CNN’s Castellanos says “Listening to Obama is like sex.” If only it were over as quickly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnDibuQM-g0A few weeks ago, we wrote about Nancy Pelosi and her lust for Obama’s “stimulus” package. But now CNN has given life to something we thought was parody.

On Sunday’s “State of the Union” show, Republican strategist, CNN contributor and nutcase Alex Castellanos said, “…A friend told me once that listening to Barack Obama give a speech is like sex. The worst there ever was, was excellent.”

We’ve always been ambivalent about sex education, but this statement leads us to conclude that America’s children are woefully ignorant when it comes to the reproductive sciences.

If only Obama’a speeches were over in two minutes like sex. Uhhh…like other people’s sex, we mean. Not ours. We are the studs of the universe and women swoon at our feet. Really.

if video is pulled, go directly to CNN here to view.

Barney Frank. Two impediments for the price of one.

On Thursday’s Hardball show, Chris Matthews asked one of his typical long, poorly-worded questions and Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank responded with one of his typical long, poorly thought-out answers.

“What do you make of this big shift,” Matthews circumnavigated, “away from Bushism, if you will? Away from tax cuts, from people who make certain amount of money and to begin a health fund, you know, national health care?”

“I think it’s what people voted fo-wah,” Frank said rhotically. “There was no secwet that this was going to happen. John McCain kept pwedicting that if Obama won, this would happen, and I think Obama felt an obwigation to make an honest man out of John McCain, to keep him honest. One, John’s always been pwetty honest. Of course, the pwivate sectow is the engine to cweate wealth. But we also know, as Fwanklin Woosevelt knew and as othews have known, that the pwivate sectow works best when it’s got a set of wules and a coopewative set of awwangements with the public sectow.”

Barney Frank, the congressman who gives you get two for the price of one — a speech impediment and an economic impediment.

Obama’s version of the War on Terror aimed at productive, loyal Americans

We really like CNBC economist Larry Kudlow because he calls ‘em as he sees ‘em and, not so coincidentally, as we see ‘em.

“Let me be very clear on the economics of President Obama’s State of the Union speech and his budget,” he said in a recent article. “He is declaring war on investors, entrepreneurs, small businesses, large corporations, and private-equity and venture-capital funds.”

“That is the meaning of his anti-growth tax-hike proposals, which make absolutely no sense at all — either for this recession or from the standpoint of expanding our economy’s long-run potential to grow.”

Read the rest of Kudlow’s hard-hitting opinion piece.

While you’re reading it, please pretend we wrote it, because it’s really good and we wish we had.

Fox reports “11 ways to make your sex life greener”

Photo: Elven Nicole
Photo: Elven Nicole

We don’t make this stuff up, we just report it. Nobody could make this stuff up.

Fox News just issued a story titled “Eleven Ways to Make Your Sex Life Greener.” This surprised us, because we didn’t know that sex was bad for the environment.

“As we become more compelled to sustain the future, all that is erotic is becoming green,” Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright says in the report. “From seduction to sex, individuals are becoming more planet-friendly as well as body-friendly.

<b>Sexpert Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright</b>
Sexpert Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

The story goes on to provide tips on green dating, vegetarian porn, green weddings, bamboo sheets, sustainable wooden paddles, and phthalate-free vibrators. (Dammit, man, we don’t even know what a phthalate is, but it sounds kind of kinky.)

As a public service, IHateTheMedia.com generously submits the following tip that Dr. Fulbright overlooked:

“Keep the lights off when you’re having sex with someone ugly. It will conserve energy and your self-esteem.”

You’re welcome. Who needs The Playboy Advisor when you have IHateTheMedia.com.

Source: Fox News

NY Times flushes away its credibility, says to use crappy toilet paper

new-york-times-toilet-paperEvery day, 365 days a year, the New York Times cranks out more than one million copies of shoddy reportage also known as a newspaper. Entire forest have given their lives so that the New York Times might live lie.

But that doesn’t keep them from chastising Americans for flushing toilet paper down the drain.

In an article called “What Mr. Whipple Didn’t Say: Softer Paper Is Costly to Forests,” the Times reveals that Americans like their bathroom tissue thick, silky and soft as a baby’s bottom (so to speak).

In their view, this makes you a bad person because millions of trees get wiped out just so you can wipe up. If you were simply willing to do your duty with, say, a dried-out old corn cob or a recycled Audi, those trees could grow up, get married, go to law school and live long, happy productive lives.

Don’t take this sitting down. Begin recycling the New York Times by using it as toilet paper.

You might even say that if you get behind the New York Times, the New York Times will get behind you. If you know what we mean.

Source: New York Times

Child porn problems continue to dog singer R Kelly

r_kellyNow R Kelly’s been accused of stiffing the private detective he hired to recover incriminating evidence that could have could have been used to convict the R&B singer during his infamous 2008 child porn case.

Private eye Charles Freeman is asking $300,000 for services rendered during that trial. Kelly was eventually found not guilty of 14 charges including having sex with a minor and taping himself having sex with a girl barely in her teens.

Freeman says he was hired to “obtain and/or recover certain tapes that were said to incriminate” the singer.

In a surprising turn of legal events, Kelly was found innocent despite the fact that the jury viewed a tape that many observers said clearly showed Kelly and the girl engaged in sexual intercourse.

Kelly’s defense was the classic “Who you gonna believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?”

Source: TMZ

Nutty Rosie O’Donnell plays a therapist on TV. Is this a comedy or science fiction?

Photo: David Skankbone
Photo: David Skankstone on Wikipedia

This is what can only be called a case of art imitating stupidity.

Hollywood wingnut Rosie O’Donnell is the executive producer, co-writer, and star of “America,” a LifeTime Original movie that follows the life of a troubled seventeen year old who has grown up in foster care.

We’re sure it’s a touching story. A real tear jerker. Something we’ll watch, remember and someday tell our grandchildren about. Or not.

What could be funnier than the thought of anger management control victim Rosie O’Donnell playing someone who gives psychological advice?

What’s that? “America” premiered last week? We missed it? Probably while we were watching that “Dog the Bounty Hunter” marathon.

13-year old author speaks at CPAC, makes millions ashamed of their lives

Jonathan Krone, 13-year old author of “Define Conservatism” delivered an address at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, DC this weekend.

To repeat, the kid’s thirteen years old. He’s already written a book. And he’s a hell of a good speaker, too.

We did an informal survey of the editorial staff here at IHateTheMedia.com, asking the question “What were you doing when you were thirteen?” The results are as follows:

33% were collecting baseball cards and comic books.

33% were worried about pimples.

33% were inappropriately touching themselves.

Damn you, Jonathan Krone, damn you. If we didn’t admire you so much, we’d hate you.

An IHTM Editorial:
Debunked: Porn in the USA, Conservatives are biggest consumers

porn-pixelated-left


Hating the media is our reason for living. And we think intentionally misleading news stories are almost as pornographic as pornography. Like the one ABC News ran the other night.

At IHateTheMedia.com, we admit right up front that what we do is commentary. On a good day, mildly amusing commentary. We would never call ourselves a news organization, and after this so-called news report, maybe ABC News shouldn’t either. “Porn in the USA: Conservatives Are Biggest Consumers,” ABC’s report, said “Those states that do consume the most porn tend to be more conservative and religious.”

The background

According to a study (view PDF) conducted by Benjamin Edelman of the Harvard Business School, there’s very little difference between porn consumption in red states and blue states. In fact, Edelman concludes that “When it comes to adult entertainment, it seems people are more the same than different…The differences here are not so stark.”

Unfortunately, ABC started its report by stating a starkly contrary conclusion, then went off on a circuitous safari in search of data to support it. In reality, there’s absolutely nothing in the study to support ABC’s flimsy conclusion that conservatives consume more porn than liberals, because there’s nothing in the study that asked the respondents if they were conservative or liberal. Nothing.

But above and beyond ABC’s outrageous claims, we believe the study itself has serious problems. Continue reading “An IHTM Editorial:
Debunked: Porn in the USA, Conservatives are biggest consumers”

Which Senators voted in favor of censorship…uh…we mean the Fairness Doctrine?

dem_donkeyBy now you’ve probably heard that the Senate approved an amendment a few days ago to outlaw the “Fairness Doctrine.” Republican Senator Jim DeMint’s amendment passed by a comfortable margin of 87-to-11.

Although one would think it’s important to know which senators cast their votes in favor of censorship, we can’t find a single news report that calls out their names. So we’ll do it:

Bingaman (D-NM), Conrad (D-ND), Dorgan (D-ND), Feinstein (D-CA), Harkin (D-IA), Johnson (D-SD), Kerry (D-MA), Reed (D-RI), Rockefeller (D-WV), Sanders (I-VT), and Whitehouse (D-RI).

In addition, Kennedy (D-MA) did not vote, but does anyone doubt that he would have joined them Infamous Eleven had his health been up to it?

Please note that there’s a “D” attached to ten of the eleven of the names. “D” as in Democrat. “D” as in unDemocratic.

Jodie Foster busted for hybrid hypocrisy

prius_race_car

Jodie Foster was pulled over in Beverly Hills last week for speeding. Police said the movie star’s politically-correct Prius was clocked doing 54 in a 35 mile per hour zone.

To make it even better, the whole thing was caught on tape by a crew of “Speeders,” a truTV reality show.

According to the New York Post, “Foster refused to sign a waiver to appear on the show, so the camera crew ceased filming and returned to the police car. But she grew quite agitated and angry, and kept insisting to the police officers that the radar gun must have made a mistake. She maintained to the officers that she was only going 30 mph at the time they pulled her over, and she kept interrupting and complaining that the process was taking too long…Despite her numerous requests otherwise, the cops still issued her a citation.”

In a similar story, Al Gore’s son was arrested in July, 2007 for doing 100 mph in his Prius on the San Diego Freeway.

We have the same reaction to both stories: Who’d have believed a Prius could actually exceed the speed limit?

SOURCE: NY Post Page Six

Crazy story of the day: Iran won’t believe Obama until Hollywood apologizes

iran_hates_300

We’re not sure which is funnier: the fact that Hollywood sent a delegation to Iran or the fact that Iran immediately demanded an apology from that delegation.

“(Iranian) cinema officials will only have the right to have official sessions with…Hollywood movie makers, when they apologize to the Iranians for their 30 years of insults and slanders,” said Javad Shamaghdari, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s offical art advisor.

“We will believe Obama’s policy of change when we see change in Hollywood, too,” Shamaghdari continued, “and if Hollywood wants to correct its behavior towards Iranian people and Islamic culture then they have to officially apologize.”

The testy Iranians are upset because the movie “300” portrayed their ancient Persian ancestors as bloodthirsty and because Mickey Rourke’s character tore apart an Iranian flag in “The Wrestler.”

We say, “Get in line, Iran.” No apology for you until we get an apology for Sean Penn’s entire career.

Source: Breitbart

Clint Eastwood walks into a bar with Al Sharpton and a rabbi…

clint_eastwoodClint Eastwood thinks political correctness has ruined society’s sense of humor. And he was just warming up. He also accused younger generations of wasting their time trying to avoid being offensive.

He told the Daily Express that he should be able to tell harmless racial or ethnic jokes without being branded “a racist.”

“People have lost their sense of humor,” Eastwood said. “In former times we constantly made jokes about different races. You can only tell them today with one hand over your mouth or you will be insulted as a racist.”

“I find that ridiculous,” he continued. “In those earlier days every friendly clique had a ‘Sam the Jew’ or ‘Jose the Mexican,’ but we didn’t think anything of it or have a racist thought. It was just normal that we made jokes based on our nationality or ethnicity. That was never a problem. I don’t want to be politically correct.

OK, have you heard this one? Tom Cruise walks into a bar with a Mexican, and a priest…

Phone’s ringing. We’ll finish that joke later.

Source: Yahoo

Chris Matthews doesn’t want the Democrat Party to be called the Democrat Party

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR7MphuhEwcChris Matthews is a very sensitive man. He cares about the feelings of others. Especially when the others are Democrats.

In the middle of Thursday night’s Hardball program, Matthews interrupted California Congressman Darrell Issa’s comments on the administration’s massive budget deficit to complain that Issa had referred to the opposition as “the Democrat Party.”

“I think the Democratic Party calls itself the Democratic Party, not the Democrat Party,” Matthews raged. “Do we have to do this every night? Why do people talk like this? Is this just fighting words? They call themselves the Democratic Party. Let’s just call people what they call themselves and stop the Mickey Mouse here. Save that for the stump.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEVmAbxC14gBased on that faulty logic, if Matthews were discussing rap music, he would refer to African-Americans as “niggas” like so many rap artists do. That would be, as Matthews requested, just calling people what they call themselves.

Matthews might want to re-think this concept.

WARNING: The Richard Pryor video contains obscenities. But what the hell, it’s Richard Pryor. What do you expect?

Fox News producer busted for child porn, in porn himself

bruns-sutraWhat the hell? You all remember the story Fox News Producer Aaron Bruns arrested on child porn charges, right. We don’t know how we missed it this week, but on Monday the Kenneth in the (212) blog uncovered (NSFW)–so to speak–that Aaron Bruns had a starring role in the soft-porn instructional book entitled The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated.

We’re not going to show the NSFW photos here. But, we did clean up one photo that shows you an interesting Kama Sutra move with a stick. We know it’s Saturday, but being the curious guys and gals we are, we called in the IHTM staff this morning to try that one out, but only ended up hurt ourselves. Guess our moms were right about poking our eyes out. I suppose we’ll need to buy the book for instructions.

bruns_censoredFor those of you pervs out there that really want to see the most revealing photos you can follow one of the links at Kenneth in the (212)’s blog. We’re not putting that link or those photos here. But guys, be forewarned, these are, uh, more the type of photos that a female would prefer to see, if you know what we mean.

And one final note. Those of you gloating liberals we have heard from who laughed that Aaron Bruns was a Fox News employee should take note that it is reported that he is a liberal. Not that we care, a child porn guy is a child porn guy. But some people seem too care.

Senator Dick Durbin takes it in the back door

dick_durbinSenator Jim DeMint’s amendment to kill the Fairness Doctrine was pretty straightforward.

But an aide to DeMint said Senator Dick Durbin’s amendment requiring “diversity” in radio ownership will “impose the Fairness Doctrine through the back door by trying to break up radio ownership.”

The Democrats can disguise it, rename it, and repackage it any way they want. But DeMint’s aide called it “an attempt to break up companies like Clear Channel and hurt their syndications and therefore putting many local radio stations out of business that depend on those syndicated shows for revenue.”

The measure passed by a vote of 57-to-41 without a single Republican vote.

Censorship is like the Rasputin. You can poison it, shoot it, stab it, and drown it, but it won’t die as long as Democrats are running the show.

McCain chooses Twitter to reveal Top 10 Porkiest Projects

McCain, a lifelong opponent of earmarks, released his list of the top ten porkiest projects in the Omnibus Spending bill the Congress is about to pass. Did he hold a press conference or release a statement to the press? No, instead, he went to the new media–but not Facebook or Youtube. He choose the new rising star in social media, Twitter. He merely made a tweet yesterday that began with “”Tmr I am gonna tweet the TOP TEN PORKIEST PROJECTS in the Omnibus Spending bill the Congress is about to pass”. And his 110,000 followers were instantly alerted, who in turn most likely passed it on to millions of their followers within minutes.

And today he released them. Here is John McCain’s Top 10 Porkiest Projects list:

#10. $1.7M “for a honey bee factory” in Weslaco, TX

#9. $475,000 to build a parking garage in Provo City, Utah

#8. $200,000 “tattoo removal violence outreach program to could help gang members or others shed visible signs of their past” REALLY?

#7. $300,000 for the Montana World Trade Center – enough said

#6. $1 million for mormon cricket control in Utah – is that the species of cricket or a game played by the brits?

#5. $650,000 for beaver management in North Carolina and Mississippi”

#4. $2.1 million for the Center for Grape Genetics in New York – quick peel me a grape.

#3. $332,000 for the design and construction of a school sidewalk in Franklin, Texas – not enough $ for schools in the stimulus?

#2. $2 million ‘for the promotion of astronomy’ in Hawaii – because nothing says new jobs for average Americans like investing in astronomy”

#1. $1.7 million for pig odor research in Iowa”

We’re sure the traditional media is aghast at not receiving a call first. Well, they all better sign up and start following the important people on Twitter. Like us at Twitter.com/ihatethemedia.

Source: John McCain’s Twitter page, of course

Taliban beheads “US spy”
as “gift to Obama”

"We'll leave the truly hideous nature of this photograph to your imagination."
We'll leave the truly hideous nature of this photograph to your imagination.

Why isn’t this story the headline on every newspaper? Why isn’t it leading off every newscast? Why is it not even considered newsworthy?

According to local Pakistani police, Taliban militants beheaded an Afghan citizen after accusing him of spying for the United States. The man was kidnapped a week ago and his body was discovered Thursday in North Waziristan.

“He was slaughtered overnight. His headless body was put on the roadside,” police official Munir Khan said.

A note found on the man’s body said “Whoever spies for the US will face the same fate. This is a gift to (US President Barack) Obama.”

“See how much the world loves us,” an Obama spokesman somewhere likely said. “They’re already giving us gifts.”

Source: AFP

Porn to be wild: Octuplet mom lands in middle of a bidding war

nadya suleman fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match.
Fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match.

Nadya Suleman, mother of the California octuplets born last month, has landed smack dab in the middle of a public relations feud between rival porn producers.

One adult film producer has offered Suleman $1 million plus free health insurance to star in one of his porn productions.

In response, another porn producer offered Suleman a year’s supply of diapers if she turns down the first offer. Kim Kysar, manager of the second company, said the company’s offer demonstrated its “social responsibility”.

“It simply isn’t in your best interest, and more importantly, in the best interest of your children, for you to become a porn star,” Kysar said in a letter. “As you know, there’s a great deal of stigma attached to being a porn star. It’s not something that a mother should take lightly, as this decision will most assuredly affect the lives of your children, and not in a positive way.”

“I have to go now,” Kysar then thought to himself. “I have some socially responsible naked women greased up in the next room and the socially responsible cameras are ready to roll.”

Source: Sydney Morning Herald

Why did the Washington Post censor today’s Doonesbury comic strip?

Many times over the years, newspapers have chosen not to run Doonesbury comic strips for one reason or another. Creator Garry Trudeau often focuses on topics that editors and readers find offensive.

Today, the Washington Post was so offended that it refused to run the strip. What was the topic they found so offensive? Was it sex? Drugs? Crude language? No, the topic was the recent layoffs at the Washington Post. Instead, they ran a “Doonesbury Flashback” strip–a rerun.

So much for the WaPo, that vaunted bastion of free speech and truth.

The real question, though, should be, why does any newspaper still run Doonesbury? It hasn’t been funny in at least 35 years. It’s the Janeane Garafalo of comic strips.

Here, thanks to MediaBistro, is today’s censored strip.

 

Toxic Janeane Garafalo compares Limbaugh to Manson & Hitler

janeane_garofalo_200x300Unfunny comedienne Janeane Garafalo showed up on Keith Olbermann’s show last night. She was as unfunny as ever, but Keith laughed Olber-maniacally anyway.

“The type of female that does like Rush is the same type of woman that falls in love with prisoners,” she said. After mentioning Richard Ramirez and Charles Manson, she continued by saying, “Eva Braun, Hitler’s girlfriend, that’s exactly the type of woman that responds really well to Rush.”

“(Former CNN anchor Daryn Kagan) dated him,” the ever-so-charming Garafalo whined, “so either she suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, a lot like Michael Steele, who’s the black guy in the Republican party who suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, which means you try and curry favor with the oppressor…any female or person of color in the Republican party is struggling with Stockholm Syndrome.”

Janeane Garafalo, equal opportunity hater.

Update: The Red Eye Crew has a good time ridiculing Garafalo (and Keith Olbermann) on this and related comments. It’s funnier than hell and worth watching. Includes video of Garafalo and Olbermann with their quotes.

CNN proclaims Michelle Obama cool, cooler, coolest first lady ever. Cool.

 

We’re not quite sure why CNN’s Showbiz Tonight has an “Obama Watch.” We must have missed the news report that said the Obamas are now part of show biz.

The video in this article is from last night’s Showbiz Tonight. Let us sum it up for you:

“Michelle Obama. Cool. Cooler. Coolest. So cool. Really cool. Super cool. Mega-cool. Coooooooool.”

The video is 4:53 long. We pulled these quotes out of the first two minutes. Then we had to stop watching. Just had to. Couldn’t take it anymore.

“She definitely gets cool points from me.”
“People want to emulate her.”
“People love the way she loves her husband.”
“This is really a breath of fresh air.”
“She’s absolutely relatable and people really like that about her.”
“She seems like a real person and I think people really appreciate that. I know I do.”
“Part of her cool factor is her style.”
“The first lady is setting style trends left and right.”
“Women everywhere want to dress like her.”

We doubt that you’re reading this last sentence. You probably stopped reading even quicker than we stopped watching.

Reporter fired for his inappropriately exposing his bright blue scrotum

<b>This is definitely not Attorney General Eric Holder.</b>
This is definitely not Attorney General Eric Holder.

A Baltimore television reporter has been fired for creating the infamous John Gibson “bright blue scrotum” video.

In the doctored video, comments Gibson made on Fox News about an escaped monkey were cut together with completely unrelated comments he made about U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder.

WBAL-TV, an NBC affiliate, admitted that one of its former employee had posted the video on YouTube without its knowledge. Other media outlets revealed that the WBAL reporter responsible for the doctored video had been fired.

This seems unfair to us. What color is the attorney general’s scrotum? Do we know for sure it’s not bright blue? This is the man who has sworn to uphold the law of the land. Before the reporter is fired, shouldn’t Holder be required to produce the evidence?

Mysterious blonde stalking Limbaugh. Could it be Chris Matthews?

<b> Low resolution security camera photo of mysterious blonde stalker. Please notify authorities if you have any clues to this person's identity.</b>
Low resolution security camera photo of mysterious blonde stalker. Please notify authorities if you have any clues to this person's identity.

Ooh-la-la. According to police reports (view PDF), Rush Limbaugh is being stalked by a mysterious blonde named Melanie. She’s 30-40 years old, and drives a new, white sedan.

Wait. It’s a woman? Then it might not be Matthews after all.

According to 911 records, the mysterious blonde attempted to follow Rush’s car through the gates of his Palm Beach estate yesterday. She hightailed it before police arrived.

Rush was cool, calm and collected about the whole thing. “I’ll deal with it,” he said in an email to Jose Lambiet, a columnist and blogger for the Palm Beach Post. “Part of the territory.”

That’s all we know. Ten-four, over and out. (We don’t actually know what that means, but we’ve wanted to say it ever since we were kids and watched Broderick Crawford on that old “Highway Patrol” TV show.)

Source: Page2Live

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