Category: News 2

news from around the globe

Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?

Just based on the following comment, some crafty publisher is probably preparing a book called, “The Wit and Wisdom of Our Fearless Leader.” Because this Obama guy, he’s a laugh riot.

“I know that there are a lot of folks out there who’ve been saying, ‘Oh, this is pork, and this is money that’s going to be wasted,’ and et cetera, et cetera,” President Obama glibly noted. “Understand, this bill does not have a single earmark in it, which is unprecedented for a bill of this size…There aren’t individual pork projects that members of Congress are putting into this bill.”

To that, we say, “If that ain’t pork we smell, they must be barbecuing ribs over at Harry Reed’s house.”

If the media won’t tell you what’s in it, we will. Here, thanks to the good folks over at National Review Online, is a brief list of the pork that peppers the “stimulus” bill: Continue reading “Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?”

Beagle voted Grand Kleagle? PETA compares kennel club to KKK

dog_close_upThe lunatics from PETA protested outside the Westminster Kennel Club dog show yesterday and compared the American Kennel Club to the Ku Klux Klan.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals contends that pure-breeding is harmful to dogs’ health.

One banner said, “Welcome AKC Members,” but “AKC” was crossed out replaced by “KKK.” PETA protesters dressed up in KKK garb, complete with white robes and tall, pointy hats.

Inside the arena, the AKA announced that only white dogs would be considered for Best of Show and dark colored dogs were forced to drink their water from separate, but equal bowls.

UPDATE: Detail of Aaron Bruns’ disgusting kiddie porn charges

Aaron Bruns
Aaron Bruns

Details of the child porn charges against a Fox News producer are even more disgusting than originally feared. Videos and photos on 29-year old Aaron Bruns’ laptop computer reportedly show “children under the age of ten being sexually abused by adult men and women.” Law enforcement officials indicate some of the children may be as young as five.

Sadly, this isn’t Bruns’ first child porn problem. He had been sentenced to three years probation after pleading guilty to distributing child porn over the internet back in 1999. At the time, police said they had found 6,000 pornographic images of children on his laptop computer at the University of Michigan.

WARNING: A copy of the affidavit in support of Bruns’ arrest warrant can be found by clicking on the following links. It is not for the squeamish, because it contains graphic detail about the vile nature of the porn found on Bruns’ laptop.

Aaron Bruns Affidavit Page 1
Aaron Bruns Affidavit Page 2

Obama names Republican to head Commerce, then takes away his responsibilities

acornHispanic and black groups didn’t like the idea of Republican Judd Gregg being named Commerce Secretary and having responsibility for the census. No, no, no. Didn’t like it at all.

So President Obama compliantly stripped census responsibilities away from Gregg and said the Director of the Census would now report directly to the White House. Republicans know that when Obama said “White House,” he really means Rahm Emanual, long-time Democratic political operative and nastiest man in Washington, DC.

The census is important politically because it is used to re-apportion congressional districts and to dole out federal funding. So it probably won’t be long before ACORN volunteers are hired to handle the census as efficiently as they already handle voter registration.

Consider it corruption you can believe in.

Leahy wants “Truth Commission” to investigate Bush administration

Speaking as if he had stepped out of the pages of George Orwell’s novel 1984, Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy said he wants to appoint a “Truth Commission” to investigate a whole range of decisions made during the Bush administration. He says it’s not intended to “humiliate” people, but to discover the truth.

Specifically, Leahy wants to look into detainee abuse, politically-inspired actions at the Justice Department, and matters of Iraq prewar intelligence. “I’m doing this not to humiliate people or punish people,” Leahy said, “but to get the truth out.”

“And after we get the Truth Commission going,” Leahy added, “we’ll start construction on the re-education…I mean summer camps for the Republicans…I mean defendants.”

“The War on Terror” now hate speech

Words matter according to President Obama. Especially when they might offend the sensitive terrorists of the world.

“Words matter in this situation,” Obama told Anderson Cooper, “because one of the ways we’re going to win this struggle is through the battle of hearts and minds.”

Obama thinks we can cozy up to moderate Muslims if we choose our words carefully. So “The War on Terror” is out. Instead, Obama uses inoffensive but meaningless platitudes like “the enduring struggle against terrorism and extremism.”

Obviously, with all the tax cheats running rampant in his administration, Obama hasn’t had time to work up a catchy new phrase to replace “The War on Terror.” So we’re here to help. How about:

“The Obama Thrill-O-Rama”
 or
“The Dynamite Vest Dance Recital.”
 or
“57 Virgin Tour 2009”

We’re here for you, Barack. Call us anytime.

Porn star runs for Senate, seems perfectly qualified

stormy_danielsAdult film star Stormy Daniels says she may run against Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter. Vitter, who was named in a Washington, DC prostitution ring, calls himself a social conservative.

“I don’t see how I can possibly embarrass him more than he already embarrassed himself…,” Daniels said. “Honestly, I’m not sure I’m willing to take the pay cut that comes with being a senator.”

This is like the old joke about the gorgeous woman who sits down next to a guy in a bar. He turns to her and says, “Would you have sex with me for $1,000,000.

“Well, that’s a lot of money,” she says. “I guess I would.”

He says, “How about $10?”

She’s shocked. She’s furious. “What do you take me for,” she says, “some kind of whore?”

“We’ve already established that,” he says, “now we’re just haggling about price.”

We know what Senators are. Why not just elect someone who’s willing to admit she’ll screw us all if the money’s right.

Quote of the day

“Members of Congress should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.”

We wish we could take credit for that line, but we can’t. It’s just one of those anonymous things floating around the internet.

No, wait. We did write that line. Right after we invented the internet.

Ahmadinejad wants change he can believe in

Ahmadinejad
image by Flickr's azrainman

Unfortunately, the change the Iranian leader wants is a change in U.S. policy.

Last week, Obama did as he said he would do and extended an olive branch to Iran with no pre-conditions. But Iran’s leaders made it clear they have no interest in talking to Obama unless we change our policies.

Just as conservatives have warned for years, Obama’s offer was misinterpreted by the extremist Islamic government. They said Obama’s willingness to reach out to Ahmadinejad “means Western ideology has become passive, that capitalist thought and the system of domination have failed.”

How is this possible? We’re we told that all our enemies would magically become our friends the moment Obama was elected?

We just feel so used.

Al Gore wins Grammy for most boring album of the year

What’s that? That wasn’t the category? Well, it should have been.

Hollywood continued its sordid love affair with Al Gore last night by awarding “An Inconvenient Truth” the 2009 Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album. It was “spoken” by Beau Bridges, Cynthia Nixon and Blair Underwood, because the producers knew that listening to Al Gore could cure sleep apnea.

“With wit, smarts and hope, AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH ultimately brings home Gore’s persuasive argument that we can no longer afford to view global warming as a political issue – rather, it is the biggest moral challenges facing our global civilization.”

Damn. We nodded off just reading the press release.

Global warming drives people insane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnze-_4_DpgA horribly depressed 17-year old Aussie boy was admitted last year to the psychiatric until at Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital.

So worried about global warming was the young man that he refused to drink water. Australian doctors termed the condition “climate change delusion.”

“Climate change could have a real impact on our psyches,” says Paul Epstein, associate director of Harvard Medical School’s Center for Health and the Global Environment.

Experts at the IHateTheMedia.com School of Medicine have dubbed the condition Gore Syndrome. Common symptoms include delusions of grandeur, rapid weight gain, and shriveling of the portion of the brain that controls logic.

Franken says, “Don’t forget me. I cheated on my taxes, too.”

al_franken_lying_liarsAl Franken, the Minnesota Democratic senatorial candidate, apparently considers Tim Geithner and Tom Daschle to be role models. Because the unfunny former comedian still owes more than $70,000 in back taxes, interest and penalties to 17 states.

When the problems were discovered, Franken immediately threw his accountant of 18 years under the bus. The poor accountant could only say, “I’ve been told to say ‘no comment.’”

Referring to Daschle’s withdrawal, President Obama said, “Ultimately it’s important for this administration to send a message that there aren’t two sets of rules. You know, one for prominent people and one for ordinary folks who have to pay their taxes.”

If Franken’s senate bid proves unsuccessful, Obama is reported to be considering him for a position in his administration. “He has all the qualifications we’re looking for,” said one fictional administration spokesperson.

Bush says rendition, Panetta says retraction

In the words of SNL’s Roseanne Roseannadanna, “Never mind.” Looks like another misstep – or misstatement – from those wild and crazy guys in the Obama administration.

Leon Panetta was forced to retract a previous statement in which he said the Bush administration sent terrorism suspects overseas to be tortured.

“I am not aware,” Panetta confessed, “of the validity of those claims.” What that means in plain English is, “I lied and got caught. Now get off my back.”

Panetta admitted that the Obama administration would continue the Bush policy of sending foreign detainees to other countries for questioning, but only with assurances they will not be tortured.

So let’s see. Obama’s pulling out of Iraq, but not really. Obama’s closing Gitmo, but not really. Obama’s stopping rendition, but not really.

We believe everything this administration says, but not really.

NY Times writer fantasizes about Obama sudsing up in the shower

photo: Flickr's Idiay
photo: Flickr's Idiay

We present the following excerpts from a NY Times column by Judith Warner, without comment. After all, what could we say that could top this stuff?

“The other night I dreamt of Barack Obama. He was taking a shower right when I needed to get into the bathroom to shave my legs, and then he was being yelled at by my husband, Max, for smoking in the house. It was not clear whether Max was feeling protective of the president’s health or jealous because of the cigarette.”

“The other day a friend of mine confided that in the weeks leading up to the election, the Obamas’ apparent joy as a couple had made her just miserable. Their marriage looked so much happier than hers. Their life seemed so perfect.”

We had the same dream the other night. Except instead of Barack Obama, it was Jessica Alba. We’re hoping to have the same dream again tonight.

You, too, can write for IHateTheMedia.com

Want to write a story for IHateTheMedia.com? It’s really simple. Just fill in the blanks in the following story.

“It was with deep regret today that President Obama’s nominee for (fill in the blank) withdrew (his/her) name from consideration for (fill in the job). “The fact that (fill in name) didn’t pay (his/her) taxes was a simple mistake anyone could have made,” said President Obama. “I regret that (fill in name) fell victim to partisan politics.”

(Fill in the blank with a side-splitting, hilarious, smartass comment).”

To be completely impartial, it’s equally easy to write for most of the media. In fact, it’s even easier because there are fewer blanks to fill in. For example, see the following story.

“It was with deep regret today that President Obama’s nominee for (fill in the blank) withdrew (his/her) nomination today for (fill in the job). “The fact that (fill in name) didn’t pay (his/her) taxes was a simple mistake anyone could have made,” said President Obama. “I regret that (fill in name) fell victim to partisan politics.”

(Fill in this blank with a completely sympathetic statement about the president and, if possible, say something derogatory about conservatives).”

And you thought being a journalist was a tough job.

They’re horrified, but not Gorified. 54% think media exaggerates global warming

ice_storm_with_iced_carsBad couple of weeks for Al Gore. First he had to brave dangerous blizzards to tell Congress about the dangers of global warming.

Now a new Rasmussen poll shows that most Americans think the media is blowing man’s impact on global warming (and its dangers) out of proportion.

To be specific, 54% percent of U.S. voters think the news media exaggerates the reality of global warming. Only 21% think the reporting reflects the situation accurately.

We took our own poll. 2% think Al Gore invented the internet. 54% think Al Gore is nuts. 93% are ready to move on to the next story.

Global warming bad, Oval Office warming good

Day One in the White House: President Obama works in the Oval Office in his shirtsleeves. The president’s explanation? He cranked up the thermostat because he hates to be cold.

During the campaign Obama said, “We can’t drive our SUVs and, you know, eat as much as we want and keep our homes on, you know, 72 degrees at all times.”

So why has Obama now cranked the Oval Office thermostat up that high? “He’s from Hawaii, O.K.” said Obama aide David Axelrod. “He likes it warm. You could grow orchids in there.”

Agricultural experts say the other thing that helps grow those orchids is the extraordinary amount of BS currently being spread in the Oval Office.

Paris Hilton endorses Obamanomics

paris_hilton_shoppingNEWS FLASH! The economy is saved. Renowned economist, heiress and attention-whore Paris Hilton has announced that she will save the world by doing what she does best – shopping.

Hilton says her income has continued unabated during the current international economic unpleasantness. Dimwitted promoters still line up to pay her big bucks to appear at their nightclubs.

She believes her economic philosophy — which can best be summarized as “Spend, spend, spend” — can revive the flagging retail industry.

“It’s really scary about the economy right now,” she told the British magazine Heat. “So the way I’m playing my part in helping is doing a lot of shopping wherever I go.”

We all owe Paris a huge debt of gratitude. And much like the national debt, it will only grow larger and never be repaid.

Obama enhances his resume, appoints himself Salary Czar

Idi Amin. Salary Czar is the only title he did not give himself
Idi Amin. Salary Czar is the only title he did not give himself

Barack Obama, not content with merely being president, has enhanced his resume with the additional title of “Salary Czar.” His new duties include telling corporate executives how much money they can make.

Next thing you know, he’ll have the White House tailor add golden epaulets on his suits and start wearing one of those military hats with a big gold eagle in front.

This is a slippery slope, President Obama. Once you start adding titles, it won’t be long before you end up like Idi Amin. His full title was “His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.”

Or perhaps you’ll be more modest, like Queen Elizabeth. Her full title is “Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, Queen of this Realm and of Her other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith.

Just think of it. You could become “Barack the First, by the Grace of Reverend Wright, Leader of the Free World and Territories, Salary Czar, Defender of Bill Ayers.”

There’s another dangerous slippery slope, too, President Obama.

Once you start regulating executive salaries, it won’t be long before you start regulating worker salaries.

Obama parrots FDR poorly, says “The only thing we have is fear itself.”

So much for the triumph of hope over fear. In an op-ed piece in today’s Washington Post, President Obama attempted to scare the livin’ bejeebers out of everyone.

He warned Congress to act quickly on his “stimulus” bill and warned that that failure to act could plunge us into a recession that might prove irreversible.

Irreversible. The world will plunge into a recession – maybe a depression – from which we will never recover. Never.

“Never,” according to a source within the Democratic National Committee, is defined as “A period of time so long that Obama won’t get re-elected.”

Are you kidding me? Now Obama’s Labor Secretary has tax problems.

hilda_solisIn what looks like an instant replay of other senate confirmation hearings over the last ten days, President Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Labor has now revealed income tax problems.

Hard to believe, but true. A Senate committee today abruptly canceled a hearing to consider Representative Hilda Solis as Secretary of Labor.

Oops. Pangs of conscience convinced Solis’ husband to pay $6,400 in tax liens YESTERDAY. The liens had been piling up against his business for up for 16 years, so it appears to be yet another remarkable coincidence that yet another of Obama’s nominees has decided to come clean and pay up immediately prior to confirmation hearings.

This isn’t an administration. It’s a sitcom.

Bogus poll says Rush less popular than Jeremiah Wright

According to a recent poll (view PDF of poll here), Rush Limbaugh is one of America’s the most unpopular political figures.

Calm down, relax, take a deep breath. It’s all nonsense.

The poll, conducted by the research firm Greenberg-Quinlan-Rosner, says Rush’s public-approval rating is just 21 percent among likely voters. That’s seven points lower than Reverend Jeremiah Wright and eight points lower than domestic terrorist and Obama pal Bill Ayers.

Here’s why it’s bogus. Greenberg-Quinlan-Rosner is a Democratic research firm run by Stan Greenberg. You remember Stan Greenberg. He’s the guy who joins in a daily conference call with buddies Rahm Emanuel, George Stephanopoulos, Paul Begala, and James Carville.

We thinking of conducting our own poll. How many of you think we should do it?

That was a joke. Conducting a poll. How many think we should do it? Get it?

Andrea Mitchell feels Tom Daschle’s pain

UPDATE: Our apologies. Turns out this is actually a photo of Al Capone, a completely different tax cheat.
UPDATE: Our apologies. Turns out this is actually a photo of Al Capone, a completely different tax cheat.

Andrea Mitchell feels badly for tax-dodgin’ Tom Daschle. She really does.

“I just got off the phone with Tom Daschle,” she said sympathetically on MSNBC. “And it was an emotional conversation…it sounded as though he were tearful, overwrought.”

When Republican Senator Jim DeMint contended that Democrat support for Daschle’s nomination had wavered, Mitchell was clearly upset. “You can say that the Democrats were uncomfortable as well,” Mitchell lectured, “but they were all supporting him publicly.”

“So this does read to the public as though the Republicans went after this man,” she wondered aloud, “someone that the President very much wanted, and brought him down.”

Like opposing the confirmation of a felonious tax cheat is a bad thing?

Groundhog bites Bloomberg, will do it again in six weeks

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0nCJKzTUKnEA little unsolicited advice: Never ask New York mayor Michael Bloomberg to pet sit while you’re on vacation. Let’s just say he’s not good with animals.

In an attempt to set up a good photo opportunity yesterday, Bloomberg manhandled the Staten Island Zoo’s ground hog. It responded to Bloomberg’s gentle touch by taking a bite out of his hand.

“They were definitely wrestling there for awhile,” a zoo representative said. “They definitely looked like they were involved in a tussle.”

Tussle? Bloomberg looked like he was competing in a greased pig contest.

Final score: Groundhog 1, Bloomberg 0.

Obama probably wishes Biden hadn’t paid his taxes

Ahhh, that wacky Joe Biden. He can always be counted on to embarrass his new boss. You may remember a couple weeks ago when he poked fun at Chief Justice Roberts’ flubbing Obama’s oath of office by saying, “My memory is not as good as Chief Justice Roberts’.” (View top video)

Well, yesterday it was Biden’s turn to put his verbal inadequacy on display. There he was at the State Department, swearing in new Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Prior to the oath, the crowd had chanted “Get it right, get it right, get it right.” Nevertheless, Joe tripped over his words – doing exactly that for which he had chastised Roberts. (View lower video)

We pray that Joe has paid all of his taxes. Because this guy’s going to give us a ton of material in the next four years.

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