Author: Administrator

Muslim leader in Buffalo loses his mind, wife loses her head

buffalo_beheading_coupleIn one of the strangest ironies yet, the founder of the BridgesTV network that was formed to improve the image of Muslim-Americans in the United States was just arrested for beheading his wife.

Muzzammil Hassan, a prominent Buffalo, New York area businessman, is charged with second-degree murder for beheading wife Aasiya Z. Hassan at his company’s office on Thursday.

Will this tragic story get much airplay on the mainstream media? Probably not. The media in this country doesn’t like to report any news that puts a Muslim in bad light.

We just have one question: he beheaded his wife and was only charged with second degree murder? What the hell do you have to do to get charged with first degree murder in Buffalo?

Now that’s what we call a stimulus package

Sometimes we love the media
Sometimes we love the media

The 23-year-old Israeli-born model Bar Refaeli was allegedly slated for last year’s Sports Illustrated cover, but was dropped and replaced by Marisa Miller when Bar couldn’t keep the good news to herself. As Page Six reports: “It’s very secretive, and the magazine likes to keep people guessing.”

Boyfriend and overpaid actor Leonardo DiCaprio has been pushing hard to get his squeeze on the cover. But judging from the photos and video, his effort was unnecessary.

Obama’s stimulus plan has been criticized for not taking effect fast enough. After the obligatory research the IHTM staff must rigorously and dutifully perform, we can report with certainly that the Bar Refaeli package provides instantaneous stimulation.

Fox News Producer Aaron Bruns arrested on child porn charges

Aaron Bruns
Aaron Bruns

TVNewser is reporting that Fox News Channel producer Aaron Bruns has been arrested and charged with one count of possession of child pornography. A Fox News spokesperson told TVNewser, “We are aware of the arrest and he is currently suspended without pay.”

Bruns has been with FNC in the Washington, D.C. bureau for over six years. He was an embedded producer with the Hillary Clinton campaign last year.

FishbowlDC further reports that Bruns’ was previously arrested on charges of distributing child porn in 1999. Fox News told TVNewser that his criminal record did not surface as he was hired in 2002, one year before Fox News instituted background checks.

We usually end with a clever line here, but there’s nothing funny about this. All we’ve got to say is, if he’s quilty, hang him high.

Update: The Smoking Gun says, “According to an arrest warrant affidavit filed in U.S. District Court, an FBI search of a Dell laptop in Bruns’s Washington, D.C. home turned up several photos and videos showing the sexual abuse of children as young as five years old.”

Update:The original video has been pulled, so we replaced it with a photo of him. If anyone has a new link to the video (not the one with Hilary), please let us know.

Matthews: I love to think with him

Not since Chris Mathews told us of the tingling sensation he gets up his leg when he hears Obama speak, has he shown off his Obama mancrush with such affection and enchantment as he did last night. If only he’d held back until this Saturday, Valentines Day, it would have been perfect.

During a special edition of Countdown, MSNBC’s Chris Matthews poured his heart out to Barack. He said that he was “very impressed with [Obama’s] amazing ability,” and told us that his guy was “at his best intellectually.” But, he really showed his affection with this comment: “What a mind he has, and I love his ability to do it on television. I love to think with him.”

Making sure not to leave out anyone else in his circle of friends, he added, “I think our breed looked pretty good tonight. I think the press looked very good tonight. I think they asked great questions. I loved, I would be very impressed with the press tonight.”

Love isn’t just in the air, it’s on the air.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak Obama

We always knew that Brian Williams had it out for President Bush. But now he’s calling him something he likely wouldn’t even call any of Obama’s terrorist friends: evil.

The NBC Nightly News anchor, last week on the Late Show with David Letterman, passionately described how he witnessed people line up to buy any type of Obama merchandise they could get their Messiah-worshipping hands on.

Gushing as if he’d just seen his first rock concert. he told Letterman he was thrilled at seeing so many people “that excited about our new chief executive after a line of what the ordinary voter would maybe describe as bad choices or choices of evils, for years, generations.”

Astute listeners will note it’s not him, but how “the ordinary voter” would describe Bush. According to Williams, “none of us have a party in my line of work. We all try to call balls and strikes down the center.”

Lounging off camera in his new “I love Obama” T-shirt, Williams reiterated
that he was completely impartial.

Hannity, Grandpa Munster separated at birth?

sean_hannitygrandpa_ped

We like Sean Hannity. Especially when he lets someone else speak. We’ve never thought he was the brightest bulb in the box, but we like him. That being said, what’s the deal with his new look? And are we the only ones to have noticed that his new look looks like an old look? And when we say old, we mean he’s beginning to look just like Grandpa Munster.

As you can see, the similarities are eerie. Just like Al Lewis, the veteran actor who played Grandpa to perfection, Hannity has a new slicked back hair style. A new, even pastier complexion. The same colorful sense of fashion. And the same confused logic Grandpa was famous for.

Please send your comments to Sean Hannity, Fox News, 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

Lauer’s pre-game propaganda

photo by Flickr's theotherway
photo by Flickr's theotherway

Turns out we hate the media more than ever on Super Bowl Sunday.

That’s because Matt Lauer achieved what medical experts have always
considered to be anatomically impossible by interviewing President Obama’s
while his lips were firmly planted on the president’s butt.

Sadly, NBC turned a 12-minute portion of its programming over to Matt Lauer and President Obama for a little Super Bowl pre-game propaganda.

Had the interview had been strictly about football, it might have seemed
more reasonable. But it strayed rather quickly into an opportunity for Obama
to discuss the war in Iraq and his economic stimulus package.

Does anyone recall a similar cloying interview with President Bush prior to
earlier Super Bowl games?

We don’t.

Paul McCartney’s new girlfriend hides horrible secret

barbara-waltersEx-Beatle Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend, a socialite named Nancy Shevell.

The good news is that unlike McCartney’s previous wife, Shevell is apparently rational, has millions of dollars of her own, and best of all, two fully-functional legs.

The bad news is that Shevell is Barbara Walters’ cousin.

Although we’re sure this is heartbreaking news for McCartney, we always feel it’s better that things like this come out before the wedding. We’re just sorry that we had to be the bearers of bad news.

(In order to maintain our remarkably high standards of journalistic integrity, we must report that this is a complete lie. There is nothing we enjoy more than being the bearers of bad news. Yee-haw!)

Dee Dee Myers finds new ass to kiss

vanity_fair_cover_obama1Bill Clinton’s former press secretary, Dee Dee Myers, has penned an article in the new issue of Vanity Fair in which she says Barack Obama is the most famous living person in the history of the world.

Myers made her comments only after removing her lips from Clinton’s lily white backside, where they have resided since 1995. And then in one quick, seamless move, she immediately attached those same lips to Obama’s considerably-less than lily white backside.

Is Obama the most famous person who ever lived? Here at I Hate The Media, we think not. Obama is famous only on one planet. We vote for Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise, who was known throughout the galaxy.

Hah! Take that, Dee Dee Myers.

CNN’s Cafferty compares Pelosi to Chinese dictator

mao_posterizedCNN’s Jack Cafferty, referencing Nancy Pelosi’s plan to spend hundred of millions of dollars on contraceptives as a as an economic stimulus has compared her to infamous Chinese Communist dictator Mao Zedong.

“What exactly did she mean,” Cafferty asked. “Are millions of dollars for contraception supposed to stop people from having babies? [That’s] starting to sound a little like Chairman Mao.”

For the sake of historical accuracy, we feel compelled to point out the vast differences between Mao and Pelosi.

Number One – Mao killed more than 20,000,000 of his countrymen. Pelosi merely annoys hers.

Number Two – Mao never had plastic surgery. Pelosi has gone under the knife so often that she can no longer blink.

Number Three – Mao led his followers in the 10,000 Mile March. Pelosi couldn’t lead a horse to water.

Obama goes Arab, says USA acts like dictator

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3mU6DH1PMY President Barack Obama stiffed all the American news channels and gave his first formal television interview to an Arabic cable TV network.

While discussing his orders to new Middle East envoy George Mitchell, Obama told the Dubai-based Al-Arabiya network, “What I told him is start by listening, because all too often the United States starts by dictating.”

Unsubstantiated reports say that Chris Matthews was rushed to a Washington, DC-area emergency room after having multiple thrills rush up his leg. The rapidly-worsening condition has begun to concern those close to Matthews.

Benicio Del Toro is full of bull

Droopy-eyed actor Benicio Del Toro just completed a new film that glorifies Che Guevera, Fidel Castro’s ruthless henchman.

Critics say the film whitewashes Che’s violent legacy by emphasizing the “romantic” parts of his life, but ignoring the violent, ruthless parts.

“We can’t cover it all,” Mr. del Toro said. “You can make your own movie.”

“Benicio del Toro is just one of the many accomplices of the Cuban tyranny,” said Armando Valladares, the Cuban dissident imprisoned by Castro. “All the murderers of people have had accomplices and people who made excuses for them. Stalin had them, Hitler had them, Pinochet had them, all the dictators have had apologists for them. Che Guevara and Fidel Castro also had them.”

The English translation of “Del Toro” is “of the bull,” making Benicio the most appropriately named person in Hollywood.

Welcome to the Chicago Blago Show

on_the_airTwo of Chicago’s top radio stations have offered ethically-challenged Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich jobs on the radio.

WGN-AM issued a press release offering Blago and his wife Patti, the 1 to 4 p.m. weekday slot. WLS-AM offered up a weekly show on Sundays from Noon to 2 p.m., but only if Blago resigns as governor.

“Welcome to the Chicago Rod Blago Show. We’re now taking bids if you’d like to go on the air. The current offer is $1,000,000 from Larry in Skokie.”

NY Times fires only conservative columnist

bill-krystalThe lone conservative voice on the Times’ op-ed page is history.

Bill Kristol, the op-ed page’s lone conservative, has been unceremoniously booted out the door by the Times. Kristol’s Monday contribution, “Will Obama Save Liberalism?” concluded with the sad line: “This is William Kristol’s last column.”

“I’m ambivalent,” Kristol said. “It’s been fun. It’s a lot of work. I have a lot of things going on. But I haven’t really focused on it.”

“Kristol’s not the only conservative in the world,” said an unnamed and completely fictional Times spokesperson. “We were negotiating with Karl Marx, but the rest of our editorial staff made it clear they don’t want anyone that conservative on our staff.”

Freezing D.C. welcomes Gore’s hot air

The green mode of transportation was unavailable today
The green mode of transpotation was unavailable today

Al Gore is about to begin his latest Chicken Little testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

But while Gore is blathering on about the ‘urgent need’ to combat global warming, a “Winter Storm Watch” has been issued for the region and significant snow, sleet, and ice has been predicted.

Global warming believers say this year’s brutal winter weather is proof of climate change. Highly-trained meteorologists at I Hate The Media say this year’s brutal winter weather is proof of brutal winter weather.

Hot PETA women and their cucumbers

We’re happy to report that General Motors isn’t spending $3,000,000 for a Super Bowl commercial this year. But what about other advertisers?

Is it wise to spend that much money on one commercial in this economic downturn? Surprisingly, many advertisers say, “Yes, it’s a bargain.”

Their rationale? The Super Bowl draws an immense audience and is, perhaps, the only programming on television that causes consumers to “lean forward” and watch the commercials.

No one will be leaning forward and watching the attached PETA commercial because it was rejected by the television network. Talk about your wardrobe malfunction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTdPRlHB4Os

Ass-kissing House GOP member tells Rush to back off

Rush Limbaugh stated the obvious when he said Obama is “obviously more frightened of me than he is Mitch McConnell. He’s more frightened of me, than he is of, say, John Boehner, which doesn’t say much about our party.” 



Ass-kissing Rep. Phil Gingrey, R-Ga., jumped the the defense of these two losers:

“I think that our leadership, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, are taking the right approach,” Gingrey said. “I mean, it’s easy if you’re Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks…But when it comes to true leadership, not that these people couldn’t be or wouldn’t be good leaders, they’re not in that position of John Boehner or Mitch McConnell.”

He then told reporters he’d love to stay and talk more, but was overdue for a ceremony at the Shrine of the Unknown Loser, where McConnell and Boehner were being enshrined.

Rush vs. Obama: Round Two

rocky_boxing“Obama was angry that Merrill Lynch used $1.2 million of TARP money to remodel an executive suite,” Limbaugh said. “Excuse me, but didn’t Merrill have to hire a decorator and contractor? Didn’t they have to buy the new furnishings? What’s the difference in that and Merrill loaning that money to a decorator, contractor and goods supplier to remodel Warren Buffet’s office? Either way, stimulus in the private sector occurs.”

The thing we love about Rush is the way he makes connections between seemingly unrelated ideas everyone else overlooks. Like this:

“How much money will the Obamas spend redecorating the White House residence? Whose money will be spent? I have no problem with the Obamas re-doing the place. It is tradition.”

“Cancel the new carpet,” Barack screamed to Michelle, “Limbaugh is onto us.”

Affleck cancels Newsweek subscription

henry_paulson_newsweekActor Ben Affleck is unhappy with Newsweek. He thinks the magazine should have been far more critical of Paulson’s economic bailout plan last summer.

“Newsweek,” Affleck said, “in deciding to tell all of America that we all have to put our trust in Henry Paulson, that’s like a mediaocracy. It’s presumptuous and it damaged us in some ways.

Join Ben in his righteous battle to keep America from becoming a “mediaocracy.” Help him turn it into a “Hollywoodocracy.”

Lights! Camera! Action! Shut the hell up!

Where does mania stop and Obama-mania begin?

freudThe Washington Post invited readers to send special messages to our new Fearless Leader on inauguration day. They reserved the right to reject negative ads, but didn’t appear to reject any ads for stupidity.

“I will be in the crowd in front of the Capitol today to witness this historic moment,” said one. “You should have my resume on file…I figured this was the best way to get in touch with you.”

“Congratulations,” said another. “Your leadership is required to change the Psyche of the Personal Economic Unit to solve the problem created by Wall Street.”

This administration doesn’t need a Surgeon General. It needs a Psychiatrist General.

ABC doesn’t know Blago’s a democrat

Question One: How many segments did ABC’s “Good Morning, America” devote to scandal-plagued Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich?

Answer One: Not one, not two, not three, but four segments.

Question Two: How many times did they mention his party affiliation?

Answer Two: Not four, not three, not two, not one, but zero times.

“Good Morning, America” spent nearly 20 minutes on this piece of human detritus. Yet no one ever saw fit to mention his party affiliation.

But Diane Sawyer did come very close to asking for the name and number of his hair stylist.

Helen Thomas: old as dirt, dumb as a rock

angry_catAnyone who thought the election of Barack Obama was going to declaw Hearst columnist Helen Thomas got a rude awakening at yesterday’s White House press briefing.

Thomas demanded to know why President Obama wants to send more troops into Afghanistan. Without waiting for an answer, she gave her own. We’re doing it, she said, to “kill more people.

At least Thomas is consistent. Historians tell us she also asked George Washington why he wanted to kill innocent Hessians, asked James Polk why he wanted to kill innocent Mexicans, and asked President Lincoln why he wanted to kill innocent Southerners.

Olbermaniac says al-Qaeda leader is innocent furniture salesman

prescription_drugsDon’t look now, but Keith Olbermann’s synapses are misfiring again.

The background: former Gitmo prisoner Said Ali al-Shihri, who was released in 2007, has received a plum promotion. He’s now an al-Qaeda leader in Yemen.

According to Olbermann’s latest lunacy, al-Shihri was innocently skipping through the desert picking flowers when he was detained. Only after being unfairly imprisoned did he begin working his way up international terrorism’s corporate ladder.

“But perhaps the real question is,” the Olbermaniac said, “Since we never tried him, never found him guilty, and the Bush administration set him free, what if he wasn’t a terrorist in the first place but we turned him into one by sending him to Gitmo?”

While we’re pondering “what ifs,” what if Olbermann remembered to take his meds every night.

Blago in Chicago foggo

foggy chicagoIQ-impaired Illinois governor Rod Blogojevich continues to amuse.

“The fix is in,” he insisted, claming that the Illinois legislature’s sole motivation for impeaching him is to enact a large tax increase that he is against.

When reminded that Chicago Mayor Daly called him “cuckoo,” Blago replied, “Here’s a question I have to you, to Mayor Daly and everyone else: whatever happened to the presumption of innocence?”

We’re not constitutional scholars, but we think the 34th Amendment says the presumption of innocence doesn’t apply to Democrat politicians in Illinois.

Maybe we’re wrong. Maybe it’s the 29th Amendment.

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