Mike Pence can’t stop laughing when Democrats claim they cut taxes

Mike Pence (R-IN) couldn’t stop laughing when Democrats tried to claim they’ve cut taxes.

Mike Pence (R-IN) couldn’t stop laughing when Democrats tried to claim they’ve cut taxes.

“I just happened to wonder, Mr. Speaker, about the American people looking in this morning to hear Democrats saying they cut taxes more than any other congress in history. Let me see if we can do this. They passed a budget with record taxes and spending, add a trillion dollars to the national debt in the next 10 years, they passed a national energy tax called the cap and trade that will cause utility rates to go up…

And we just passed Obamacare with $600 billion of tax increases, (laughs) and they’re standing in front of the American people on the day before tax day, on the day before tens of millions of Americans are gonna take to the streets and say enough is enough and expect you to believe they been cutting taxes I think the American people know better … Let’s cut taxes across the board. Get government out of the way. This economy will come roaring back.”

Coming up next on “open mic night” at the comedy club: Democrats claim they’ve made us safer from terrorism.

H/T: Bluegrass Pundit

Road rage! You own the companies that makes the worst cars on the road

Congratulations! Your tax dollars are building four of the ten worst cars on the road. Considering all the car companies in the world, this is a truly remarkable achievement for Obama Motors.

cadillac escalade
Introducing the 2010 Cadillac Piece of Crap

Congratulations! Your tax dollars are building four of the ten worst cars on the road.

Considering all the car companies in the world, this is a truly remarkable achievement for Obama Motors.

Let’s be specific. We’re talking about the Cadillac Escalade, Chevrolet Aveo and Chevrolet Colorado, made by General Motors, and the Dodge Nitro, made by Chrysler.

Forbes reports this remarkable story of American manufacturing know how:

If you want to drive something dependable and long-lasting, steer clear of these vehicles.

With a 22% improvement in sales last month, and despite the six-month, $4.3 billion loss it announced Wednesday, General Motors is likely to have its strongest spring and summer in years. Plus, the automaker had critically acclaimed new products at the recent New York Auto Show and the much-anticipated Chevrolet Volt is due out this fall.

Year-over-year sales of GM’s Cadillac division alone are up almost 76%; sales in the Buick, Chevrolet and GMC divisions were each up more than 40% for March. The industry as a whole was up 24.3%.

Unfortunately just because GM’s cars are selling well now doesn’t mean they’re the best bet for durability or value — yet. It’ll take awhile before GM’s new direction shows up in tangible new products at the dealership.
Four of the seven vehicles on our list of the worst-made cars on the road come from GM brands. And all of the cars on the list — including Chrysler’s Dodge Nitro and Jeep Wrangler — are made by Detroit’s Big Three. Only one car on the list is made by Ford Motor (NYSE: F).

This reminds us of a former client, a production manager at a major semiconductor company, who once stood before an international sales meeting, looked with disdain at his worldwide sales force and said, “Last year you complained that we made shit. (pause) This year you’re complaining that we’re not making it fast enough.”

Never laughed so hard.

Source: Forbes

Let the cheap, tawdry rumors begin: Obama goes for American men

Wolf Blitzer noticed something very odd about President Obama’s Nuclear Security Conference press conference. The President only called on men. American men. The kind of big, brawny, broad chested men that Barney Frank might also call on.

(If video above not working, go here.)

Wolf Blitzer noticed something very odd about President Obama’s Nuclear Security Conference press conference. The President only called on men. American men. The kind of big, brawny, broad chested men that Barney Frank might also call on.

The difference, of course, is that Barney would bring roses when he calls on them.

¡Adios, pendejo! George Lopez threatens to move to Mexico if Sarah Palin becomes president.

George Lopez says he’ll move to Mexico if Sarah Palin wins the presidency in 2012. This, of course, would give Lopez the rare opportunity to be the unfunniest comedian in two countries. Seriously, has this guy ever made you laugh? Even once? Don’t let the door hit you in the culo on the way out, pinche puto.

George Lopez says he’ll move to Mexico if Sarah Palin wins the presidency in 2012.

This, of course, would give Lopez the rare opportunity to be the unfunniest comedian in two countries. Seriously, has this guy ever made you laugh? Even once?

Don’t let the door hit you in the culo on the way out, pinche puto.

(This is the first time we’ve ever been able to use the extensive Spanish vocabulary we picked up during our childhood years on Southern California playgrounds.)

H/T: WeaselZippers.us

The real problem with global warming? We’ll be overrun by vegetation.

This video clip from CO2Science demonstrates the devastating impact that an increase in carbon dioxide will have on cowpeas. What’s that? It demonstrates just the opposite?

The Environmental Protection Agency has issued this alarming health warning:

After a thorough examination of the scientific evidence and careful consideration of public comments, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced today that Greenhouse gases (GHGs) threaten the public health and welfare of the American people.

This video clip from CO2Science demonstrates the devastating impact that an increase in carbon dioxide will have on cowpeas. What’s that? It demonstrates just the opposite?

Well, in that case, we recommend that you arm yourself with a hefty machete, because you’re going to need it to get from the sidewalk to your front door.

Damn global warming.

H/T: Andrew Bolt

Our Commander In Chief doesn’t really like our military very much

President Obama closed his make-believe Nuclear Security Summit with some revealing words: “Whether we like it or not, we (the United States) remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, we get pulled into it.”

President Obama closed his make-believe Nuclear Security Summit with some revealing words:

“Whether we like it or not, we (the United States) remain a dominant military superpower, and when conflicts break out, we get pulled into it.”

Rest assured, he doesn’t like it and is doing everything he can to see that our days as the dominant military superpower come to a rapid and conclusive end.

Forgive us for saying this, but Hillary Clinton was right. When that 3 a.m. call comes to the White House, Barack Obama would prefer to sleep right through it.

Massive “coffee party” crowd gathers to support ObamaCare

A small handful of concerned citizens, self-dubbed “coffee partiers”, descended on bucolic West Belleville, Illinois in a show of support for ObamaCare and in opposition to the evil, racist tea partiers. The Belleville News-Democrat (naturally) tells the story of this massive liberal success.

Obamacare coffee party
Later in the day, the crowd swelled to almost seven.

Millions thousands hundreds dozens A small handful of concerned citizens, self-dubbed “coffee partiers”, descended on bucolic West Belleville, Illinois in a show of support for ObamaCare and in opposition to the evil, racist tea partiers.

The Belleville News-Democrat (naturally) tells the story of this massive liberal success:

West Belleville resident Jenny Moon was frustrated with her observations of the political system.

Earlier this year, she joined a Facebook group that has concerns about extreme political tactics and partisan bickering.

“A lot of people were disgruntled with how politics is gridlocked right now,” Moon said.

On Saturday, she hosted the first Coffee Party USA in Belleville. It was open to the public.

Of the seven people who met midday at Oregon Trail Roasting Co. at 201 W. Main St. in Belleville, only three had a cup of coffee. One drank a Fitz’s root beer.

The group, which started in January, wants to see cooperation in government, according to its Web site. Participants will set plans for “Coffee With Congress,” which are meetings with lawmakers.

Some people at the Belleville meeting claimed to be Republicans, some were Democrats, while others were independents or confused.

The last word of the story is not only classic, it’s absolutely accurate.

Source: Belleville News-Democrat via Gateway Pundit

Chuck Schumer gives tap dancing lessons in the Senate

ABC’s Jake Tapper really does ask some tough questions. But he’s just no match for Chuck Schumer, widely acknowledged as the senate’s finest tap dancer. Watch how deftly Schumer tap dances around this question without actually answering it

ABC’s Jake Tapper really does ask some tough questions. But he’s just no match for Chuck Schumer, widely acknowledged as the senate’s finest tap dancer. Watch how deftly Schumer tap dances around this question without actually answering it:

Tapper: The Israeli newspaper Yedioth Achronoth quoted an anonymous confidante to Prime Minister Netanyahu calling President Obama “The greatest disaster for Israel, a strategic disaster.” I’m sure you have some constituents who share those views and perhaps those concerns. Do you think that the White House has behaved toward Israel and the prime minister of Israel as you would want them to?

Schumer: Well. let me say this. I think everybody here in the United States, virtually everybody, and the vast majority of Israelis, want peace. They’re willing to accept a two state solution. The best way to bring about that peace is let the two sides negotiate and bring them together. I think one of the problems we have faced in the Middle East is that too many of the Palestinians, they elected Hamas, sworn to Israel’s destruction, don’t really believe in peace. And I do believe that you have to let the two parties come together. If the United States imposes preconditions, particularly on the Palestinian and Arab side, they’ll say we won’t come and negotiate.

If we’re not mistaken, Schumer just did a beautiful job of executing the ol’ keep-talking-until-they-forget-what-the-queston-was maneuver.

Dance, Senator Schumer, dance.

Source: National Review

Photo #1: What the camera saw. Photo #2: What the rest of the world saw.

Evil men like Hu Jintao, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Il, Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad know weakness when they see it.

Obama Chinese bow

Obama Chinese bow

Evil men like Hu Jintao, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Il, Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad know weakness when they see it.

Source: IOwnTheWorld.com

Harry Reid has given up and decided to commit suicide

In a state where ObamaCare and illegal aliens are about as popular as gonorrhea, the Senate majority leader has unwisely announced that “We’re gonna do immigration reform just like we did healthcare reform.” And he pledges to bring it up this year. As in prior to the election in which he already lags far behind every potential opponent.

In a state where ObamaCare and illegal aliens are about as popular as gonorrhea, the Senate majority leader has unwisely announced that “We’re gonna do immigration reform just like we did healthcare reform.” And he pledges to bring it up this year. As in prior to the election in which he already lags far behind every potential opponent.

Interesting strategy, soon-to-be former Senator Reid.

Al Gore must fear rising sea levels, because he sure heads for the hills in this video

For example, Al Gore prophesized two years ago that “the entire North Polari(ized) cap will disappear in 5 years.” New York, he said, would disappear under the rising seas. And the world would end in a rising tide of…well…rising tides. In this clip, Al Gore gets ambushed by O’Reilly producer Jesse Watters. He squeals like little girl who just saw a spider.

It sucks when your own words come back to haunt you. It really sucks.

For example, Al Gore prophesied two years ago that “the entire North Polari(ized) cap will disappear in 5 years.” New York, he said, would disappear under the rising seas. And the world would end in a rising tide of…well…rising tides.

In this clip, Al Gore gets ambushed by O’Reilly producer Jesse Watters. He squeals like little girl who just saw a spider.

Turns out sea ice has increased by hundreds of thousands of square miles since Gore’s prediction. And the only thing disappearing is the former vice president’s credibility.

H/T: Gateway Pundit

Obama now thinks of himself as one of the Founding Fathers

Call the sculptors. Tell them to start carving Barack Obama’s head on Mount Rushmore. Obama said Sunday that the United States is still “working on” democracy and a top aide said he has taken “historic steps” to improve democracy in the United States during his time in office.

obama rushmore Call the sculptors. Tell them to start carving Barack Obama’s head on Mount Rushmore.

ForeignPolicy.com reports the egomaniacal details:

Obama said Sunday that the United States is still “working on” democracy and a top aide said he has taken “historic steps” to improve democracy in the United States during his time in office.

The remarks came as Obama met with Kazakh President Nursultan Nazarbayev….

The presidents had a very lengthy discussion of issues of democracy and human rights,” NSC senior director Mike McFaul said on a conference call with reporters Sunday. “Both presidents agreed that you don’t ever reach democracy; you always have to work at it. And in particular, President Obama reminded his Kazakh counterpart that we, too, are working to improve our democracy.”

The Wall Street Journal’s Jonathan Weisman asked McFaul to clarify.

“You seemed to be suggesting there was some equivalence between their issues of democracy and the United States’ issues, when you said that President Obama assured him that we, too, are working on our democracy,” Weisman said. “Is there equivalence between the problems that President Nazarbayev is confronting and the state of democracy in the United States?”

“Absolutely not . . . There was no equivalence meant whatsoever,” McFaul said. “[Obama’s] taken, I think, rather historic steps to improve our own democracy since coming to office here in the United States.”

Nah, no equivalence meant whatsoever. Because while the Founding Fathers actually believed in the Constitution, Barack Obama believes the Founding Fathers were probably sexist and wonders why we don’t also honor the Founding Mothers and Founding Transsexuals.

Source: ForeignPolicy.com

Obama’s new nuclear weapons policy quickly becomes his old nuclear policy. And vice versa.

After the back and forth between Barack Obama and Sarah Palin regarding nuclear weapons policy, let’s see if we can tell which shell the pea is under.

Let’s see if we can tell which shell the pea is under.

On Wednesday, Sarah Palin described Barack Obama’s nuclear policy as being like, “A kid on the playground saying punch me in the face and I’m not going to retaliate.”

On Thursday, President Obama panned Palin’s paltry nuclear experience.

On Friday,
 Palin shot back by wondering what it was in Obama’s community organizer experience that makes him such an expert on nuclear policy.

On Saturday, both sides took a breather.

But on Sunday, the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton retreated from Obama’s nuclear as if she were French and proved Palin’s point in the process.
Continue reading “Obama’s new nuclear weapons policy quickly becomes his old nuclear policy. And vice versa.”

Just one question, my friends. When did John McCain get funny?

Sure, we know this commercial was written by some clever ad guy. But damn it, why didn’t John McCain show this kind of spunk during the presidential campaign? Why? Why? Why?

Sure, we know this commercial was written by some clever ad guy. But damn it, why didn’t John McCain show this kind of spunk during the presidential campaign? Why? Why? Why?

Since we’re highly-trained medical experts, you probably want to know our opinion. Well, we suspect that the doddering old fool went into a coma sometime in mid-2008 and just woke up.

Theory that cow farts cause global warming proves to be a bunch of hot air

Let’s start this story off by apologizing for that headline. It was juvenile. Childish. Beneath the dignity of our readers. Who the hell are we kidding? We know you chuckled. You don’t want to admit it, but you did.

Cows around the world are happy to hear this news

Let’s start this story off by apologizing for that headline. It was juvenile. Childish. Beneath the dignity of our readers.

Who the hell are we kidding? We know you chuckled. You don’t want to admit it, but you did.

The Telegraph UK has the flatulence news flash:

In the past environmentalists, from Lord Stern to Sir Paul McCartney, have urged people to stop eating meat because the methane produced by cattle causes global warming.

However a new study found that cattle grazed on the grasslands of China actually reduce another greenhouse gas, nitrous oxide.

…Klaus Butterbach-Bahl, of the Karlsruhe Institute of Technology in Germany, carried out the study in Inner Mongolia in China. He found that grassland produced more nitrous oxide during the spring thaw when sheep or cattle have not been grazing. This is because the greenhouse gas, also known as laughing gas, is released by microbes in the soil. When the grass is long snow settles keeping the microbes warm and providing water, however when the grass is cut short by animals the ground freezes and the microbes die.

Dr Butterbach-Bahl said the study overturned assumptions about grazing goats and cattle.

“It’s been generally assumed that if you increase livestock numbers you get a rise in emissions of nitrous oxide. This is not the case,” he said.

To sum up the study in one sentence, far more bullshit has been produced by the global warming cabal than all the cows in the world.

Source: Telegraph UK

Liberal headline: Racist Gingrich attacks Obama because he’s black.
Conservative headline: Gingrich calls Obama a socialist.

It’s about time, isn’t it? Seriously, the so called leaders of the conservative movement have been pussyfooting around this subject for far too long.

It’s about time, isn’t it? Seriously, the so called leaders of the conservative movement have been pussyfooting around this subject for far too long.

Associated Press reports Newt’s notable comments:

Gingrich reminded conservative activists why he was one of the nation’s most polarizing leaders in the 1990s, opening the Southern Republican Leadership Conference with a biting assessment of Obama’s policies.

“The most radical president in American history has now thrown down the gauntlet to the American people: ‘I run a machine. I own Washington and there’s nothing you can do about it,'” Gingrich said. He urged his fellow Republicans to stop what he called Obama’s “secular, socialist machine.”

The left, of course, weill immediately label Gingrich a racist. Because as we all know, “socialist” is just conservative code for “negro.”

Kind of like “racist” is liberal code for “Damn it, somebody finally had the nerve to state the obvious.”

Source: Associated Press via Breitbart.com

Oh, the humanity! Global warming is destroying
Los Angeles!

Los Angeles is broke. Strapped for cash. In the middle of an “urgent financial crisis.” It needs a giant “Will work for food” sign next to every city limits sign. And it owes it all to the global warming scam.

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa presents next year's budget to the city council

Los Angeles is broke. Strapped for cash. In the middle of an “urgent financial crisis.” It needs a giant “Will work for food” sign next to every city limits sign. And it owes it all to the global warming scam.

The Wall Street Journal has the details:

What’s brought the famed city to this pass? Global warming, of course. Or more precisely, the crusade against global warming.

A couple of months ago, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa proposed electricity rate hikes of 9% to 28% to wean the city off coal and pay for its aggressive renewable energy portfolio. Residents and businesses bristled at such a steep increase in their electric bills, especially during a recession. Facing irate constituents, the city council nixed the utility’s proposed 5.7% three-month rate hike, the first of four increases planned.

This in turn prompted the utility to withhold $73.5 million of the $220.5 million surplus revenue it was expected to transfer to the city. Without the rate hike, the utility’s interim manager S. David Freeman says it doesn’t have enough money to pay its own bills and hand the city the $73.5 million. The city council complains that the utility is holding the city hostage.

What’s really holding the city hostage is the state’s global warming law and the mayor’s green energy agenda, which includes boosting renewables to 40% of the city’s energy portfolio by 2020. The state’s renewable goal is 33%. The mayor says the city could face hundreds of millions of dollars in fines if it doesn’t comply with the state’s numerous renewable energy and carbon reduction mandates. But of course complying with these mandates means a sharp increase in energy prices, as Los Angeles residents are now discovering.

Global warming is real. The weather is warm. The actresses are hot. And the city’s finances have melted down.

How much more proof do you need, you filthy denier?

Source: Wall Street Journal

James Cameron goes to the Amazon, bores the hell out of natives

Hollywood writer-producer-director-conspicuous consumer James Cameron is starting to believe his own bullshit. After creating Avatar, he’s become a born again environmentalist.

James Cameron Amazon
“James, James, James of the Jungle, brave as he can be. Watch out for that treeeeeeee.”

James Cameron goes to the Amazon, bores the hell out of natives.

Hollywood writer-producer-director-conspicuous consumer James Cameron is starting to believe his own bullshit. After creating Avatar, he’s become a born again environmentalist.

The New York Times dutifully traipsed after Cameron on an Avatar-ish adventure to Brazil, where the director dappled himself with facepaint and spoke like a character from one of his films.

The Times reports on the hypocritical hype:

“The snake kills by squeezing very slowly,” Mr. Cameron said to more than 70 indigenous people, some holding spears and bows and arrows, under a tree here along the Xingu River. “This is how the civilized world slowly, slowly pushes into the forest and takes away the world that used to be,” he added.

As if to underscore the point, seconds later a poisonous green snake fell out of a tree, just feet from where Mr. Cameron’s wife sat on a log. Screams rang out. Villagers scattered. The snake was killed. Then indigenous leaders set off on a dance of appreciation, ending at the boat that took Mr. Cameron away. All the while, Mr. Cameron danced haltingly, shaking a spear, a chief’s feathery yellow and white headdress atop his head.

The boat pulled away and Cameron waved goodbye to his newfound forest friends.

“Can you believe that crazy American woman was afraid of a snake,” one native laughed as he waved adieu. “By the way, you owe me five bucks. I told you I could convince that moron to paint his face.”

Source: New York Times

SEIU boss calls members of his union “f—ing rabidly racist”

But wait. But wait. But wait. We thought it was supposed to be the tea partiers who are racist. Now it turns out that a leader of the SEIU thinks his own union members are racist.

But wait. But wait. But wait. We thought it was supposed to be the tea partiers who are racist. Now it turns out that a leader of the SEIU thinks his own union members are racist.

Gerry Hudson, Executive Vice President of Service Employees International Union (better known as SEIU), spoke his mind while discussing immigration reform on C-SPAN last week:

“I think we got some real problems. I spent a lot of time in Wisconsin and places like that where I have heard some of the most anti-immigrant sentiments around. It’s so f—ing rabidly racist.”

“My friends are racist. My enemies are racist. Strangers are racist. Eeeeeeeveryone is racist.”

H/T: Gateway Pundit

White conservatives: Do not not attempt this at home. Nor anywhere else.

If you harbor dreams of becoming a white, conservative rap star, please take our advice. Don’t. This is Hayward, California rapper Brian Bergondy setting the conservative movement back about 30 years in the inner city.

If you harbor dreams of becoming a white, conservative rap star, please take our advice. Don’t.

This is Hayward, California rapper Brian Bergondy setting the conservative movement back about 30 years in the inner city.

H/T: HotAir.com

Arlen Specter doesn’t know if he’s a Republican or a Democrat. Nor much of anything else.

Former Republican, current Democrat, and soon to be retired Senator Arlen Specter appeared at Penn State University, but seemed confused about why he was there and to whom he was speaking.

Former Republican, current Democrat, and soon to be retired Senator Arlen Specter appeared at Penn State University, but seemed confused about why he was there and to whom he was speaking.

The 80-year old coot stood before the gathered crowd and announced that he was proud to get the endorsement of the state’s college Republicans.

Problem is he was speaking to the college Democrats.

Oh, one other problem. They hadn’t actually endorsed him.

It wasn’t just a senior moment. It was a senior senator moment.

What the hell was that Qatari diplomat smoking?

Now we learn that the Qatari diplomat who was arrested for lighting up in the restroom aboard a flight bound for Denver may not have been lighting up a cigarette. He was lighting up a “one hitter.” Unless you’re talking about baseball, we don’t have the foggiest idea what a one hitter is. Shep Smith doesn’t seem to know, either.

Now we learn that the Qatari diplomat who was arrested for lighting up in the restroom aboard a flight bound for Denver may not have been lighting up a cigarette. He was lighting up a “one hitter.”

Unless you’re talking about baseball, we don’t have the foggiest idea what a one hitter is. Shep Smith doesn’t seem to know, either (although his denial seems a bit nuanced to us).

So we went to the ultimate source of all knowledge, the Oracle of Wikipedia, to find out.

A one hitter is a miniature pipe designed for a single inhalation, or “hit” of a smokable product, normally marijuana.

This pipe may be marketed together with a rectangular (or sometimes cylindrical) wooden case with two compartments, the larger to store the herb and a narrower, cylindrical compartment to store the pipe. The case is sometimes called a dugout, hitter box, pinch hitter, a pinchey, a tote-a-smoke, or a pinger (because it makes a “ping” sound when opened).

Just another public service from the folks at IHateTheMedia.com.

Source: Wikipedia

ObamaCare simile of the day: “It’s like the back of a refrigerator.”

”It’s like the back of the refrigerator. You see all these wires and the rest,” said Pelosi. “All you need to know is, you open the door. The light goes on….”

Nancy Pelosi empty refrigerator

KCBS.com reports on Nancy Pelosi’s ObamaCare Simile of the Day:

The Speaker compared it to the enactment of social security, medicare and the civil rights act.

And while she said it may not be perfect, it’s a bold step in the right direction.

”It’s like the back of the refrigerator. You see all these wires and the rest,” said Pelosi. “All you need to know is, you open the door. The light goes on….”

Yeah, it’s like when the light goes on and you realize that you should have stopped at the grocery store on the way home because the refrigerator is absolutely empty. And the only thing left in the house is a can of tuna. And you eat it standing over the kitchen sink.

Hey, c’mon, our simile is no worse than soon-to-be-former Speaker Pelosi’s.

(Don’t miss related article: ObamaCare Metaphor of the Day: “It’s getting the train out of the station.”)

Source: KCBS.com

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