Vanity Fair asks Rachel Maddow about fart fetishes. And other sophisticated stuff.

rachel maddow closeupConservatives are constantly told how unsophisticated they are. That they’re rubes. Bumpkins. Recent refugees from turnip trucks.

Well, listen here, you liberal city slickers. You can keep your sophistication, if that’s what they call it over at Vanity Fair magazine these days.

The current issue features an interview with MSBNC host Rachel Maddow. It’s probably the most bizarre interview ever conducted by a major publication. We’ll just tease you with this bizarre exchange:

Vanity Fair: Miss “Cable Queen,” as Vogue calls you, do you suffer from any paraphilia?
Maddow: Paraphilia?
Vanity Fair: Listen to this saucy pedant. Paraphilia is having a rare erotic fetish. Perhaps you may indulge in eproctophilia?

Maddow: Duh?
Vanity Fair: Darling! Eproctophiliacs are those sexually turned on by farts and farting!
Maddow: That word actually exists?

As you can see, we are simply not smart enough, not sophisticated enough, not freakin’ loony enough to be good leftists.

Bumpkins of the world unite!

Source: Vanity Fair

It’s our first weekend caption contest

<b>Click for full image</b>
Click for full image

Want to win an IHateTheMedia.com T-shirt or coffee mug? Just submit the funniest caption of the weekend (as a comment). Only one entry per person. We’ll pick the winner and send you the T-shirt or mug of your choice. Have fun. Be creative. Make us laugh.

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNER: Continue reading “It’s our first weekend caption contest”

Olbermann’s ratings shrinking faster than glacier in global warming

Top 10 cable shows for March 10, 2009After several months of soaring ratings, the numbers have dipped a tad over at Fox News. But they’re not complaining, because the numbers are in absolute freefall at MSNBC.

Looks like the election of President Obama is the best news Fox News has heard in years.

The accompanying chart looks at the top 10 cable TV shows for Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Source: MediaBistro, Nielsen Media Research

Ari Fleischer treats Chris Matthews like Chris Brown treated Rihanna

Chris Matthews misunderestimated former Bush press secretary Ari Fleisher last night on “Hardball.” When the MSNBC host attacked, Fleischer gave him a lesson in verbal pugalistics.

The “Hardball” host had barely said hello when he went on the attack.

“What brings you back?” Matthews challenged. “Is this the return from Elba? Is this the 100 days of Napoleon’s return from Crawford? What is going on with this network of former Bushies — current Bushies, I should say — singing the old song?”

“Well, Chris,” Fleischer responded coolly, “I’m here because you invited me to be here.”

“Oh, yes,” Matthews stammered. “OK.”

It went downhill from there. Every time Matthews attempted to land a body blow, Fleischer dodged it and delivered a stinging punch of his own. He never backed down.

At one point, Fleischer said, “Chris, do you ever not interrupt your guests, or is that all you’d like to do?” Even Matthews’ off-camera crew cracked up.

At various times in the interview, Fleisher called Matthews “disingenuous” and “shameful,” accused him of twisting people’s words, and said “How dare you?”

Enjoy the video, because we don’t think Matthews will invite Fleischer back on Hardball very soon.

Source: MSNBC.COM, NewsBusters.com

Make big bucks with Obama’s Magic Money Machine™

anigif_obama-makes-it-rain-with-surprise-9371-1236962397-4Down on your luck? Out of work? Bank foreclosing on your house? Wish you had a source of unlimited money?

Well, now you do! It’s called Obama’s Magic Money Machine™. And you can have one of your very own for just three easy payments of $19.95 per month. In fact, forget that. Obama’s Magic Money Machine will pay youuuuuuu.

But wait, there’s more! Call now and in addition to Obama’s Magic Money Machine™, we’ll give you a ShamWow and a Snuggie absolutely freeeeeee! But you must call now, because this special offer is only good for the first 300,000,000 callers. Not an American citizen? That’s no problem, either. Just swim across the river and give us a call because we hablamos español, senors y senoritas!

Obama’s Magic Money Machine™. Personally endorsed by Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd. Call now 1-800-IHATETHEMEDIA.COM.

*Obama’s Magic Money Machine™ is a registered trademark of IHateTheMedia.com.

NOTE: This is a freakin’ parody. Do not call that phone number. For all we know, it belongs to some porn operation in Bangkok.

Quite frankly, Barney Frank is a lying sack of @*$&!

barney frank madBarney Frank is a lying sack of excrement. Oh, we beg your pardon. Did we say that? It just slipped out by accident.

Here’s a Bloomberg News story from March 5, 2009:

“U.S. House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank said he wants to see people prosecuted for wrongdoing related to the financial crisis as lawmakers overhaul regulation of Wall Street.”

“Frank will call on attorneys general, bank regulators and officials from the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to outline plans for prosecuting and recovering funds from those responsible for the crisis, he said today at a news conference in Washington.”

“’What are your plans to prosecute those people whose irresponsible and, in some cases, criminal actions helped bring about this crisis?’ said Frank, a Massachusetts Democrat.”

He’s a hero, that Barney Frank. A man of honesty, courage, and conviction. A man who did everything possible to keep our financial system safe. Except when he’s the afore-mentioned lying sack of excrement as proven by this quote from a September, 2003 House Financial Services Committee hearing:

“I worry, frankly, that there’s a tension here. The more people, in my judgment, exaggerate a threat of safety and soundness, the more people conjure up the possibility of serious financial losses to the Treasury, which I do not see. I think we see entities that are fundamentally sound financially and withstand some of the disaster scenarios…I believe there has been more alarm raised about potential unsafety and unsoundness than, in fact, exists.”

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Bill Clinton couldn’t tell the truth. And Barney Frank can’t tell the difference.

Source: Bloomberg, Ace of Spades

Liberal CBS News anchor Katie Couric wins award named for liberal CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite.

Katie Couric may never win the ratings, but who cares? She just took home a coveted Cronkite Award (which we assume is called a “Wally” by TV insiders).

Couric’s Wally was presented for “her revealing, multi-part interview of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.”

The Wallies are awarded twice each year by the USC Annenberg School for Communication. They are named in honor of Walter Cronkite, once known as “the most trusted man in America.”

Couric won her award in the category “Special Achievement for National Impact on the 2008 Campaign.” Judges said the interview was a “defining moment in the 2008 presidential campaign.” But they didn’t stop here. No siree, Bob. They also called it “extraordinary, persistent and detailed.”

Other winners included ABC’s George Stephanopolous, who eked out a narrow win in the category “Best Achievement in Hair” and CBS’ Bob Schieffer, who took home a Wally in the category “Most Likely to Keel Over Dead In the Middle of a Story.”

All in all, it was an exciting evening for one and all.

Source: Huffington Post, Reliable Sources

Air America adds trash talk TV host Montel Williams

montel_williamsFormer trash TV host and current presidential coin conman Montel Williams is joining Air America. He has the perfect resume for floundering libtalk network – no radio experience.

“Montel Across America” debuts in April. Here’s how Air America describes this momentous occasion in a press release:

“Meet Air America’s newest addition, Emmy award-winning host Montel Williams! His new Air America program is called ‘Montel Across America,’ and it debuts April 6 airing weekdays from 9am-12pm EST on radio stations across the country.”

“On radio stations?” Most press releases include the number of radio stations. Like “Dennis Miller will debut in 73 markets.” Or “Rush Limbaugh is heard on 600 radio stations.” But Air America really doesn’t want to get into that sort of thing because they have so few affiliates.

So let’s just leave it at “…debuts April 6 from 9am-12pm EST on radio stations….”

“Next up on Air America, Rikki Lake asks teenage girls, ‘Who’s your baby daddy?”

Source: Radio Equalizer

Just for fun
City council meeting disrupted by Arkansas barking spiders

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrBaV5MvX_4Let’s be honest about this. This video has absolutely nothing to do with the media. Fact is, we’re running it simply because it’s funny.

Sure, we could probably come up with some lame rationale that would somehow tie it to the media. But we’re not even going to try.

Oh, wait a sec. It’s a city council meeting. So it probably ran on local community access television.

Voila. It’s media-related and we now feel fully justify in running it here at IHateTheMedia.com.

Another Obama nominee bites the dust, Queen tune nominated as administration theme song

Another week, another Obama nominee bites the dust. But at least this one had paid his taxes.

President Obama’s controversial choice to be Chairman of the National Intelligence Council has withdrawn his name from consideration for the post.

Charles W. Freeman blamed the “Israel lobby” for his problems. Others said the withdrawal had more to do with questions about Freeman’s financial ties to China and Saudi Arabia.

Financial ties to China and Saudi Arabia? Who does this guy think he is, Bill Clinton?

Speaking of Bill Clinton, remember how the Clinton campaign was so successful using Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow” as its theme song?

We think it’s time for you to choose a theme song for your administration, Mr. President. May we suggest the little ditty performed by Queen in the attached video. Certainly seems appropriate.

Don’t thank us, Mr. President. We’re here for you.

Source: The Politico

“Intelligence” Update
Biden explains moderate Taliban

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PcXTUH9Kb0Whew, what a relief! A whopping 95% of the Taliban we are fighting in Afghanistan are not “incorrigible.” In an update to our story Tuesday, Obama may reach out to “moderate” Taliban, we have a clip of Joe Biden clarifiying what Obama meant by “moderate Taliban.” We think his boss is, once again, not thanking ol’ Joe for his help.

Terrorist informant links Ayers and wife to murder of policeman

Terrorist Bill Ayers standing on the American flag
Terrorist Bill Ayers standing on the American flag

More bad news for unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers and his equally-unrepentant wife Bernadette Dorhn.

Larry Grathwohl was an FBI informant who infiltrated Ayer’s Weather Underground terrorist group in the 1970s. He’s holding a press conference in San Francisco today to talk about things Ayers and Dohrn would rather keep buried in the past.

Here’s part of Grathwohl’s pre-released opening statement:

“The San Francisco Police Department Park Station bombing occurred on February 16, 1970, when a pipe bomb filled with shrapnel detonated on the ledge of a window at the San Francisco Police Department’s Golden Gate Park station. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, “Investigators in the early ’70s said the bombing likely was the work of the Weather Underground, and not the Black Liberation Army,” but the crime was never solved. Brian V. McDonnell, a police sergeant, was fatally wounded in its blast; Robert Fogarty, another police officer, was severely wounded in his face and legs and was partially blinded.”

“No one was ever charged with the crime although six years the FBI was close to indicting Ayers wife and fellow terrorist Bernardine Dohrn around six years ago.”

“I was in the Weather Underground as an informant/infiltrator for the FBI. I have testified, spoken, and written about the involvement of Weather Underground terrorist leaders Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn in that bombing…There is no statute of limitations on murder.”

Attorney General Eric Holder is probably working on those pardon papers already.

Source: YidwithLid.com

Chuck Norris calls for rebellion, wants to be “President of Texas”

chuck norris flagBadass good guy Chuck Norris claims Texas has never formally been part of the United States and that the Lone Star State may lead a rebellion by seceding from the union. And if that happens, he’d like to be president of the new Lone Star Republic.

“That need may be a reality sooner than we think,” he said in a column at WorldNetDaily. “If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.”

“…we’ve bastardized the First Amendment,” he continued, “reinterpreted America’s religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life.”

We might move to Texas just to see President Norris kick Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s bony little ass. Toss ‘em both into an ultimate fighting cage. Only one man comes out alive. Put it all on pay TV. Bingo. The budget is balanced and peace is restored.

Thank you, President Norris.

Source: Examiner.com; WorldnetDaily

Michelle Obama, Beyonce and Wonder Woman. All wrapped up in one convenient story

<b>Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Wonder Woman. Separated at birth?</b>
Beyonce, Michelle Obama, Wonder Woman. Separated at birth?

This started off as two completely different stories, but a third story popped up during our research that magically tied all three stories together into one mega-blockbuster piece of investigative reportage.

Story Number One: Beyonce claims that Michelle Obama approached her during an inauguration celebration just to say that the singer was a role model for her little girls.

Story Number Two: A story in the Huffington Post compares Michelle Obama to Wonder Woman.

Neither of those stories seemed strong enough to merit our attention. Goofy enough, to be sure, but not strong. But then, we ran into Story Number Three. It was kismet, fate, truth stranger than fiction.

Story Number Three: The LA Times reported on November 7, 2008 (just two days after the presidential election) that Beyonce desperately wanted to land the role of Wonder Woman in an upcoming film.

Do you see where this is going? Michelle Obama calls Beyonce a role model. Michelle Obama is like Wonder Woman. Beyonce wants to be Wonder Woman. This inextricable linkage cannot be mere coincidence. We contend that they are one and the same woman.

Just look at the evidence: All three dominate weak men. All three specialize in sleeveless costumes. And all three are black.

What’s that? You thought Wonder Woman was white? Au contraire, mon frere. Check out the junk in that trunk.

Source: The Sun, Huffington Post, Los Angeles Times

Comedian Bernie Mac accused of stealing $50 billion

Telling the difference between Bernie Mac and Bernie Madoff seems pretty simple to us.

One lost his life, the other lost $50 billion. One never stole more than a punch line, but the other stole a fortune from widows and orphans. One was black, the other is white.

Nevertheless, an MSBNC anchor had a bit of trouble telling one from the other while reporting that prosecutors will be seeking $170 Billion from Madoff. The older, whiter, more crooked of the two is expected to plead guilty to 11 criminal counts and could spend up to 150 years in the slammer. If he serves his full term, he will be 220 years old upon release.

We miss you, Bernie. And we mean Mac, not Madoff.

That thud you just heard was Warren Buffett throwing Obama under the bus

Warren Buffet has hopped off the Hope’n’change Express and thrown its driver under the wheels.

The tycoon, who lent Obama his economic credibility, told CNBC that he’s having second thoughts about his choice for president. Maybe even third ones.

A sizeable portion of Buffet’s wealth has evaporated since Election Day. So the world’s second-richest man had a few choice words about Obama’s handling of the economy and the administration’s cynical new mantra about a crisis being a terrible thing to waste. Naturally, the CNBC interview was promptly ignored by the rest of the dinosaur media.

Before launching into his criticism, Buffet made sure to offer a qualifying disclaimer. “I strongly support him,” Buffet said, “and I think he’s the right guy.” For some reason, Buffet couldn’t explain exactly why he still supports Obama. But never mind.

Then came Warren’s big BUT:

“…Job one is to win the war, the economic war. Job two is to win the economic war. And job three. And you can’t expect people to unite behind you if you’re trying to jam a whole bunch of things down their throat. So I would, I would absolutely say for the, for the interim, till we get this one solved, I would not be pushing a lot of things that are, you know, are contentious. And I also, I also would do no finger-pointing whatsoever.”

Note: the above quote begins at minute 15:45 in video.

We think he said “finger pointing” but it might have been “finger painting.” Because we’d all be a lot better off if Obama did more of the latter and less of the former.

Deepak Chopra calls Limbaugh “an icon of anti-morality”

deepak chopra spaceThe bad news is that newspapers are dying and comic strips are fading into history. The good news is that the Huffington Post is guaranteed to make you laugh every day.

For example, here’s how New Age guru Deepak Chopra opened his article about Rush Limbaugh yesterday.

“When Michael Steele, the hapless chairman of the Republican Party, lost his bearings and called Rush Limbaugh’s style ugly and incendiary, everyone knew it was the truth,” the subcontinental sahib said. “But it was a perfect example of an inconvenient truth. The right wing has long used ugly, incendiary speech the way baseball players use steroids: to artificially pump themselves up. Limbaugh has taken to saying that he wants Obama’s policies to fail because they spell the end of an America based on personal freedom. This isn’t just a grotesque exaggeration; it disguises the very thing the right wing has been doing when it curtailed civil liberties in the name of national security.”

Calm down. Take a deep breath. The left wing loonies always say things like this. Problem is, they can’t come up with a single example of “curtailed civil liberties” that supposedly occurred during the Bush years.

Now, let’s move on to Chopra. As your grandmother always used to say, just consider the source. This guy’s made a fortune by writing fifty books about New Age nonsense.

Hey, maybe that could be the name of his next book.

“New Age Nonsense from best-selling author Deepak Chopra. Coming soon to a Barnes & Noble near you. Don’t miss this insightful exploration of mind, body, and how to pick a reader’s pocket for $21.95.”

Hey, Deepak! Don’t forget to mention us in the forward.

Source: Huffington Post

They’re homeless, but not phoneless

It would appear that homeless people in the nation’s capitol have come a long way thanks to the largesse of the Pelosi-Obama “stimulus” package.

First Lady Michelle Obama recently took time out from her magazine photo shoots for the covers of “O” and Vogue to pose as a food server at a homeless shelter not far from the White House. She even posed for one of homeless poseurs.

photo: MichelleMalkin.com
photo: MichelleMalkin.com

Obama said she hoped her selfless public service would inspire other Americans to volunteer in their own communities.

Hell, we just want to know where we can sign up for Obama’s \Free Government Cell Phone With Every Meal Program.

LA Times blogger Andrew Malcolm has the temerity to wonder how an alleged homeless man can afford a cellphone. Not to mention asking where the bills get sent.

Charlie Rangel would tell Andrew Malcom to mind his g*dd*mn business.

Update: We asked where to get a free cell phone. Found it: Free government cell phones for the poor from Safelink Wireless.

Source: LA Times, Telegraph.co.uk

Al-Jazeera’s coverage of dictators is more honest than AP’s

This story provides a perfect demonstration of the corruption of the American media.

What else can it be called when Al-Jazeera’s coverage of tinhorn dictators is more honest than the coverage provided by Associated Press.

Just look at the difference in how the two services each covered the recent…uh…election in North Korea:

The AlJazeera.net story:
Kim ‘re-elected’ in N Korea vote

Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader, has been re-elected to the country’s parliament in elections that have been closely watched for hints as to his possible successor.

In an unsurprising result Kim was re-elected by voters in Constituency 333 with 100 per cent support, the official KCNA news agency said on Monday.

The report said voters renewed their “unshakable determination to devotedly safeguard” the North Korean leader.

The Associated Press story:
North Korean leader Kim re-elected to parliament

Kim Jong Il was unanimously re-elected to North Korea’s rubber-stamp parliament, state media said Monday, in elections closely watched for signs of a political shift or hints the autocratic leader is grooming a successor.

All eligible voters in Constituency No. 333 cast ballots for Kim, renewing their “unshakable determination to devotedly safeguard” the leader, the official Korean Central News Agency said in first results from Sunday’s poll.

Contrast the two headlines: Al-Jazeera put quotation marks around the word “re-elected” in recognition of the fraudulent nature of the “election.” AP, on the other hand, may as well have been reporting that the British Prime minister had been re-elected.

Contrast the second paragraphs: Al-Jazeera refers to Kim’s unanimous election as “unsurprising” (in parens), another acknowledgement of the fraudulent nature of the “election.” AP simply reports that all eligible voters cast ballots for Kim as if that’s a common occurrence in elections.

Shame on Associated Press. They are so consumed by political correctness that they seem incapable of simply saying, “Kim Jong Il is a petty dictator and this election was a fraud.”

The only thing missing from their story was this line:

“Former President Jimmy Carter traveled to Pyongyang to observe the election and certified that it met the highest international standards for honesty and transparency.”

Swedish scientists prove Obama should not be compared to a chimp

"I knew Santino the chimp. Santino the chimp was a friend of mine. Mr. President, you're no Santino the chimp."
"I knew Santino the chimp. Santino the chimp was a friend of mine. Mr. President, you're no Santino the chimp."

Last month, the New York Post and one of its cartoonists caught holy hell. All because Al Sharpton and his racemongering posse decided the paper’s infamous “chimpanzee” cartoon intentionally compared Obama to a chimp.

Now Swedish animal behaviorists have conducted a study that proves our President is absolutely nothing like a chimpanzee.

According to a report in Current Biology, Santino, a 31-year-old alpha male chimpanzee in a Swedish zoo starts each day by collecting rocks inside his enclosure. Around midday he begins hurling those rocks from his weapons cache at human visitors who have gathered outside his enclosure.

We have analyzed this study in great depth and determined that Al Sharpton is correct. It is offensive to compare the President to a chimp for the following reasons:

Unlike President Obama, the chimp developed a clear plan and followed it.

Unlike President Obama, the chimp knows he must save his assets and not throw them away all at once.

Unlike President Obama, the chimp believes in stockpiling weapons to use against his enemies.

Unlike President Obama, the chimp is dedicated to defending his homeland.

Unlike President Obama, the chimp didn’t announce that he wanted to negotiate with any of the “moderate” humans who hold him captive.

Unlike President Obama, the chimp hasn’t announced that he will stop throwing rocks in 19 months.

And finally, unlike President Obama, the chimp didn’t demand that the rich gorillas in the next cage share their rocks with him.

We don’t like to brag on ourselves at IHateTheMedia.com, but it’s rare to find one website that is able to analyze science and political science in such a deep, meaningful way and explain it so clearly to the masses.

SOURCE: Associated Press

Big Sky Democrat says Obama’s statistics are blue sky

max baucusBuried deep in the Associated Press’ excellent analysis of the president’s economic “stimulus” program was this little gem that most of the media has chosen to ignore.

Senator Max Baucus, a Montana Democrat, challenged Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner last week.

“You created a situation where you cannot be wrong,” the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee said.

“If the economy loses 2 million jobs over the next few years, you can say yes, but it would’ve lost 5.5 million jobs,” Baucus contined. “If we create a million jobs, you can say, well, it would have lost 2.5 million jobs. You’ve given yourself complete leverage where you cannot be wrong, because you can take any scenario and make yourself look correct.”

The natives are restless. The Indians are jumping the reservation. There’s trouble in River City. And AP analyzed it correctly for once.

Source: AP

Hey, Charlie Rangel, pay your g*d d*mn*d taxes?

The party that brought you Reverend G*d d*mn America is back with another installment of righteously profane indignation. This time it’s in the service of the most ethical and transparent congress in history.

This is a story we’d like to see on the TV news, but we’re not holding our breath. In the meantime, we’re thankful for HotAir.

Tax cheat Charlie Rangel (D-NY) has been comfortably ensconced in the House since 1971 and currently chairs the Ways and Means Committee that writes our convoluted tax laws. He was asked by HotAir TV about his taxpayer-sponsored Cadillac and a few other ethical and financial lapses.

Thinking he was dealing with a friendly tourist, Rangel turns on the charm with a big, toothy smile and a warm “Welcome to the nation’s capitol!”

Watch how his excrement-masticating grin freezes after he’s confronted about his shady rental property deals, publicly-subsidized Cadillac, and unpaid taxes. Then he says:

“Why don’t you mind your G*d d*mn*d business?”

It’s official. Government of the people is now government vs. the people.

Obama may reach out to “moderate” Taliban

talibanHere’s the formula: Conservative gives an interview and the media picks every answer to pieces. Liberal gives an interview and even the most ludicrous statement goes unquestioned.

Take, for example, last weekend’s interview with President Obama in the New York Times. Here’s how Reuter’s adoringly reported it:

“U.S. President Barack Obama is open to the idea of reaching out to moderate elements of the Taliban.”

“Obama said that some of the U.S. success in Iraq involved reaching out to Islamic fundamentalists who had been alienated by the tactics of al Qaeda in Iraq.”

We’re still trying to figure out what a moderate Taliban is and wonder why neither the Times nor Reuters asked the question.

Are the moderates the ones in the General Department for the Preservation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (Amr-bil Maroof Wa Nahi Anil Munkar) who search houses and destroy television sets, radios, cassettes, and photographs?

Or the ones who roam the streets beating those they deem to be violators of Sharia law? The ones behind gender apartheid who force women to wear burqas and ban girls from attending school? The ones who control the opium trade? The ones who perform mass executions in Kabul’s soccer stadium? The ones who destroyed ancient Buddhist statues because they were “blasphemous?”

Moderate Taliban. That’s what’s known as an oxymoron. Like “jumbo shrimp” and “Senate Intelligence Committee.”

Sources: NY Times; Reuters

UPDATE: Joe Biden explains moderate Taliban (video)

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