Hot PETA women and their cucumbers

We’re happy to report that General Motors isn’t spending $3,000,000 for a Super Bowl commercial this year. But what about other advertisers?

Is it wise to spend that much money on one commercial in this economic downturn? Surprisingly, many advertisers say, “Yes, it’s a bargain.”

Their rationale? The Super Bowl draws an immense audience and is, perhaps, the only programming on television that causes consumers to “lean forward” and watch the commercials.

No one will be leaning forward and watching the attached PETA commercial because it was rejected by the television network. Talk about your wardrobe malfunction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTdPRlHB4Os

Ass-kissing House GOP member tells Rush to back off

Rush Limbaugh stated the obvious when he said Obama is “obviously more frightened of me than he is Mitch McConnell. He’s more frightened of me, than he is of, say, John Boehner, which doesn’t say much about our party.” 



Ass-kissing Rep. Phil Gingrey, R-Ga., jumped the the defense of these two losers:

“I think that our leadership, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, are taking the right approach,” Gingrey said. “I mean, it’s easy if you’re Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks…But when it comes to true leadership, not that these people couldn’t be or wouldn’t be good leaders, they’re not in that position of John Boehner or Mitch McConnell.”

He then told reporters he’d love to stay and talk more, but was overdue for a ceremony at the Shrine of the Unknown Loser, where McConnell and Boehner were being enshrined.

Rush vs. Obama: Round Two

rocky_boxing“Obama was angry that Merrill Lynch used $1.2 million of TARP money to remodel an executive suite,” Limbaugh said. “Excuse me, but didn’t Merrill have to hire a decorator and contractor? Didn’t they have to buy the new furnishings? What’s the difference in that and Merrill loaning that money to a decorator, contractor and goods supplier to remodel Warren Buffet’s office? Either way, stimulus in the private sector occurs.”

The thing we love about Rush is the way he makes connections between seemingly unrelated ideas everyone else overlooks. Like this:

“How much money will the Obamas spend redecorating the White House residence? Whose money will be spent? I have no problem with the Obamas re-doing the place. It is tradition.”

“Cancel the new carpet,” Barack screamed to Michelle, “Limbaugh is onto us.”

Affleck cancels Newsweek subscription

henry_paulson_newsweekActor Ben Affleck is unhappy with Newsweek. He thinks the magazine should have been far more critical of Paulson’s economic bailout plan last summer.

“Newsweek,” Affleck said, “in deciding to tell all of America that we all have to put our trust in Henry Paulson, that’s like a mediaocracy. It’s presumptuous and it damaged us in some ways.

Join Ben in his righteous battle to keep America from becoming a “mediaocracy.” Help him turn it into a “Hollywoodocracy.”

Lights! Camera! Action! Shut the hell up!

Where does mania stop and Obama-mania begin?

freudThe Washington Post invited readers to send special messages to our new Fearless Leader on inauguration day. They reserved the right to reject negative ads, but didn’t appear to reject any ads for stupidity.

“I will be in the crowd in front of the Capitol today to witness this historic moment,” said one. “You should have my resume on file…I figured this was the best way to get in touch with you.”

“Congratulations,” said another. “Your leadership is required to change the Psyche of the Personal Economic Unit to solve the problem created by Wall Street.”

This administration doesn’t need a Surgeon General. It needs a Psychiatrist General.

ABC doesn’t know Blago’s a democrat

Question One: How many segments did ABC’s “Good Morning, America” devote to scandal-plagued Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich?

Answer One: Not one, not two, not three, but four segments.

Question Two: How many times did they mention his party affiliation?

Answer Two: Not four, not three, not two, not one, but zero times.

“Good Morning, America” spent nearly 20 minutes on this piece of human detritus. Yet no one ever saw fit to mention his party affiliation.

But Diane Sawyer did come very close to asking for the name and number of his hair stylist.

Helen Thomas: old as dirt, dumb as a rock

angry_catAnyone who thought the election of Barack Obama was going to declaw Hearst columnist Helen Thomas got a rude awakening at yesterday’s White House press briefing.

Thomas demanded to know why President Obama wants to send more troops into Afghanistan. Without waiting for an answer, she gave her own. We’re doing it, she said, to “kill more people.

At least Thomas is consistent. Historians tell us she also asked George Washington why he wanted to kill innocent Hessians, asked James Polk why he wanted to kill innocent Mexicans, and asked President Lincoln why he wanted to kill innocent Southerners.

Olbermaniac says al-Qaeda leader is innocent furniture salesman

prescription_drugsDon’t look now, but Keith Olbermann’s synapses are misfiring again.

The background: former Gitmo prisoner Said Ali al-Shihri, who was released in 2007, has received a plum promotion. He’s now an al-Qaeda leader in Yemen.

According to Olbermann’s latest lunacy, al-Shihri was innocently skipping through the desert picking flowers when he was detained. Only after being unfairly imprisoned did he begin working his way up international terrorism’s corporate ladder.

“But perhaps the real question is,” the Olbermaniac said, “Since we never tried him, never found him guilty, and the Bush administration set him free, what if he wasn’t a terrorist in the first place but we turned him into one by sending him to Gitmo?”

While we’re pondering “what ifs,” what if Olbermann remembered to take his meds every night.

Blago in Chicago foggo

foggy chicagoIQ-impaired Illinois governor Rod Blogojevich continues to amuse.

“The fix is in,” he insisted, claming that the Illinois legislature’s sole motivation for impeaching him is to enact a large tax increase that he is against.

When reminded that Chicago Mayor Daly called him “cuckoo,” Blago replied, “Here’s a question I have to you, to Mayor Daly and everyone else: whatever happened to the presumption of innocence?”

We’re not constitutional scholars, but we think the 34th Amendment says the presumption of innocence doesn’t apply to Democrat politicians in Illinois.

Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe it’s the 29th Amendment.

Best Quote of the Week

Kevin & Bean, the morning guys on KROQ-FM in Los Angeles, are our favorite radio personalities. When you read this quote, they may become your favorites, too.

Here’s what Bean had to say about our new president the day after the inauguration:

“I’m not all that impressed with our next President after one day. All I’ve seen so far is, hey, let’s go to parties. Ever since he got into office it’s been nothing but taking his wife out dancing.”

If you’d like to listen to Kevin & Bean, but don’t live in Southern California, go to KROQ.com. You can listen to them live or download their podcasts.

Obama’s illegal alient aunt moves to Cleveland

cleveland signThe incredibly partisan Associated Press has finally done something right. Late, but right.

They used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain federal documents that
prove the Bush administration made it impossible for Immigration officials
to arrest Obama¹s illegal alien aunt before the election

Zeituni Onyango, Obama’s late father’s half-sister was living in public housing in Boston at the time. She is now believed to be living in Cleveland.

We say, “Give the woman a break.” Isn’t living in Cleveland punishment enough?

Pelosi says birth control helps the economy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_PTqvyzwRgThis is the Speaker of the House of the United States of America. For God’s sake, we might be having some economic troubles, but we’re still the most powerful nation in the history of the world.

Is this stuttering, stammering, yammering lunatic the best and brightest this country has to offer?

Please make Kate Winslet shut up

Winslet recently won double Golden Globes and last night won a Screen Actors Guild award.Yet she always gets to the podium and can’t shut up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zonv-VNW5qkNo matter how many awards Kate Winslet wins, she never knows what to say.

Winslet recently won double Golden Globes and last night won a Screen Actors Guild award. Yet she always gets to the podium, clutches her award like it’s struggling to get away, quickly becomes overcome with emotion and announces that she doesn’t know what to say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MDhTcTImjQ “It is really an honor to be included in such a remarkable year and [to] be acknowledged by my peers in this way,” Winslet said last night. “”I’m a little bit lost for words. I’m sorry.”

Here’s a really creative tip thats works for us every time we pick up our Pulitzer Prize: 3 x 5 cards. Try ‘em, Kate.

By the way, we really enjoyed saying “Kate Winslet” and “double Golden Globes” in the same sentence. We hope you enjoyed reading it.

Homoerotic, Obama-erotic slobbering

photo by MACSURAK on Flickr
photo by MACSURAK on Flickr

Bernard Goldberg’s new book is titled “A Slobbering Love Affair: The True (And Pathetic) Story of the Torrid Romance Between Barack Obama and the Mainstream Media.”

The wackiest quote about Obama? Eli Saslow’s page one story on Christmas morning in The Washington Post:

“The sun glinted off chiseled pectorals sculpted during four weight-lifting sessions each week and a body toned by regular treadmill runs and basketball games.”

We’ll be back a little later. Our computer is overheating.

Blago’s a small thinker

Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojeviich 1Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojeviich has been all over today’s morning news shows telling the world he considered giving Barack Obama’s open senate seat to Oprah Winfrey.

For god’s sake, Rod, that’s a big idea. Work with it. Develop it to its full potential. Why the hell stop with Oprah when you have a very impressive roster of Chicago celebrities to choose from.

Appoint David Soul as Police Commissioner. Make Jennifer Hudson First Minister of Music. Name Michael Jordon Director of Hoopolgy. Jenny McCarthy can be your Secretary of Education. And Robin Williams would do a bang-up job as Press Secretary.

Now that we’ve done you a favor, maybe you can do one for us. Can you get us a phone number for Jamie Gertz?” We’ve always been kind of hot for her.

NY Times no longer able to borrow, resorts to stealing

The bad news continues for the nation’s leading newspaper company. Last week, its financial condition was downgraded by financial rating companies. This week they’re reporting is being downgraded.

A company called GateHouse Media has accused the NY Times of copyright infringement. They say Boston.com (a unit of the NY Times-owned Boston Globe) shredded copyright laws by “lifting” their headlines and lead sentences for use on their own local news websites.

This is just the latest incident in the Times long, sordid history of plagarism.

We can’t wait until they steal from us. But they better do it soon. We want to retire and buy a small island in the Carribean, but we need a hefty financial settlement from the Times to make that happen.

If they don’t do it soon, the Times won’t have enough money left to fund a crummy studio condo in St. Barts.

Robert Redford more wrinkled than ever

shar-peiIt was business as usual at Sundance, the 11-day filmfest staged by Sharpei-like leftwing Hollywood hunk Robert Redford.

Stars, directors, presenters, winners, losers, popcorn vendors, one-and-all, took to the stage to condemn anything and everything middle America values.

For example, Sundance Institute executive director Ken Brecher, hosted an honorary festival pass emblazoned with the name Barack Obama.

Presenter Joseph Gordon-Levitt, best known for his role as one of the stupid aliens on Third Rock From the Sun, displayed his Barack Obama T-shirt and said, “These awards are exercises in democracy, and it’s a good time for democracy right now.”

He’s right. It is time for democracy. All those in favor of Robert Redford getting a facelift, please raise your hands.

Al-Jazeera gets US Viewers, American nets go nuts

Ratings for Al-Jazeera’s English network skyrocketed during the Gaza conflict. Since the network’s English-language service has virtually no U.S. presence, viewers had to seek it out on the internet.

This undoubtedly drove execs at American networks into a frenzy.

Imagine this scene as an American network’s news executives gathered around a mahogany conference room table as large as your living room.

“Why did the viewers desert us,” asked one depressed programmer. “We’re just as anti-American as Al-Jazeera.”

“It’s not fair,” whined another. “Our propaganda is just as good as their propaganda.”

“If they keep this up,” said a third, “Obama will have to impose the Fairness Doctrine on Al-Jazeera, too.”

This news report brought to you as a public service by IHateTheMedia.com.

LA Times thinks Obama = Hitler?

omaba_hitler_croppedhitler arm out smallThe internet is abuzz with commentary about the photo used on the cover of the LA Times post election issue. Why would they select a photo in which Obama appears to be giving a Nazi salute?

The editorial board here at IHateTheMedia.com is even split between those who were raised Catholic and those who were raised Methodist.

Our Catholic contingent thinks the Times’ photo was chosen to make a visual comparison between Obama and Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel painting of God’s hand reaching out to Adam.

Our Methodist contingent says it reminds them of the end of the church service when Methodist ministers traditionally raise their arms toward their flocks and give the final benediction.

But we all agree that anyone who compares Obama to Hitler is way out of line.

He’s actually far more like Lenin.

Chris Matthews hates witches. And the Constitution

You could fill one of those big, heavy 3-ring binders with a list of nutty comments made by Chris Matthews, host of CNBC’s “Hardball.” But his latest comment may just earn him a ticket straight to the Wacko Wing in the Broadcasting Hall of Fame.

Matthews was discussing a call by Rep. John Conyers (D-Michigan) for a war crimes trial for Bush administration officials and terrorist detainee interrogators.

“Why,” Matthews asked, “would a show trial or witch hunt be bad?”

To that, we say absolutely nothing, Chris. Nothing at all wrong with a little witch hunt. We say that darn constitution is more than 200 years old now and it’s about time we get a new one. Let’s ask the Chinese if they have an extra one they’ll sell us.

Tom Hanks Apologizes to Mormons

tom hanks fireHollywood icon Tom Hanks is sorry for calling Mormons who supported California’s gay marriage ban “un-American.”

“Everyone has a right to vote their conscience; nothing could be more American. To say members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who contributed to Proposition 8 are ‘un-American’ creates more division when the time calls for respectful disagreement. No one should use ‘un-American’ lightly or in haste. I did. I should not have.”

Hanks concluded his sensitive remarks by saying, “To show how much I love Mormons, I’d like to buy every one of them a beer.” He didn’t really say that. We made it up.

Newspaper says car theft suspect turned into goat

American newspapers make crap up. Outrageous crap. But they can still learn a thing or two about crap from Nigerian newspapers. One of that nation’s largest papers recently reported that police accused a goat of grand theft auto.

The Vanguard said two men in Kwara State attempted to steal a Mazda. A police spokesman said one suspect escaped, but the other turned himself into a goat just before being nabbed. Police paraded the goat before journalists and the newspaper published a picture of the beast.

The attached video has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but does feature a goat doing something you never thought you’d see a goat do. Plus a monkey doing something you never thought you’d see a monkey do.

Maybe he said Lebanese

Larry King, the King of Overstatement, is at it again. Apparently Obama’s victory has left him in such a state of euphoria that he told viewers we could have “a lesbian” in the White House within ten years.

At least we think he said lesbian. To be completely honest, we usually lose interest in Larry’s show at about the 15 minute mark. He may have said “Lebanese.” We weren’t really paying attention.

King’s contract runs through 2010. But we strongly urge CNN to buy Larry a nice condo down in West Palm now, so he can spend his golden years frolicking on the beach during Spring Break with his next five wives.

Putting that aside temporarily, we would like to nominate Shakira for president. Definitely Lebanese. Definitely not lesbian. See her attached campaign commercial. Shakira 2012.

Fewer radio listeners mean fewer radios

thanks to Boston Public Library
thanks to Boston Public Library

There are no rocket scientists nor brain surgeons on-staff at IHateTheMedia.com. Not a one. Yet even we are able to figure out that fewer radio listeners lead directly to fewer radios being manufactured.

In a depressing display of headline juxtaposition, On the high-end radio manufacturer Bose laid off 1,000 employees on the same day that radio conglomerate Clear Channel slashed 1,500 employees.

There are also no historians on-staff at IHateTheMedia.com, but we’re pretty sure that buggy whip manufacturers cut production about the same time people stopped riding horses.

But we could be wrong.

Ratings, revenue plummet. So do media salaries.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6yq5O8GXUo Yes, we hate the media. Especially local television news anchors with big, toothy grins, blow-dried hair, and salaries big enough to balance California’s budget deficit. But the times, they are a changin’.

Don’t get us wrong. The teeth and hair hasn’t changed, but the salaries have.

“Times change,” said San Francisco media analyst Vinny Corer. “The big-time dough is gone as the ‘Clear Channels’ of the world take over. It’s a new world we live in. I heard in LA, a station had a reporter opening at a local indie TV outlet and starting pay was $40,000.”

Here’s Howard Beale, the most rational news anchor we’ve ever seen. The clip is 32 years old, but more appropriate today than ever.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
Verified by MonsterInsights