Sports Illustrated used PhotoShop to remove “natural” beauty’s tattoos

FHM/Sports Illustrated
FHM/Sports Illustrated

For god’s sake, man, is there no morality left in the world? Now Sports Illustrated has admitted that its swimsuit issue actually included models who had been (gasp) enhanced with PhotoShop.

This is such shocking news, such a remarkable revelation, that we must pause to gather our senses about us.

OK, we’re back.

This is truly investigative reporting at its finest. Reporters demanded to know if it were true that tats had been removed from Indy driver Danica Patrick’s lower back. In a real Perry Mason moment, the SI spokesperson ‘fessed up and admitted that, yes, Patrick had been “cleaned up” with a little PhotoShop work. He called it “natural beauty.”

Why, next thing you know, some lunatic will try to tell us that these girls have had boob jobs.

But we’re not buying it. Because we know natural beauty when we see it.

Obama press secretary misses mood of country, disses Rick Santelli

The Obama administration has been hiring journalists left and right. But Rick Santelli probably shouldn’t bother sending over his resume.

At a White House press conference today, Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs was asked for the president’s reaction to Santelli’s outburst on the floor of the Chicago commodities exchange yesterday. Two things stood out about his answer.

First he said everyone at the White House got a good laugh out of it.

Then he concluded his longer remarks by saying, “I’m sure Mr. Santelli doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Every time Obama announces more of his “stimulus” program, the stock market plunges anew, announcing rather clearly that Wall Street thinks it’s Mr. Obama who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

UPDATE (4:15PM PST): Continue reading “Obama press secretary misses mood of country, disses Rick Santelli”

NASA exec tries to bore people into believing global warming

The same global warming proponents who used to bully people into submission are now attempting to bore them into submission.

James Hansen, the controversial NASA’s scientist and Al Gore toady, stars in a mind-numbingly dull new commercial promoting a March 2 protest at the Capitol Power Plant in Washington, DC. Continue reading “NASA exec tries to bore people into believing global warming”

Coalition of dictatorships says China is democratic wonderland

The U.N. Human Rights Council has just rejected allegations that China suppressed dissent, restricted free speech and repressed minorities in Tibet and Xinjiang.

In fact, China won praise from some of the world’s most oppressive regimes — including Sudan, Cuba, Iran, Burma, Egypt and Zimbabwe.

“There is no censorship in China,” a Chinese representative insisted. Then he added that Chinese citizens are free to worship and to follow whatever religion they choose.

Chinese envoy Li Baodong angrily stated that Western and Latin American nations that had raised allegations of abuse were merely politicizing human rights issues.

In related news, the U.N. Human Rights Council softball league announced that Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had been voted Most Valuable Player and that Libyan strongman Moammar Khadafi was named Comeback Player of the Year.

Judging panel tries to abort little girl’s abortion speech

Here’s another reason we hate the media.

This YouTube video has been viewed by nearly 265,000 people since February 3, 2009. Yet according to a Google News Search, the story’s been covered by just one newspaper.

Lia, a 12-year-old Toronto girl, has become an internet sensation since her mom posted this video. It shows Lia delivering a five-minute pro-life speech in a school competition.

Before the competition began, she was told she wouldn’t be allowed to compete unless she changed the topic of her speech. Despite hostility from the judges, her speech was so outstanding that she won the competition. Sadly, she was later disqualified because the subject of her speech was too “controversial.”

If you hate the media, you’ll love the speech. No matter what your position on abortion may be.

Al Sharpton is a moron. Oh, wait, that’s not news.

bush_chimpReverend Al Sharpton if offended, horrified, and absolutely disgusted that a New York Post political cartoon compared – in his mind – Barack Obama to a monkey. And that comparison is RACIST.

Seemed to us that we’d seen numerous cartoons and PhotoShopped images comparing former President Bush to monkeys. So we did a few Google Image searches.

“Bush” and “simian” generated 38,000 images. “Bush” and “baboon” got 46,300. “Bush” and “orangutan” got 48,800. “Bush” and “chimpanzee” got 132,000. “Bush” and “ape” got 170,000. “Bush” and “chimp” got 182,000. “Bush” and “gorilla” got 356,000. “Bush” and “monkey” got 1,220,000.

Hard as this may be to believe, we can’t recall the good Reverend ever coming to President Bush’s defense and declaring these images racist.

We were going to end this by calling Sharpton an ignorant baboon. But we didn’t want to insult the baboon.

Olberman retracts everything but his fangs

olbermann_mad_1MSNBC’s mad dog host Keith Olbermann has wiped the foam from his mouth long enough to issue a “correction” in regard to recent comments he incorrectly attributed to News Corp chairman Rupert Murdoch.

“Incidentally, a correction on Murdoch,” Olbermann said. “We have quoted several times the transcript of a News Corp conference call provided by the usually reliable financial website called SeakingAlpha.com, in which the News Corp boss was quoted as saying, ‘we have never been a company that tolerates facts.’ It turns out SeekingAlpha.com got it wrong. Murdoch, in fact, said ‘we have never been a company that tolerates fat.’ SeekingAlpha.com has yet to correct or apologize for its mistake, so we will. Henceforth, we will stick exclusively to the transcripts from ShiverMeTimbers.com.”

Olbermann had delivered the original incorrect quote while doing a juvenile pirate voice that represented Murdoch. Hence the “ShiverMeTimbers.com” reference.

He later told doctors the pirate was just one of the many voices he hears on a regular basis.

Has-been Hollywood halfwit brags “I’m so rich, everyone else is just dying”

sean_young_tmz_capture2There’s only one thing worse than a loudmouthed Hollywood star: a washed-up loudmouthed Hollywood star.

Of course, it would be unkind for us to mention any of these people by name. Sean Young. Oops. That was an accident. A complete accident. We didn’t mean to say Sean Young. Damn it. We did it again.

TMZ ran into the has-been Hollywood halfwit. When they asked how she was doing, she bragged that she hadn’t invested in the stock market and said, “I’m so rich now and everybody else is just like, just dying.”

Sean is the actress who starred in Blade Runner, Dune, Wall Street, and Fatal Instinct early in her career. Lately she’s been starring in clunkers like Parasomnia, Dating in L.A., and The Man Who Came Back.

We’re not sure, but we think TMZ’s camera cut off the last couple words of Sean Young’s quote. The unedited version said, “I’m so rich now and everybody else is just like, just dying. Like my career.”

Rush Limbaugh gave Chris Matthews incurable hydrophobia

Chris Matthews is foaming at the mouth again, driven to a wild-eyed frenzy by Rush Limbaugh. Matthews barraged a recent Republican Hardball guest with these questions about the conservative talk titan:

“Would you live in a country where he wrote the Constitution?”

“Would you live in a country where he wrote our rights? Listed our rights? Where he listed our rights. Would you live, would you live in that country?”

“Is he a sacred cow?”

“Say something, say something wrong, say something nasty about Rush Limbaugh!”

The Center for Disease Control is expected to issue the following statement: Future Hardball guests are advised to get precautionary rabies shots before approaching Chris Matthews.

Jerry Brown shows why he was nicknamed “Governor Moonbeam”

Jerry Brown has quite a resume: Jesuit seminary drop-out. Former California governor. Current California attorney general. World traveler. Lunatic.

During an interview last week, radio host Michael Savage brought up the Fairness Doctrine and observed that Brown sounded as if he favored state control over the media.

“Well,” Brown said, “a little state control wouldn’t hurt anybody.”

“If you have no views of one side, like in certain campaigns if somebody is attacking you, there’s got to be some room for the other side,” Brown continued. “It’s an attempt to balance, not to censor.”

This is why Jerry had to drop out of the Catholic seminary. He thought the Scientologists and Druids should have equal time every Sunday.

Holy Cow: The New Yorker compares Obama to Gandhi

ghandi_obamaIn a February 23 articled titled “Partisanship, by the bye,” The New Yorker compares President Obama to Mahatma Gandhi.

“Fifty years ago,” the New Yorker said, “the civil-rights movement understood that nonviolence can be an effective weapon even if–or especially if–the other side refuses to follow suit. Obama has a similarly tough-minded understanding of the political uses of bipartisanship, which, even if it fails as a tactic for compromise, can succeed as a tonal strategy: once the other side makes itself appear intransigently, destructively partisan, the game is half won. Obama is learning to throw the ball harder. But it’s not Rovian hardball he’s playing. More like Gandhian hardball.”

We’re not even sure what the hell that means, because the article is written in that smarmy, pseudo-intellectual style meant to impress the reader with the writer’s intellect more than the substance of the article itself.

But to tell you the truth, we also think Obama’s a lot like Gandhi. After all, both of their fathers had multiple wives. Both of them were “community organizers.” Both were attorneys. And both look so damn sexy with their shirts off.

Now, a tingle up our legs:
Rick Santelli’s Trader’s Revolt

Chris Matthews gets tingles up leg listening to Barack Obama. This morning, we at IHateTheMedia.com got tingles up our legs too, but not for the reasons Mathews gets as a result of his mancrush. Ours came when we watched CNBC’s Rick Santelli begin what is being called a “Traders’ Revolt” on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange with fellow traders cheering him on.

We absolutely love it, so we’ll justify playing it here for you to point out the kind of “mad as hell” reporting that we’d like to see more of.

Murderous monkey ends up on top of beheaded woman.

chimp_attack_buffalo_beheading_results

(IHateTheMedia.com Exclusive) We’re professional cynics at IHateTheMedia.com. We’re trained to expect the worst from the media. With that in mind, it seemed to us that the media had paid far more attention to the trivial story of Connecticut’s murderous monkey than the lightning rod story of Buffalo’s beheaded Muslim wife.

Is it possible, we wondered, that the media would intentionally ignore the kind of shocking crime story they normally love, simply because focusing on a murderous Muslim is politically incorrect in the land of liberal news?

So we performed a simple experiment. We searched Google News for both stories. Here, unfortunately, is what we found:

The monkey scored a whopping 2,943 articles in the two days since it occurred. But the far more important story of the Muslim TV executive who decapitated his wife in an “honor killing” racked up a meager 990 articles over six days.

It appears that most major media outlets completely ignored the latter story for several days and then neglected to mention “honor killing” aspect of the story when they finally did report it.

Is this a case of political correctness run amok or just another example of the media’s tendency to glorify the truly trivial? You be the judge.

Either way, it’s a frightening condemnation of the state of journalism in 2009.

Put a fork in another libtalk radio network, it’s done

nova_m_radioThe “On the Air” sign has been turned off for the last time at floundering libtalk network Nova M Radio.

Nova M’s employees remain unpaid for the past two weeks and the company will reportedly seek bankruptcy protection next week. Lunatic talkers Randi Rhodes and Mike Malloy had been the network’s two “big” stars. We use the term “big” advisedly, because Malloy’s program was carried by only eleven radio stations.

Nova M was founded by Anita and Sheldon Drobny, the financial wizards who previously founded Air America, another floundering libtalk radio network.

This is like the old joke. How did Sheldon Drobny make a small fortune in talk radio? He started with a large fortune.

Howard Stern jilting satellite, returning to “real” radio?

howard_sternWhen Howard Stern left terrestrial radio for the world of satellites, he was replaced by three different regional hosts. Two of them went down in flames almost immediately, but CBS Radio had high hopes for the third, comedian Adam Carolla.

Had. As in past tense. Formerly. No more.

AllAccess.com, a popular radio news site, reports that affiliates have been notified that Friday will be Carolla’s last day at CBS Radio.

“Yes, there will be a large announcement, Carolla said. “We will do that tomorrow or later today. We’ll play it by ear. You will find me via the webcast. So all you junkies can get a little hit of the Ace Man methadone.”

Rumors have been floating around the radio industry that CBS wants to kiss and make up with Howard Stern, lure him away from the failing satellite radio experiment, and back to “real” radio.

No matter what happens to Stern, we wish good luck to Carolla. We enjoyed his neurotic ramblings.

So Barack Obama’s in a boat with Tom Daschle and Tim Geithner…

OK, so maybe that wasn’t the joke, but after two long years the late night comedians have finally discovered comedy gold in Barack Obama. At least one of them has.

On Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, Jon Stewart devoted an entire monologue to jokes about Barack Obama. Joke after joke after joke.

Believe it or not, Jay Leno also cracked his first Obama joke. That puts him one ahead of David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson and Steven Colbert.

Obama jokes have been non-existent on late night TV. The man was considered untouchable. In part because the late night hosts agree with his leftwing policies. In part because they feared accusations of racism.

If these guys want really big laughs, we suggest just walk out on stage, look at the audience and say, “Joe Biden.”

We started laughing as we typed it.

NOW’s Statement on the Buffalo Beheading


now_beheading_statementNot even a news story, let alone a statement. And no, we didn’t mean buttons. ‘Nuff said.

Can we Digg this one, please?

Bill Clinton wants attention, resorts to glorification of Gorification.

With Barack Obama hogging the limelight, Bill Clinton’s been feeling kind of neglected lately. So he decided to say something guaranteed to get himself back in the headlines.

The former president appeared on NBC’s Today Show on Monday morning, where the sycophantic Ann Curry asked if the economic crisis is the greatest threat facing the United States.

“In the short run,” Clinton rasped. “In the medium-term, because I think we’ll come out of the economic crisis, terror and the spread of weapons of mass destruction are. In the long term, the prospect that the climate will crater and we won’t be able to preserve civilization is.”

This is actually good news. It’s like a reprieve. We were afraid civilization had ended back when Al Franken announced his candidacy.

See the video at Finkleblog.com.

Octuplets’ PR agency aborts relationship

A Brentwood, California public relations agency has walked out on octuplets mom Nadya Suleman because its owners feared for their lives.

Joann Killeen, president of Killeen Furtney Group, says threatening emails and phone calls began flooding her firm as soon as its connection to Suleman was made public.

“They hope I die, they hope my business goes under, they want to rip her uterus out,” Killeen said. “They say I should be anesthetized and put down like a dog.”

The website Killeen created for Suleman received 55,000 e-mails, most of them negative. She also has piles of angry letters.

You might say Suleman’s litter was literally littered with problems.

Dan Rather wants Obama to do something. And he wants it done now, damn it.

Add formerly-credible newsman Dan Rather to the list of people who are unhappy with the Obama administration.

“Where is the outrage from We The People?,” Rather complained. “And where is the outrage—or sense of outrage—from the Treasury Department, from Congress, and, yes, from the White House and the new president himself?”

“We are in a downward economic spiral and the worst is probably yet to come,” he continued. “The situation threatens our own and future generations. Yet there is no transparency, no accountability, and no clearly-stated plan to pull us out.”

Rather’s tirade was interrupted when caretakers found the cantankerous old newsman huddled in a corner talking to himself. They wiped up the spittle from the corners of his mouth and took him back to his room or as he likes to call it, “Studio One.”

Kids think Obama was born on Krypton and wears a red cape

dear_mr_presidentWe hate the media. Especially when it manipulates kids for political purposes. Like in “Dear Mr. President,” a new e-book chock full of kids’ over-the-top hopes and dreams for President Obama.

But we did like the request from seven-year-old Aaron Van Blerkom of Pasadena, California. “Dear Mr. Obama,” the first grader said, “Please make it rain candy!”

Why did we like it? Because the abilities young Aaron attributes to Obama are not unlike the superhuman abilities his adult supporters seem to believe he possesses.

Naturally, this “Dear Mr. President” deification was produced by the National Education Association and kidthing.com, which also produces a media player for the e-book.

But just to hedge our bets, Mr. President, could you please make IHateTheMedia.com the most powerful, influential website in the universe?

Chris Matthews could just scratch Obama’s eyes out

Chris Matthews has done everything but carve “C.M. loves B.H.O.” on a tree. Yet the object of his affections repeatedly mentions Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, but ignores the MSBNC host.

‘You can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh,” Obama said, “and get things done.”

“With respect to Sean Hannity,” Obama later said, “I didn’t know that he had invited me for a beer. But you know, I will take that under advisement. Generally, his opinion of me does not seem to be very high, but I’m always good for a beer.”

“This bothers me,” Matthews fumed. “What’s the president giving so many shout-outs to conservative radio talk-show hosts? All he talks about is Limbaugh and Sean Hannity…I’m envious. Is this the only way you get this guy’s attention, is to whack him?”

As last week’s Monday night’s press conference demonstrated, Obama likes to talk. A lot. We suspect he knows he’d never get a word in edgewise with the loquacious Matthews.

Gwyneth Paltrow red-faced over green criticism?

paltrow_martinActress Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, rocker Chris Martin, both bleed green. At least publicly. But privately, well, that’s a different matter.

A recent independent audit shows that their London home “leaks” energy. And a lot of it — more than 1,000 kilowatt hours of heat per year. In fact, the Times of London reports that thermal images of Paltrow/Martin and nine other high-profile English eco-wackos found that their homes’ heat loss was no better than what’s found in the average family home and often worse. Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow red-faced over green criticism?”

Reliving the Dream of Muzzammil Hassan

The story of Muzzammil Hassan beheading his wife Aasiya has been purposefully suppressed or under-reported by the mainstream media since the the horrific murder was committed last Thursday in Buffalo, New York.

We know why, of course. It’s because Hassan is a Muslim-American whose mission was to improve the image of Muslims in the United States, and even with the obvious irony of the situation, the press just won’t let a good story get in the way of their agenda. So let’s play along, and instead of telling you more of how Aasiya’s head was knifed off in a manner not exactly in the custom of Americans (yeah, shoot us for saying it), let’s instead just shut the hell up about this unfortunate moment of second-degree rage, and relive the dream of Hassan’s network by relaxing, sitting back and watching this 2004 interview by NBC’s Brian Williams.

Blind man buys nude photo of Madonna for $37,500

Click for full image of photo. Warning: NSFW.
Click for full image of photo. WARNING: NSFW.

We don’t know much about art, but we know ugly when we see it. And that would pretty much sum up our opinion of Madonna.

Nevertheless, someone with an apparently severe vision impairment has paid Christie’s Auction House $37,500 for a full-frontal, nude photo of the pop queen as a 20-year-old.

Madonna was still using her full name — Madonna Louise Ciccone — when the photo was taken. She landed the gig after answering a classified ad seeking a nude model. She may have earned as little as $25 for the photo session.

We just wish we could be there when this poor blind man gets home, proudly unveils his purchase, and his family tells him what it actually is. Continue reading “Blind man buys nude photo of Madonna for $37,500”

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
Verified by MonsterInsights