O’Reilly calls Helen Thomas “Wicked Witch,” she flies off handle

Get the headline? He said she sounds like a witch. Witches ride brooms. Brooms have handles. Thomas flew off the handle. Therefore, we were also saying Thomas is a witch.

Damn, we hate it when the explanation of the headline is longer than the headline itself.

So back to the subject at hand. Bill O’Reilly calls White House reporter Helen Thomas the “Wicked Witch of the East.”

Courtney Martin, a representative from the Women’s Media Center, has a tizzy. She calls O’Reilly sexist for using a cliché about women as witches. O’Reilly wraps things up by telling Martin that she and the WMC “are being used by the left to do this nonsense.”

Seriously, Bill, you may have gone too far this time. Calling Helen Thomas a witch is wrong. Just plain wrong. It’s offensive to witches everywhere.

Wall Street Journal questions Obama’s selection of questioners

The selection is questioners at Obama's press conference was unusual, to say the least.
The selection is questioners at Obama's press conference was unusual, to say the least.

The press corps was gathered at the White House for President Obama’s first primetime press conference. They were on the edge of their seats, hoping to be called on by the Boy Prince.

The press conference started normally enough. Then, as the Wall Street Journal reports, the President started asking the questions.

Looking around the room for NBC’s White House correspondent, the President said, Continue reading “Wall Street Journal questions Obama’s selection of questioners”

The clouds have parted: NY Times says victory possible in Iraq 


After beating the drum of defeat for the last six years, the New York Times has reconsidered. After countless articles filled with words like lost cause…civil war…boondoggle…hopeless…Vietnam…quagmire… the Times has finally seen the obvious.

“This is what victory in the war in Iraq was supposed to look like,” said an article called America’s Scorecard in Iraq.” “Fifteen million Iraqis voting in free and fair (largely) elections, emerging from their polling stations with their purple-stained fingers in an atmosphere that was free (largely) of intimidation or violence.”

In other news, the Times announced that it foresees an imminent victory over Japan in World War II.

Another Democrat stiffs the IRS: Washington, DC mayor Marion Barry

marion_barryMarion Barry’s never-ending melodrama took another turn yesterday.

Prosecutors asked a federal judge to send the former Washington mayor to jail for failing to file tax returns. Barry didn’t fail just once, mind you, but eight times in nine years.

He was originally given three years probation for failing to file returns between 1999 and 2004. Then, when he failed to file again in 2005, prosecutors tried to get that probation revoked. But Judge Deborah Robinson ruled that prosecutors hadn’t proven Barry “willfully” failed to file.

At that point, one would think this clown might be very careful about filing future taxes returns. But when 2007 rolled around, he once again failed to file.

Noting that Barry has now failed to file his taxes for the eighth time in nine years, prosecutors termed the former mayor’s conduct “indefensible.”

This guy’s a born Democrat. If he was Bill Clinton, he’d look straight into the camera and say, “I never had tax with that woman.”

Dick Nixon would have been more appropriate

will_ferrell_youre_welcome_americaWill Ferrell’s comedy has generally been family-oriented. Until now.

Customers are storming out of his Broadway show, “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush,” when an immense photo of a penis is projected on stage and Ferrell implies that it’s the former president’s penis.

“The photo gets one of the great shrieks of delight from the audience,” said Adam McKay, the director of the play, “and it’s also the one moment that is followed by people walking out.”

Even the New York Times said, “No president needs this kind of exposure.”

Don’t you hate it when you agree with the New York Times?

Did the Chinese fake their space walk? Hmmmmm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us8xLsQ1MIE&eurl=http://presurfer.blogspot.com/We’re not conspiracy theory wackos. We absolutely believe American astronauts walked on the moon. Twelve of them on six different missions. They loped around, smacked golf balls, drove that little dune buggy, all that stuff.

But take a look at this video. It claims to reveal the truth behind the Chinese space walk. And it really makes you wonder if there was a little Sino-sleight of hand going on.

We hate the American media. They’ve proven they’re untrustworthy. But what’s this world coming to when you can’t trust the Chinese media?

Muslim leader in Buffalo loses his mind, wife loses her head

buffalo_beheading_coupleIn one of the strangest ironies yet, the founder of the BridgesTV network that was formed to improve the image of Muslim-Americans in the United States was just arrested for beheading his wife.

Muzzammil Hassan, a prominent Buffalo, New York area businessman, is charged with second-degree murder for beheading wife Aasiya Z. Hassan at his company’s office on Thursday.

Will this tragic story get much airplay on the mainstream media? Probably not. The media in this country doesn’t like to report any news that puts a Muslim in bad light.

We just have one question: he beheaded his wife and was only charged with second degree murder? What the hell do you have to do to get charged with first degree murder in Buffalo?

Janeane Garofalo just called you an a-hole

janeane_garofalo__tattooThe lovely and gracious Janeane Garofalo has favored us with another of her sophisticated comments.

We don’t want to imply that the former Air America shrew’s career is in the dumper, but she did an interview with an “environmental celebrity blog.” Good lord, Janeane, that’s one step below talking to IHateTheMedia.com.

“The reason a person is a conservative republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that’s science – that’s neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. It’s counter-intuitive. And they revel in their anti-intellectualism. They revel in their cruelty.”

“…First you have to be an a**hole and then comes the conservatism. You gotta be a d*** to cleave onto their ideology…”

“I really believe that if a neuroscientist examined the brain of somebody who identified as a conservative, they would find it’s wired differently.”

One can only hope, Janeane. One can only hope.

Great News: Harry Reid says income taxes are voluntary!

Here’s an absolutely remarkable video in which Senate majority leader Harry Reid repeatedly explains to a dumbfounded interviewer that paying income taxes is completely voluntary.

Please keep in mind that Reid’s the guy in charge of getting the trillion dollar “stimulus” package through the senate. This is the guy who’s supposedly in charge of writing the tax code. And as far as we can tell, this must be the guy who served as Tim Geithner and Tom Daschle’s tax advisor.

We’d like to pause now to extend our warmest congratulations to Barbara Boxer. As a result of this video, there is now proof that she is no longer the dumbest member of the United States Senate.

Will you help Michael Moore with his next film?

Fat filmmaker Michael Moore is looking for whistleblowers of the Wall Street variety. Check the following message on corpulent corporation basher’s website:

"L" is for Loser
"L" is for Loser

Friends,

I am in the middle of shooting my next movie and I am looking for a few brave people who work on Wall Street or in the financial industry to come forward and share with me what they know. Based on those who have already contacted me, I believe there are a number of you who know “the real deal” about the abuses that have been happening. You have information that the American people need to hear. I am humbly asking you for a moment of courage, to be a hero and help me expose the biggest swindle in American history.

All correspondence with me will be kept confidential. Your identity will be protected and you will decide to what extent you wish to participate in telling the greatest crime story ever told.

We’d like to blow the whistle on the shenanigans going on here at IHateTheMedia.com, Michael, but we fear retribution by the evil mega-conglomerate that owns this website. They are vicious, scum-sucking weasels.

Another Democrat senator wants the Fairness Doctrine back

Bill Press’ floundering radio show seems to be the place where Democrat senators go to say stupid things. Last week is was Senator Debbie Stabenow who wanted the Fairness Doctrine. This week it’s Senator Tom Harkin.

“…They are just shutting down progressive talk from one city after another,” Press said. “All we want is, you know, some balance on the airwaves, that’s all. You know, we’re not going to take any of the conservative voices off the airwaves, but just make sure that there are a few progressives and liberals out there, right?

“That’s why we need the Fairness Doctrine back,” Harkin responded.

We hereby propose the Congressional Fairness Doctrine. Here’s how it works. Each state gets two senators. If a state elects one stupid senator, an additional intelligent one would have to be appointed to serve simultaneously.

Only problem is New York, Massachusetts, and California would end up with four senators each.

Newsweek just called you a socialist

The Socialist States of America?
The Socialist States of America?

The latest cover of Newsweek says “We Are All Socialists Now.” The story is actually a short editorial that begins by attacking talk show host Sean Hannity and Congressman Michael Pence for refusing to surrender to the new, socialist paradise that is America.

“It is…the European Socialist Act of 2009,” Hannity said while talking to Pence about the “stimulus” bill. “We’re counting on you to stop it.”

“There it was,” Newsweek editorialized, “just before the commercial: the S word, a favorite among conservatives since John McCain began using it during the presidential campaign…But it seems strangely beside the point. The U.S. government has already—under a conservative Republican administration—effectively nationalized the banking and mortgage industries…the America of 2009 is moving toward a modern European state.”

Last week Newsweek announced that it would soon be moving away from words and to a much more photo-oriented design.

The change can’t come soon enough.

“The Grammys” may change name to “The Barackies”

grammy_awardThe 51st Annual Grammy Awards celebrated great singers, great musicians and, of course, Obama the Great.

First, the President received two Grammys for reading his own audio books. Then, Neil Portnow, president of the Grammys, declared his love for Obama by chanting “Yes we can!” and urging him to create a cabinet level Culture Commissar.

“Our finest national treasure is our culture and the arts,” Portnow said, “It’s time that we acknowledge that fact with the creation of a cabinet position of secretary of the arts to promote and develop this vital contribution to society everywhere.”

Bill Clinton immediately applied for the position. “That Pink chick is kind of hot in a scary kind of way,” he said, “Think she’d like to date the Culture Commissar?”

NPR embarrassed by Juan Williams, taxpayers embarrassed by NPR

juan williamsNPR is supposed to stand for National Public Radio. But based on their latest flap with liberal commentator Juan Williams, the initials seem to stand for No Public Relations.

“Last year,” said Alicia Shepard, an NPR ombudsman, “378 listeners emailed me complaints and frustrations about things Williams said on Fox. The listener themes are similar: Williams ‘dishonors NPR.’ He’s an ‘embarrassment to NPR.’ NPR should severe their relationship with him.’”

Ellen Weiss, Vice President of News at NPR, is so concerned about it that she “has asked Williams to ask that Fox remove his NPR identification whenever he is on O’Reilly.”

All this simply because Williams occasionally deviates from the officially-scripted leftwing line.

In other news, NPR reported that 647 listeners complained that Lenin was too conservative, Marx was a rightwing lackey, and Mao was a fascist. All three have now asked O’Reilly to stop identifying them as communists.

Terrorist Bill Ayers life to become “graphic novel”

Terrorist Bill Ayers standing on the American flag
Terrorist Bill Ayers shows his hatred for the country by standing on the American flag

A trade publisher that specializes in the theory and practice of teacher education has reached agreement on a “book” deal with Bill Ayers.

Teachers College Press refers to Ayers as “the University of Illinois at Chicago professor, lauded educational theorist and former leader of the radical 1960s Weather Underground.” They neglect to mention “unrepentant terrorist who regrets that he didn’t do more bombing and killing.”

The graphic novel will be called “To Teach: The Graphic Memoir” with art by Xeric Award-winner Ryan Alexander-Tanner.

If you’re not familiar with the term “graphic novel,” let us explain. It’s a freakin’ comic book. They’re publishing this terrorist’s memoirs as a comic book.

We recommend they buy some extra red ink to illustrate all the blood for which this guy’s responsible.

We’re in love with a 25-year old Virgin

We hate the media, but we love Richard Branson’s uncanny ability to manipulate it.

Branson’s Virgin Atlantic airline is celebrating its 25th anniversary with a new TV commercial. It features a sexy, red-suited female cabin crew walking through an otherwise gloomy airport prior to the airline’s inaugural flight in 1984.

Great Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority has received 29 complaints that the ad campaign is sexist and insulting to women. The complaints say the campaign uses sex to sell the airline.

Egad, gadzooks and forsooth! (Do they still say that in England?). Richard Branson using sex to sell? They must be mistaken.

We say, let’s make Richard Branson a citizen and elect him president (Don’t send letters — we know it would be unconstitutional).

Seriously, this is a guy who could say, “Yes we can” and really mean it.

Fox child porn producer’s twitter page

Aaron Bruns Twitter page photo, in Obama '08 chair
Aaron Bruns Twitter page photo, in Obama

The press has been reporting that Aaron Bruns was a Fox producer covering the Hillary Clinton campaign. But Bruns’ twitter page makes it clear he was covering Joe Biden.

The most surprising thing about the page is that Bruns’ tweets are so remarkably pedestrian. Mind-numbingly dull, in fact.

We’ve only been able to make them interesting by taking them completely out of context and making it appear that they have some salacious meaning, which they didn’t.

“Hey there! abruns is using Twitter.”

“CNN has icecream!”

“Biden said…”children are off limits.”

“this is beyond disappointing. This is beyond disappointing. This is wrong.”

“Beautiful Reno, NV, where every hotel room has too many mirrors”

“i’m getting hard. i’m a hard guy.”

“…wondering how Trojan condoms got a spot so close to the Pepsi Center… and what the hell is in their inflatable tent???”

Next time you can’t sleep, read Bruns’ twitter page. You will soon be sleeping in the sweet, sweet arms of Morpheus.

Joy Behar is an incoherent plagarist. Whoopi Goldberg says, “Hey, that’s my job.”

On Thursday, February 5, Time Magazine said Republican critics of the President’s “stimulus” plan are like the geese that caused the crash of US Airways Flight 1549.

“It’s hard to take Republican leaders too seriously when they criticize the recovery plans for the economy; it’s sort of like those geese criticizing the evacuation plans for US Airways Flight 1549.”

On Tuesday, February 10, Joy Behar, one of the harpies on ABC’s The View, liked the line so much that she decided to “borrow” it. Problem is, Behar delivered her version of the line almost incoherently.

“You know, Obama’s like that pilot Sullenberg…berger, who, you know, and the Republicans are like the geese that flew into the, you know, it’s like they’re stopping the plane.”

Hard to believe that someone paid to express her opinions expresses them so poorly.

See what we mean on the video.

Cafferty: Obama sticking pins in Nancy Pelosi doll

jack-caffertyCNN’s Jack Cafferty blames Nancy Pelosi for the Democrats problems. What problems? Didn’t we officially change the name of this country to Paradise on Inauguration Day?

“Democrats are squandering their advantage and threatening to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory,” Cafferty wrote. “Under [Pelosi’s] leadership, House Democrats excluded Republicans from having any voice in crafting the stimulus package.”

“…Democrats busily loaded up the bill with stuff they had been unable to get for eight years…All while Americans lose their homes, their jobs, and their savings. It was both childish and disgraceful.”

“My guess is President Obama is busy these days sticking pins in his Nancy Pelosi doll.”

Our guess is President Obama also has a Chatty Joey doll. You pull the string and it says something stupid.

Ed Schultz booted off the radio, lands at Obama press conference

ed_schultz_radioWhen Ed Schultz, floundering left-wing radio host, was booted off the air in Washington, DC yesterday, observers wondered where he would end up next.

The surprising answer? In the front row at President Obama’s press conference.

As if to segregate the unsuccessful and the unattractive in one small area, Schultz was seated next to aesthetically-challenged reporter Helen Thomas. Miffed network correspondents were relegated to the second row.

“What’s the problem,” Helen Thomas thought to herself. “This dough-faced lunatic is just as impartial as I am.”

Northern Ireland bans British global warming commercials

Sammy Wilson, Northern Ireland’s outspoken environment minister, has banned the British government’s climate change TV commercials. He said their message is “insidious propaganda.”

Wilson believes we should learn to cope with natural climate change, rather than waste our resources attempting to slow down a “man-made” problem.

The objectionable TV commercials are part of the British government’s “Act on CO2″ campaign. They encourage the public to reduce its use of electricity and fossil fuels.

The British responded by saying, “We’ll deal with Sammy Wilson and the global warming problem as soon as we can get all this damn snow off the streets.”

King beats Olbermann, Fox beats everyone

Highlights of this week’s cable news ratings. Fox continues its run of dominant ratings thanks to growing dissatisfaction with the Keystone Kops administration in Washington, DC. Larry King topped Keith Olbermaniac. Rachel Maddow climbed back into the top ten dispite rather lackluster numbers.

Here’s a look at the top ten cable TV shows for February 11, 2009:

Network Program Total Audience
Fox News O’Reilly 3,494,000
Fox News Hannity 2,658,000
Fox News Beck 2,370,000
Fox News Baier 2,305,000
Fox News Shep Smith 2,190,000
Fox News Greta 1,847,000
CNN King 1,761,000
MSNBC Olbermann 1,485,000
CNN Cooper 1,286,000
CNN Blitzer 1,246,000
MSNBC Maddow 1,240,000

UPDATE: Math was never our strong suit. Looks like Maddow didn’t climb into the top ten after all. Her show was actually Number 11.

Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?

Just based on the following comment, some crafty publisher is probably preparing a book called, “The Wit and Wisdom of Our Fearless Leader.” Because this Obama guy, he’s a laugh riot.

“I know that there are a lot of folks out there who’ve been saying, ‘Oh, this is pork, and this is money that’s going to be wasted,’ and et cetera, et cetera,” President Obama glibly noted. “Understand, this bill does not have a single earmark in it, which is unprecedented for a bill of this size…There aren’t individual pork projects that members of Congress are putting into this bill.”

To that, we say, “If that ain’t pork we smell, they must be barbecuing ribs over at Harry Reed’s house.”

If the media won’t tell you what’s in it, we will. Here, thanks to the good folks over at National Review Online, is a brief list of the pork that peppers the “stimulus” bill: Continue reading “Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?”

Beagle voted Grand Kleagle? PETA compares kennel club to KKK

dog_close_upThe lunatics from PETA protested outside the Westminster Kennel Club dog show yesterday and compared the American Kennel Club to the Ku Klux Klan.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals contends that pure-breeding is harmful to dogs’ health.

One banner said, “Welcome AKC Members,” but “AKC” was crossed out replaced by “KKK.” PETA protesters dressed up in KKK garb, complete with white robes and tall, pointy hats.

Inside the arena, the AKA announced that only white dogs would be considered for Best of Show and dark colored dogs were forced to drink their water from separate, but equal bowls.

Salon.com admits obvious: “The new Great Communicator…isn’t.”

Ahhhh, excuse us while we sit back, put our feet up on the footstool and eat bonbons while we laugh our asses off.

OK, we’re back now.

A story by Joan Walsh at Salon.com last week said, “Obama is stumbling in the stimulus debate — and public support is dropping — because for 30 years Republicans have lied about the role of government. Now he’s got to tell the truth.”

That’s right. Obama is flailing around like an inmate in a straight jacket because Republicans lied. Because big government is good. Because taxes aren’t high enough.

Admittedly, we merely skimmed the article. Does anyone know if it mentions Democrats deserting Obama like rats off a sinking ship? Or the series of ethical lapses unmatched in the early days of any administration? Or the rhetoric not matching the reality?

This story really upsets us. Because hate it when other writers are funnier than we are.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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