Category: Television

Robert Gibbs drones on, White House reporter drops off

You’re the press secretary for the most powerful man on the planet. You’re in the middle of the greatest financial crisis in generations. Terrorists threaten the future of the world. Under the circumstances, people hang on your every word.

Unless you’re Robert Gibbs, the president’s press secretary. He smirks, he snarls, he smears, but even that isn’t enough to keep reporters from falling into deathlike trances during his daily press briefings.

One member of the White House press corps actually fell asleep yesterday. You can see her over the left shoulder of the reporter asking the question in this video.

It’s still a bit of a mystery who the heavy-lidded journalist may have been, but press corps observers say it appears to be Wall Street Journal reporter Laura Meckler, who is pregnant.

Our first inclination is to say, “Cut her some slack. She’s pregnant.” But upon further reflection, we’d like to amend that to, “Cut her some slack. She was listening to Robert Gibbs.”

Source: WJNO Radio and Gawker

Olbermann’s ratings shrinking faster than glacier in global warming

Top 10 cable shows for March 10, 2009After several months of soaring ratings, the numbers have dipped a tad over at Fox News. But they’re not complaining, because the numbers are in absolute freefall at MSNBC.

Looks like the election of President Obama is the best news Fox News has heard in years.

The accompanying chart looks at the top 10 cable TV shows for Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Source: MediaBistro, Nielsen Media Research

Ari Fleischer treats Chris Matthews like Chris Brown treated Rihanna

Chris Matthews misunderestimated former Bush press secretary Ari Fleisher last night on “Hardball.” When the MSNBC host attacked, Fleischer gave him a lesson in verbal pugalistics.

The “Hardball” host had barely said hello when he went on the attack.

“What brings you back?” Matthews challenged. “Is this the return from Elba? Is this the 100 days of Napoleon’s return from Crawford? What is going on with this network of former Bushies — current Bushies, I should say — singing the old song?”

“Well, Chris,” Fleischer responded coolly, “I’m here because you invited me to be here.”

“Oh, yes,” Matthews stammered. “OK.”

It went downhill from there. Every time Matthews attempted to land a body blow, Fleischer dodged it and delivered a stinging punch of his own. He never backed down.

At one point, Fleischer said, “Chris, do you ever not interrupt your guests, or is that all you’d like to do?” Even Matthews’ off-camera crew cracked up.

At various times in the interview, Fleisher called Matthews “disingenuous” and “shameful,” accused him of twisting people’s words, and said “How dare you?”

Enjoy the video, because we don’t think Matthews will invite Fleischer back on Hardball very soon.

Source: MSNBC.COM, NewsBusters.com

Make big bucks with Obama’s Magic Money Machine™

anigif_obama-makes-it-rain-with-surprise-9371-1236962397-4Down on your luck? Out of work? Bank foreclosing on your house? Wish you had a source of unlimited money?

Well, now you do! It’s called Obama’s Magic Money Machine™. And you can have one of your very own for just three easy payments of $19.95 per month. In fact, forget that. Obama’s Magic Money Machine will pay youuuuuuu.

But wait, there’s more! Call now and in addition to Obama’s Magic Money Machine™, we’ll give you a ShamWow and a Snuggie absolutely freeeeeee! But you must call now, because this special offer is only good for the first 300,000,000 callers. Not an American citizen? That’s no problem, either. Just swim across the river and give us a call because we hablamos español, senors y senoritas!

Obama’s Magic Money Machine™. Personally endorsed by Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd. Call now 1-800-IHATETHEMEDIA.COM.

*Obama’s Magic Money Machine™ is a registered trademark of IHateTheMedia.com.

NOTE: This is a freakin’ parody. Do not call that phone number. For all we know, it belongs to some porn operation in Bangkok.

Liberal CBS News anchor Katie Couric wins award named for liberal CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite.

Katie Couric may never win the ratings, but who cares? She just took home a coveted Cronkite Award (which we assume is called a “Wally” by TV insiders).

Couric’s Wally was presented for “her revealing, multi-part interview of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.”

The Wallies are awarded twice each year by the USC Annenberg School for Communication. They are named in honor of Walter Cronkite, once known as “the most trusted man in America.”

Couric won her award in the category “Special Achievement for National Impact on the 2008 Campaign.” Judges said the interview was a “defining moment in the 2008 presidential campaign.” But they didn’t stop here. No siree, Bob. They also called it “extraordinary, persistent and detailed.”

Other winners included ABC’s George Stephanopolous, who eked out a narrow win in the category “Best Achievement in Hair” and CBS’ Bob Schieffer, who took home a Wally in the category “Most Likely to Keel Over Dead In the Middle of a Story.”

All in all, it was an exciting evening for one and all.

Source: Huffington Post, Reliable Sources

Air America adds trash talk TV host Montel Williams

montel_williamsFormer trash TV host and current presidential coin conman Montel Williams is joining Air America. He has the perfect resume for floundering libtalk network – no radio experience.

“Montel Across America” debuts in April. Here’s how Air America describes this momentous occasion in a press release:

“Meet Air America’s newest addition, Emmy award-winning host Montel Williams! His new Air America program is called ‘Montel Across America,’ and it debuts April 6 airing weekdays from 9am-12pm EST on radio stations across the country.”

“On radio stations?” Most press releases include the number of radio stations. Like “Dennis Miller will debut in 73 markets.” Or “Rush Limbaugh is heard on 600 radio stations.” But Air America really doesn’t want to get into that sort of thing because they have so few affiliates.

So let’s just leave it at “…debuts April 6 from 9am-12pm EST on radio stations….”

“Next up on Air America, Rikki Lake asks teenage girls, ‘Who’s your baby daddy?”

Source: Radio Equalizer

Chuck Norris calls for rebellion, wants to be “President of Texas”

chuck norris flagBadass good guy Chuck Norris claims Texas has never formally been part of the United States and that the Lone Star State may lead a rebellion by seceding from the union. And if that happens, he’d like to be president of the new Lone Star Republic.

“That need may be a reality sooner than we think,” he said in a column at WorldNetDaily. “If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.”

“…we’ve bastardized the First Amendment,” he continued, “reinterpreted America’s religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.”

We might move to Texas just to see President Norris kick Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s bony little ass. Toss ‘em both into an ultimate fighting cage. Only one man comes out alive. Put it all on pay TV. Bingo. The budget is balanced and peace is restored.

Thank you, President Norris.

Source: Examiner.com; WorldnetDaily

Michelle Obama, Beyonce and Wonder Woman. All wrapped up in one convenient story

<b>Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Wonder Woman. Separated at birth?</b>
Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Wonder Woman. Separated at birth?

This started off as two completely different stories, but a third story popped up during our research that magically tied all three stories together into one mega-blockbuster piece of investigative reportage.

Story Number One: Beyonce claims that Michelle Obama approached her during an inauguration celebration just to say that the singer was a role model for her little girls.

Story Number Two: A story in the Huffington Post compares Michelle Obama to Wonder Woman.

Neither of those stories seemed strong enough to merit our attention. Goofy enough, to be sure, but not strong. But then, we ran into Story Number Three. It was kismet, fate, truth stranger than fiction.

Story Number Three: The LA Times reported on November 7, 2008 (just two days after the presidential election) that Beyonce desperately wanted to land the role of Wonder Woman in an upcoming film.

Do you see where this is going? Michelle Obama calls Beyonce a role model. Michelle Obama is like Wonder Woman. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman. This inextricable linkage cannot be mere coincidence. We contend that they are one and the same woman.

Just look at the evidence: All three dominate weak men. All three specialize in sleeveless costumes. And all three are black.

What’s that? You thought Wonder Woman was white? Au contraire, mon frere. Check out the junk in that trunk.

Source: The Sun, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Times

Comedian Bernie Mac accused of stealing $50 billion

Telling the difference between Bernie Mac and Bernie Madoff seems pretty simple to us.

One lost his life, the other lost $50 billion. One never stole more than a punch line, but the other stole a fortune from widows and orphans. One was black, the other is white.

Nevertheless, an MSBNC anchor had a bit of trouble telling one from the other while reporting that prosecutors will be seeking $170 Billion from Madoff. The older, whiter, more crooked of the two is expected to plead guilty to 11 criminal counts and could spend up to 150 years in the slammer. If he serves his full term, he will be 220 years old upon release.

We miss you, Bernie. And we mean Mac, not Madoff.

Al-Jazeera’s coverage of dictators is more honest than AP’s

This story provides a perfect demonstration of the corruption of the American media.

What else can it be called when Al-Jazeera’s coverage of tinhorn dictators is more honest than the coverage provided by Associated Press.

Just look at the difference in how the two services each covered the recent…uh…election in North Korea:

The AlJazeera.net story:
Kim ‘re-elected’ in N Korea vote

Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader, has been re-elected to the country’s parliament in elections that have been closely watched for hints as to his possible successor.

In an unsurprising result Kim was re-elected by voters in Constituency 333 with 100 per cent support, the official KCNA news agency said on Monday.

The report said voters renewed their “unshakable determination to devotedly safeguard” the North Korean leader.

The Associated Press story:
North Korean leader Kim re-elected to parliament

Kim Jong Il was unanimously re-elected to North Korea’s rubber-stamp parliament, state media said Monday, in elections closely watched for signs of a political shift or hints the autocratic leader is grooming a successor.

All eligible voters in Constituency No. 333 cast ballots for Kim, renewing their “unshakable determination to devotedly safeguard” the leader, the official Korean Central News Agency said in first results from Sunday’s poll.

Contrast the two headlines: Al-Jazeera put quotation marks around the word “re-elected” in recognition of the fraudulent nature of the “election.” AP, on the other hand, may as well have been reporting that the British Prime minister had been re-elected.

Contrast the second paragraphs: Al-Jazeera refers to Kim’s unanimous election as “unsurprising” (in parens), another acknowledgement of the fraudulent nature of the “election.” AP simply reports that all eligible voters cast ballots for Kim as if that’s a common occurrence in elections.

Shame on Associated Press. They are so consumed by political correctness that they seem incapable of simply saying, “Kim Jong Il is a petty dictator and this election was a fraud.”

The only thing missing from their story was this line:

“Former President Jimmy Carter traveled to Pyongyang to observe the election and certified that it met the highest international standards for honesty and transparency.”

Obama may reach out to “moderate” Taliban

talibanHere’s the formula: Conservative gives an interview and the media picks every answer to pieces. Liberal gives an interview and even the most ludicrous statement goes unquestioned.

Take, for example, last weekend’s interview with President Obama in the New York Times. Here’s how Reuter’s adoringly reported it:

“U.S. President Barack Obama is open to the idea of reaching out to moderate elements of the Taliban.”

“Obama said that some of the U.S. success in Iraq involved reaching out to Islamic fundamentalists who had been alienated by the tactics of al Qaeda in Iraq.”

We’re still trying to figure out what a moderate Taliban is and wonder why neither the Times nor Reuters asked the question.

Are the moderates the ones in the General Department for the Preservation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (Amr-bil Maroof Wa Nahi Anil Munkar) who search houses and destroy television sets, radios, cassettes, and photographs?

Or the ones who roam the streets beating those they deem to be violators of Sharia law? The ones behind gender apartheid who force women to wear burqas and ban girls from attending school? The ones who control the opium trade? The ones who perform mass executions in Kabul’s soccer stadium? The ones who destroyed ancient Buddhist statues because they were “blasphemous?”

Moderate Taliban. That’s what’s known as an oxymoron. Like “jumbo shrimp” and “Senate Intelligence Committee.”

Sources: NY Times; Reuters

UPDATE: Joe Biden explains moderate Taliban (video)

Chris Brown must think Nickelodeon is tough to beat

<b>It's tough to beat a network that doesn't care if you beat your girlfriend.</b>
It's tough to beat a network that doesn't care if you beat your girlfriend.

A couple months ago, singer Chris Brown was nominated for two Kids’ Choice Awards. A couple weeks ago, he was accused of beating the putty out of girlfriend Rihanna.

If you think Nickelodeon might withdraw the nominations to protest Brown’s behavior, think again. No way.

It’s translation time again here at IHateTheMedia.com.

What Nickelodeon said was, Brown “was nominated by kids several months ago, and the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category.”

What Nickelodeon meant was “This damn award show generates big ad bucks and if you think we’ll do anything to risk that, you’re crazy.”

The preceding translation brought to you as a public service by IHateTheMedia.com.

SOURCE: TMZ

Second PR agent quits octomon, calls her “nuts”

Nadya Suleman is nuts? In the words of Gomer Pyle, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!"
Nadya Suleman is nuts? In the words of Gomer Pyle, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!"

Another publicist has walked out on Nadya Suleman, the infamous octomom. In the words of Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise, surprise.”

According to Us Weekly, PR maven Victor Munoz is the latest one to take a hike. “It just got to be too much,” Munoz said. “It’s pretty much a free for all over there right now. They are freaking out right now.

“Nadya got real greedy,” Munoz added. “This woman is nuts.”

Far be it from us to question Munoz’ judgment, but we’re wondering what ever made him think Suleman wasn’t nuts.

Was it the octuplets? Or her first six kids? Or the whole kit and kaboodle of fourteen kids with no father? Or the initial story that the father was in Iraq? Or the hundreds of threatening emails sent to the first PR agent?

There’s a giant red neon sign figuratively flashing over this woman’s head:

“Nuts…nuts…nuts…”

Source: Us Weekly

President’s “Middle Class Task Force” packed with highly-paid elitists, no middle class

<b>Typical transportation for members of President Obama's Middle Class Task Force</b>
Typical transportation for members of President Obama's Middle Class Task Force

The press trumpets President Obama’s Middle Class Task Force. But they never mention that it’s made up of highly-paid Veep Joe Biden and seven other White House elitists.

Maybe it should be renamed “President Obama’s Vision of What the Middle Class Looks Like Task Force.” Because no one who’s actually a member of the middle class is a member of the Middle Class Task Force.

Middle class is generally defined as anyone earning between $30,000 and $100,000 a year. Yet every member of the Task Force makes at least $150,000, putting them in the top 5% of American wage earners.

For example, Vice President Biden makes $227,000 per year. Council of Economic Advisors chair Christina Romer pulls down $172,000. And Energy Secretary Steven Chu takes home $191,000. And that’s just from their government gigs. Who knows how much they make from other sources.

In order to research the problems of the middle class, perhaps Task Force members can roll down the privacy windows in their limos and speak to their drivers. That’s about as close to middle class as these guys are likely to get.

Source: Yahoo News

American media ignores bungling Obama, British media irate

President Obama bungled meetings this week with America’s most important ally. The British are irate about it.

First, Obama unceremoniously returned a bust of Winston Chuchill the Brits had given to President Bush right after 9-11. Then, he snubbed Prime Minister Gordon Brown by deciding he wasn’t important enough to merit a joint press conference. Finally, after Brown was thoughtful enough to present Obama with a beautiful pen holder hand-carved from a plank from a former anti-slavery ship, Obama reciprocated by giving Brown a collection of DVDs.

The Brits are up in arms. Editorial after editorial and article after article has ripped Obama’s trashing of the “special relationship” the two countries share. But the story has been ignored by the adoring American media. For example, a Google News search for “Obama, “British,” and “25 DVDs” turns up a mere 21 stories, including reprints in various publications.

We can’t even say it’s a case of conservative-liberal bias, because a search for “Hillary,” “Europe,” and “reset” turns up 249,000 stories and her gaffe only happened on Friday. No, this is strictly a case of the media protecting its investment in Barack Obama.

But perhaps we shouldn’t really blame the American media. They had plenty of other important stories that needed covering this week. Like Octomom. Has she had anymore kids yet? And Michelle. Is she wearing sleeves today?

Gordon Brown may be rethinking his earlier comments in this video.

Cramer calls Obama administration “amateur hour at our darkest moment”

Don’t get on the wrong side of CNBC’s Jim Cramer. (Although to be quite honest, we’re not sure there is a “right side” of the volatile “Mad Money” host.)

Cramer, who admits to being a lifelong Democrat and contributing “six figures” to Democrat politicians and causes, has jumped ship on Obama’s economic program.

“Until the Obama administration starts listening,” Cramer said, “until they start paying attention to what you’re watching – to the stock market – until they realize that their agenda is destroying the life savings of millions of Americans, then all I can give you is caution.”

“It’s amateur hour at our darkest moment. It’s the feeling of capitalism vanishing, businesses capsizing under their own weight thanks to an administration that doesn’t seem to know or maybe doesn’t care.”

What’s the difference between Cramer and Obama? Simple.

When we watch Cramer, we always get the feeling he could burst a blood vessel at any moment and keel over dead.

When we watch Obama, we always get the feeling that we could burst a blood vessel at any moment and keel over dead.

So overall, we prefer watching Cramer.

Trump’s unsuccessful TV show more successful than his real estate empire

donald_trump_hairDonald Trump’s ratings-challenged Apprentice TV show has already been cancelled and brought back from the dead once. His real estate empire may not be so lucky.

The partnership behind the Trump Ocean Resort Baja, a luxury hotel-condo project in Mexico, has gone belly up, costing scores of small investors more than $32 million. Investors have been told they won’t get a penny back.

The Mexican problems couldn’t come at a worse time for Trump. His casino company filed for bankruptcy protection last month. He also having trouble making payments on his Trump International Hotel & Tower in Chicago.

“I can’t even stand to see Trump’s face on TV,” said Linda Drake, one of his Mexican investors.

Who cares about the collapse of his real estate empire? We’re waiting for the collapse of his hair. That’ll be worthy of an hour long special. They’ll replay it over and over in slowmo like one of those imploding buildings.

SOURCE: Breitbart

Two Three more people bail out of the bail-out team

Team Obama just can’t seem to set its starting line-up. Nominees, potential nominees, and rumored nominees continue to drop like flies.

Annette Nazareth, a former commissioner with the SEC, made “a personal decision” and pulled her name from consideration to be Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner’s top aide.

Then, in a huge blow to TV viewers around the world, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, CNN’s chief medical correspondent, said he no longer wanted to be considered for the Surgeon General job because of “personal reasons.”

Seems to us that “personal reasons” has now become Liberalese for “I haven’t paid my taxes for the last seven years?”

UPDATE: Now a third potential member of Obama’s team has bailed. Caroline Atkinson, nominee for undersecretary of international affairs, has also withdrawn from consideration.

Obama can’t adlib, takes teleprompter everywhere

Say what? Turns out President Obama, a man whose soaring oratory won him an election, is hapless and helpless without his Teleprompter. He refuses to give a speech without one (see accompanying video to see why).

The ol’ teleprompter broke down a few times on the campaign trail last summer and Obama responded by delivering some “less than ordinary” speeches.

Presidential historians admit no other president has ever been so dependent on the device. “It’s just something presidents haven’t done,” Martha Joynt Kumar said. “It’s jarring to the eye. In a way, it stands in the middle between the audience and the president because his eye is on the teleprompter.”

Fine. Let Obama have his Teleprompter. But please don’t buy one for Joe Biden.

IHateTheMedia.com depends on the vice president’s ad libs as much as Obama depends on his Teleprompter.

Source: Politico

Alec Baldwin calls Rush Limbaugh “uneducated, marginally talented, overbearing”

Alec Baldwin
Former leading man Alec Baldwin stopped berating his teenage daughter long enough to berate Rush Limbaugh. Photo: Wikipedia

When Alec Baldwin’s leading man career went down the tubes, he turned to television comedy with some success. Now he’s turned to writing political satire. At least we think it was satire.

How else can you explain the article Baldwin wrote the Huffington Post titled, “Hoping the GOP Gets Its Act Together” in which he says, “Rush Limbaugh is an uneducated, marginally talented, overbearing, recovering drug addict who was, at least according to Wikipedia, ineligible for the draft because he had cysts on his ass.”

This from a man with anger control issues who has been accused of physically abusing his wife and psychologically abusing his teenage daughter.

But those accusations pale in comparison to the most damning fact about Alec Baldwin: He appeared in 39 episodes of Knott’s Landing and isn’t ashamed to say so.

Note: Make sure you read the entire article for more insight into Republicans, like what he says about “hypocritical evangelicals who are too lazy to raise their own children properly…”

Source: Huffington Post

CNN calls Limbaugh speech “angry, mocking, bullying, harsh, and full of contempt.” Yeah, but did they like it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rDncw6uQ_I width=300 height=188CNN political analyst Bill Schneider had a conniption fit over Rush Limbaugh’s CPAC speech last weekend.

In fact, we’re pretty sure we saw a little spittle forming at the corners of his mouth at the mere thought of Limbaugh.

“Well, this was a very angry speech,” Schneider seethed. “… The tone of this speech was mocking, bullying, it was full of contempt, and I thought it was a very harsh speech. One that while it rallied the conservative audience, also angered a lot of Democrats and people who aren’t particularly partisan just by the tone of it.”

Based on our keen powers of observation, we think this is what professional psychologists call “projecting.” And what amateur psychologists call “the pot calling the kettle black.” And what IHateTheMedia.com calls “Tough luck, Bill.”

Chavez to Obama: Be my socialist homeboy

<b>We don't need no stinkin' constitution bigger than this!</b>
We don't need no stinkin' constitution bigger than this! Either do you America.

President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has just called upon President Obama to help lead the world out of the global recession by joining the project of “21st century socialism” of which Chavez is the self-proclaimed leader.

Speaking to a group of workers in the Venezuelan state of Bolivar, their Dear leader directed this comment to our Dear Leader: “Come with us, align yourself, come with us on the road to socialism. This is the only path. Imagine a socialist revolution in the United States/”

Far-fetched? Not to Chavez: “Nothing is impossible. Who would have thought in the 1980s that the Soviet Union would disappear? Nothing is impossible. Who would have thought in the 1980s that the Soviet Union would disappear? No one,” he said. “That murderous, genocidal empire has to end, and some day there has to come a leader … who interprets the best of a people who also include human beings who suffer, endure, weep and laugh.”

Reporters and anchors in the newsrooms of America must be bewildered. On the one hand, it is music to their ears to hear the call to socialism here in America, coming on so strong and so soon after they collectively installed their president. On the other hand, there aren’t a lot of reporters reporting in Venezuela, now are there?

Source: Drudge Report

Formerly significant Tina Brown calls currently significant Limbaugh a “blow-hard bullfrog”

Formerly significant former Vanity Fair and New Yorker editor Tina Brown appeared on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program last week and worried that a new liberal TV commercial attacking Rush Limbaugh will backfire.

“The only thing I do regret, though, is that this giant, you know, blow-hard bullfrog, you know, Rush Limbaugh is being turned into this big icon,” Brown whined.

A liberal group that calls itself “Americans United for Change” produced this spot, which paints Republicans as “a party of no” and includes Limbaugh’s comment that he wants Obama’s policies to fail.

“Jeremiah was a bullfrog,” Brown might have said, “he was a good friend of mine. And Rush Limbaugh’s no Jeremiah.”

And that, my friends, is what happens when Tina Brown has too many banana daiquiris and simultaneously channels Lloyd Bentsen and Three Dog Night.

Source: Scott Whitlock at NewsBusters

Roseanne attacks Israel, makes claims even Hamas couldn’t make with a straight face

Photo: Rosanne's World
Photo: Rosanne's World

Just as we were starting to think we’d never find anyone crazier than Hamas, along comes Roseanne Barr. The former star and current lunatic claims Israel is firing those rockets at itself.

This comes direct from her website, Roseanne World.

ohlmert you lie:

you say that twelve rockets were fired into israel since the end of the “war” (ethnic cleansing). Not one Israeli was hurt or killed by these rockets, and now you say you are going to go back and kill more palestinians to teach them a lesson!!!

“I think rockets are being fired by your own sources, since less than ten israelis have been killed by them. You are bullshitting the world as you pocket money made from arms sales, along with bibi and your agents in Hamas. step down all men in power!

Please note that all incorrect punctuation and lack of capitalization comes courtesy of the lovely and gracious Miss Barr.

Our thanks to the good folks at Gateway Pundit for this absolutely bizarre story.

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