s Just Crazy” until after the speech concluded just in case it was a little crazier than the HuffPo thought it might be.
Relief for the left is destined to be somewhat short-lived, however. Obama is scheduled to speak again tomorrow night to a rare joint session of the house.
Not knowing what the loose-lipped President might say is having a real effect on the practice of faith by progressives – who normally worship only money and power.
Rumor has it that Nancy Pelosi was seen kneeling on the House steps, but we’re sure she was just picking up loose change to help The One balance the budget.
Source: Huffington Post
– Written by Patrick Michael
“The Path to 9/11,” a two-part five-hour miniseries, aired only once on ABC in 2006, yet is still not available on DVD. Why? The series was a $40 million investment for the network which drew 25 million viewers and received seven Emmy nominations. So why wouldn’t the network want to recoup its investment?
“The Path to 9/11,” a two-part five-hour miniseries, aired only once on ABC in 2006, yet is still not available on DVD.
Why? The series was a $40 million investment for the network which drew 25 million viewers and received seven Emmy nominations. So why wouldn’t the network want to recoup its investment?
The suppression and censorship appear to be due to pure politics and legacy-protection, primarily on behalf of the Clintons, although neither Bill Clinton nor George W. Bush came off in a particularly heroic light in the film.
As The Los Angeles Times reported in 2007, “the miniseries’ writer, Cyrus Nowrasteh, believes it’s crystal clear: Powerful forces are out to protect Bill Clinton’s presidential legacy and shield Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) from any potential collateral damage in her bid for the White House.
“Nowrasteh, also one of the miniseries’ many producers, said he was told by a top executive at ABC Studios that ‘if Hillary weren’t running for president, this wouldn’t be a problem.'”
Perhaps Hillary is still holding out hopes for the nomination in 2012. Otherwise this film certainly ought to be available by now.
Source: Los Angeles Times
It’s come to our attention that al Queda-linked forces in Somalia were plotting to attack Hillary Clinton during her recent stay in Kenya. How did we miss this story? Did it just slip under the radar during the excitement of the town halls?
It’s come to our attention that al Queda-linked forces in Somalia were plotting to attack Hillary Clinton during her recent stay in Kenya. How did we miss this story? Did it just slip under the radar during the excitement of the town halls?
Here’s how The Australian reports it:
A planned series of bomb attacks set to take place in Nairobi, the capital of neighbouring Kenya, while Mrs Clinton was there – one in the hotel where she was staying – was foiled at the last minute, media reports, citing senior security officials, said.
“Al-Qa’ida wanted to strike at the heart of Nairobi (while Mrs Clinton was here),” the senior security official was quoted as saying, adding that Kenyan authorities intercepted communications between the plotters in war-ravaged Somalia and their operatives in Nairobi, which has a large emigre Somali population.
Five suspected al-Shabaab terrorists were arrested, including a man believed to be a Somali carrying a Danish passport. The four other suspects seized, including a woman, had what appeared to be false Kenyan identity documents, according to the reports.
Back off, Bandar. Cool it, Kamal. Just because we don’t like Hillary doesn’t give you a free assassination pass.
If this represents an Al Queda attempt to ‘bond’ with normal Americans, maybe you could poke fun at Hillary’s pants suits. Or laugh at the way President Obama has completely marginalized her.
We don’t like to make threats, but if you don’t stop we’ll get ourselves a real Secretary of State.
Source: The Australian
– Written by Patrick Michael
The President told Men’s Health magazine that he thinks we should consider taxing soda and other sugary drinks as part of health care reform.
Apparently the Democrats have done extensive research and discovered that only the rich consume soft drinks.
That’s the only way to reconcile the fact that he promised no new taxes on anyone making less than $250,000 per year during the campaign, yet now favors taxing soft drinks and other sugary treats.
The President told Men’s Health magazine that he thinks we should consider taxing soda and other sugary drinks as part of health care reform.
“I actually think it’s an idea that we should be exploring,” Obama said “There’s no doubt that our kids drink way too much soda. And every study that’s been done about obesity shows that there is as high a correlation between increased soda consumption and obesity as just about anything else.”
The president noted that “obviously there is resistance on Capitol Hill to those kinds of sin taxes. Legislators from certain states that produce sugar or corn syrup are sensitive to anything that might reduce demand for those products.”
First he raised taxes on cigarettes to keep people from smoking. Then he raised taxes on soft drinks to keep people from consuming sugar.
While he’s at it, maybe he should raise taxes on thinking to keep people from figuring out what he’s doing.
Source: New York Daily News
Evil terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden has a schoolboy crush on formerly-attractive, former superstar Whitney Houston.
Evil terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden has a schoolboy crush on formerly-attractive, former superstar Whitney Houston.
Seriously. That’s the story from Kola Boof, a Sudanese poet who claims bin Laden held her as a sex slave for four months a decade ago. Boof says Bin Laden considered killing Houston’s husband, Bobby Brown, so that he could win Whitney’s heart. (After all, what woman doesn’t swoon over the man who offs her husband?)
“He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen,” Boof claims in her new autobiography.
“He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar.”
“He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.
He’d rhapsodize about “How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women’s husbands killed.”
And finally, Boof says one of Bid Laden’s favorite shows was MacGyver.
Makes sense. He was probably pissed that his al Qaeda underlings couldn’t figure out how to assassinate Bobby Brown with a paper clip, a postage stamp, and a Tic-Tac.
ADDED NOTE: Kola Boof has just been added to our list of all-time favorite names.
Source: Daily Mail UK
Six months ago, had you attempted to tell us that Rachel Maddow could become even more smug and annoying, we would have said it was impossible. We were wrong.
Six months ago, had you attempted to tell us that Rachel Maddow could become even more smug and annoying, we would have said it was impossible.
We were wrong.
Hollywood halfwit Perez Hilton admits that he chose to go through his twenties without healthcare insurance. Just like millions of others choose not to get insurance when they are young and healthy. But now he explains that no one else should have the same freedom of choice he once enjoyed.
Hollywood halfwit Perez Hilton admits that he chose to go through his twenties without healthcare insurance. Just like millions of others choose not to get insurance when they are young and healthy. But now he explains that no one else should have the same freedom of choice he once enjoyed.
But the highlight of this video clip is when Hilton refers to himself as “a blogger and an entertainer.” We’ll give him the former, but who’s he trying to kid with the latter?
Did you think Obama’s healthcare speech was going to be the big story of the day? You won’t after watching these hidden-camera videos catching ACORN advising an undercover aspiring congressman and prostitute on how to do all sorts of illegal behavior, including tax evasion, running a brothel, sex trafficking of underage girls, laundering money.
Did you think Obama’s healthcare speech was going to be the big story of the day? You won’t after watching these hidden-camera videos catching ACORN advising an undercover aspiring congressman and prostitute on how to do all sorts of illegal behavior, including tax evasion, running a brothel, sex trafficking of underage girls, and laundering money. As a bonus they learn some valuable lessons about hiding out from competing pimps.
Who ever said community organizing wasn’t worth the billions we spend on it?
Source: BigGovernment.com
When South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson yelled out, “You lie,” during president Obama’s latest healthcare speech, he was either venting his anger or giving in to the voices in his head. We’re going with the former.
When South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson yelled out, “You lie,” during president Obama’s latest healthcare speech, he was either venting his anger or giving in to the voices in his head. We’re going with the former.
Apparently Obama’s statement that “There are also those who claim that our reform effort will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false. The reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally” proved too much for the Congressman.
Wilson’s actions did not sit well with many, even some members of his own party who may have been secretly wishing that they had the balls to yell out themselves.
“Anybody who would cat-call the president of the United States addressing this body is very, very inappropriate, and he will hear from a lot of us about that,” Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-Calif) told FOX News Radio.
Although Wilson has already apologized to the President, there have been shouts for his immediate resignation from Democrat blogs.
The best evidence of the shocking nature of the heckling could be seen while watching the reaction of Nancy Pelosi, who was seated immediately behind the President. After watching the incident repeatedly, Tivo owners report that shock proved more powerful than botox and that Speaker of the House’s expression actually changed.
– Written by Patrick Michael
Environmentalists are atwitter over a recent photo of a Norwegian glacier that shows water gushing from a crack in the ice formation, transmogrifing it into a weeping Mother Nature.
Environmentalists are atwitter over a recent photo of a Norwegian glacier that shows water gushing from a crack in the ice formation.
What? Isn’t it summer, you ask? Don’t glaciers typically melt a little during summer?
Sure, but for the same people who make fun of people who see the image of the Virgin Mary burnt on the side of their toast or for football fans who see the Philadelphia Eagles emblem mysteriously appear in a bowl of Cheerios, the water flowing from this fissure in ice is actually proof that the earth is sad. If you look closely, or take LSD, the ice formation resembles a face. And, if the acid is really, really strong, it looks like water is pouring out of the eye. Like tears!
Yes, this Norwegian glacier has been transmogrified into a weeping Mother Nature. A crying Gaia. The Virgin Mary on the rocks.
But perhaps there’s another explanation.
Perhaps Mother Earth is laughing so hard at these dumbass environmentalists that she’s actually crying.
Source: Daily Mail UK
– Written by Sven Waring
Charles Krauthammer compared ousted racist/communist/Truther Van Jones to racist/Jew-hating/black nationalist Jeremiah Wright Sunday on Fox News. He laid the blame for the whole fiasco right at the feet of the boss.
Charles Krauthammer compared ousted racist/communist/Truther Van Jones to racist/Jew-hating/black nationalist Jeremiah Wright Sunday on Fox News.
He laid the blame for the whole fiasco right at the feet of the boss. And he wasn’t referring to Bruce Springsteen.
“It’s a reflection of the boss,” Krauthammer said. “The boss also had a history before he became a candidate of being around and friends with the likes of Jeremiah Wright and William Ayers. The liberals scolded us last year on how irrelevant all that is and how it’s a smear campaign against Obama. But, if you live in that environment and you find nothing inherently wrong with that kind of radicalism. Then a Van Jones will show up. You’ll watch him years and years and you’ll think this guy is perfectly mainstream.”
Just one question: If this guy’s the boss, where do we hand in our resignations?
Source: GatewayPundit.com
Howard Dean was last seen racing frantically from cable news network to cable news network on Sunday, defending former Green Jobs Czar Van Jones, and inadvertently apologized to some of his enemies.
Howard Dean was last seen racing frantically from cable news network to cable news network on Sunday, defending former Green Jobs Czar Van Jones.
“I think he was brought down,” Dean told Fox News Sunday, saying he just spoke to Jones. “I think it’s a loss for the country.” Dean pointed to Jones’ “credentials as a Yale Law School graduate and best-selling author.”
Dean’s statement, coupled with the fact that it is a holiday weekend and we were bored, sent us scurrying for evidence that Yale graduates exist on a higher plane than we lesser beings and deserve greater respect and deference than mere mortals. Although we could find no scientific research to verify Dean’s assertion, we feel obligated to submit to the superior intellect of the former head of the Democratic National Committee.
Dean’s implied apology and the their elevation to near god-like status will undoubtedly be gratefully accepted by Yale graduates George Bush, George W. Bush, John Ashcroft, and the left’s poster boy of ultimate evil, Dick Cheney.
“Hey, wait just a darn minute,” Dean reportedly thought to himself, “I don’t think that’s quite what I meant to say.”
Source: Fox News
– Written by Patrick Michael
“Pick a goal,” the President said, “Work hard. Succeed.” Some people were surprised that his speech to America’s school kids sounded almost conservative. Nevertheless, we wish he would have told America’s kids this story, apocryphal or not.
“Pick a goal,” the President said, “Work hard. Succeed.” Some people were surprised that his speech to America’s school kids sounded almost conservative.
We say, “Of course, he needs to inspire success.” He knows his socialist paradise depends on a rich, successful minority to support the poor, oppressed majority.
Nevertheless, we wish he would have told America’s kids this story, apocryphal or not:
An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student, but had once failed an entire class.
The students in that class had insisted that socialism was the perfect political system since it’s a great equalizer and assures that no one will be poor and no one will be rich.
“If you really believe that,” the professor said, “Let’s bring socialism to this classroom. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade.”
Continue reading “What President Obama should have told America’s kids”
ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Fox News, Fox Business, and MSBNC are all interrupting their regular broadcasting schedule to air Barack Obama’s 112th healthcare speech, but do not despair. They always said we’d have unlimited options when we had 500 TV channels and that dream is finally being fulfilled.
You may have read that Fox is the only major TV network not carrying President Obama’s address to a Joint Session of Congress tonight at 8 p.m. EST.
Although Fox is opting to air its hit show “So You Think You Can Dance,” Obama-TV will seemingly be everywhere else.
ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, Fox News, Fox Business, and MSBNC are all interrupting their regular broadcasting schedule to air Barack Obama’s 112th healthcare speech, but do not despair. They always said we’d have unlimited options when we had 500 TV channels and that dream is finally being fulfilled.
Alternate, non-Obama programming is as near as your remote control. Here are a few programs that look interesting to us:
Enjoy. And pray that the program on Animal Planet isn’t really about the provision of ObamaCare that requires circumcisions for all newborn boys.
“Why has the Democratic Party become so arrogantly detached from ordinary Americans? Though they claim to speak for the poor and dispossessed, Democrats have increasingly become the party of an upper-middle-class professional elite, top-heavy with journalists, academics and lawyers.”
“Why has the Democratic Party become so arrogantly detached from ordinary Americans? Though they claim to speak for the poor and dispossessed, Democrats have increasingly become the party of an upper-middle-class professional elite, top-heavy with journalists, academics and lawyers.”
– Camille Paglia
Source: Salon.com
The burning question in Massachusetts today is, “Who will fill Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the U.S. Senate? What the hell. If the rest of the media can speculate on possible successors to Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the United States Senate, we might as well pitch in our two cents.
The burning question in Massachusetts today is, “Who will fill Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the U.S. Senate now that Joseph P. Kennedy II has opted out of the coronation that could have (some would say ‘should have’) been his?”
What the hell. If the rest of the media can speculate on possible successors to Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the United States Senate, we might as well pitch in our two cents.
Our choices make just as much sense as some others we’ve read (such as New York resident Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, or alcoholic Rhode Island Congressman Patrick Kennedy, neither of whom are eligible because they don’t live in Massachusetts, for god’s sake).
Listen up, old media. We can speculate just as wildly as you can. Here are our five top choices.
Candidate #1 – Foster Brooks. Sure, he’s been dead for 8 years, but it clear that he follows in the Kennedy tradition and the transition would be seamless.
Candidate #2. Michael Phelps. Who better than a 14-time Olympic gold medal winner to assume Kennedy’s nickname “The Swimmer”?
Continue reading “Top 5 possible successors to Teddy Kennedy”
To sum it up, the Brits said of Obama and Clinton, “Hey, you stinkin’ liars, don’t complain that you didn’t know we were going to release the Lockerbie bomber. You guys were consulted every step of the way.”
“Obama and Clinton are stinkin’ lairs.” Brits being Brits, it sounded much more dignified when they said it. But linguists say that’s an American English translation of what they said in English English.
To sum it up, the Brits said, “Hey, you stinkin’ liars, don’t complain that you didn’t know we were going to release the Lockerbie bomber. You guys were consulted every step of the way.”
The UK Daily Mail reports a story that’s getting very little traction from the American media:
President Obama and the US Secretary of State fuelled a fierce American backlash against Britain, claiming Abdelbaset Al Megrahi should have been forced to serve out his jail sentence in Scotland – but a senior Whitehall aide said their reaction was ‘disingenuous’.
British officials claim Mr Obama and Mrs Clinton were kept informed at all stages of discussions concerning Megrahi’s return.
The officials say the Americans spoke out because they were taken aback by the row over Megrahi’s release, not because they did not know it was about to happen.
‘The US was kept fully in touch about everything that was going on with regard to Britain’s discussions with Libya in recent years and about Megrahi,’ said the Whitehall aide.
‘We would never do anything about Lockerbie without discussing it with the US. It is disingenuous of them to act as though Megrahi’s return was out of the blue.
‘They knew about our prisoner transfer agreement with Libya and they knew that the Scots were considering Megrahi’s case.’
And while he was at it, the President said barely knew Van Jones. Met him once. Maybe. In passing.
Most. Transparent. Administration. In. History.
Source: Daily Mail UK
Broadcast legend Tom Brokaw and dead tree legend Thomas Friedman were nearly apoplectic over the fact that conservative bloggers –- bloggers, mind you — were able to bring down a race-baiting, white-hating, 9/11 Truther communist.
Meet the Press, never known as a hotbed of humor, had hilarity by the truckload on Sunday.
Broadcast legend Tom Brokaw and dead tree legend Thomas Friedman were nearly apoplectic over the fact that conservative bloggers –- bloggers, mind you — were able to bring down a race-baiting, white-hating, 9/11 Truther communist in the White House. They couldn’t contain their disgust.
Some of the better moments:
Friedman: When everyone has a cell phone, everyone’s a photographer. When everyone has access to YouTube, everyone’s a filmmaker. And when everyone’s a blogger, everyone’s a newspaper…
Brokaw: …There’s so much disinformation out there that it’s frightening, frankly.
Friedman: The internet is an open sewer of untreated, unfiltered information … every modem sold in America should actually have come with a warning from the surgeon general that would have said, “Judgment not included.”
Friedman: Too often now people say, and we’ve all heard it, “But I read it on the internet” as if that solves the bar bet. You know, I’m afraid not. (rising in intensity with each repetition) That’s flat out stupid. That’s flat out stupid. Flat out stupid.
Amazing. The same guys who gleefully reported on forged documents about former President Bush completely ignored authentic documents and tapes about Van Jones. Yet they’re so full of themselves that they see fit to lecture America about accurate, ethical reporting.
Of course, that’s just our perspective from down here in the open sewer.
Source: GatewayPundit.com
“Why is he saying those terrible things?” is the easy part. Left wing lunatics just don’t like you, Glenn. The tougher question is, “Who the hell is Beau Friedlander?”
“Why is he saying those terrible things?” is the easy part. Left wing lunatics just don’t like you, Glenn. The tougher question is, “Who the hell is Beau Friedlander?”
Turns out Beau (apparently his real name) is the editor-in-chief of Air America. We were shocked when he wrote an article in the Huffington Post demanding that Fox News fire Glenn Beck.
Don’t get us wrong. We weren’t shocked that he wrote the article. No. We were shocked to find out that Air America is still in operation.
It seems that Beau was hired by Air America to bring their internet-based reporting up to the level of a really bad Jerry Springer episode. Beau, to his credit is trying, first demanding that everyone forego Fox News or be branded un-American. Then, saving his liberal funniest for last, remarking that Van Jones is no more communist than (wait for it)…Glenn Beck.
That got us scrambling (in vain, it seems) for Glenn Beck’s admission of being a communist. Maybe Beau can get a copy of Glenn Beck’s confession from Dan Rather or better yet, maybe Air America can hire Dan and they can work together on stories.
To study Beau at work, and to see the sophisticated methods that Air America utilizes to determine which stories are the most timely and important, watch the embedded video.
Source: HuffingtonPost.com
Written by Patrick Michael
