editor – Page 218 – I HATE THE MEDIA ™

Did the Chinese fake their space walk? Hmmmmm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us8xLsQ1MIE&eurl=http://presurfer.blogspot.com/We’re not conspiracy theory wackos. We absolutely believe American astronauts walked on the moon. Twelve of them on six different missions. They loped around, smacked golf balls, drove that little dune buggy, all that stuff.

But take a look at this video. It claims to reveal the truth behind the Chinese space walk. And it really makes you wonder if there was a little Sino-sleight of hand going on.

We hate the American media. They’ve proven they’re untrustworthy. But what’s this world coming to when you can’t trust the Chinese media?

Janeane Garofalo just called you an a-hole

janeane_garofalo__tattoo The lovely and gracious Janeane Garofalo has favored us with another of her sophisticated comments.

We don’t want to imply that the former Air America shrew’s career is in the dumper, but she did an interview with an “environmental celebrity blog.” Good lord, Janeane, that’s one step below talking to IHateTheMedia.com.

“The reason a person is a conservative republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that’s science – that’s neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. It’s counter-intuitive. And they revel in their anti-intellectualism. They revel in their cruelty.”

“…First you have to be an a**hole and then comes the conservatism. You gotta be a d*** to cleave onto their ideology…”

“I really believe that if a neuroscientist examined the brain of somebody who identified as a conservative, they would find it’s wired differently.”

One can only hope, Janeane. One can only hope.

Great News: Harry Reid says income taxes are voluntary!

Here’s an absolutely remarkable video in which Senate majority leader Harry Reid repeatedly explains to a dumbfounded interviewer that paying income taxes is completely voluntary.

Please keep in mind that Reid’s the guy in charge of getting the trillion dollar “stimulus” package through the senate. This is the guy who’s supposedly in charge of writing the tax code. And as far as we can tell, this must be the guy who served as Tim Geithner and Tom Daschle’s tax advisor.

We’d like to pause now to extend our warmest congratulations to Barbara Boxer. As a result of this video, there is now proof that she is no longer the dumbest member of the United States Senate.

Will you help Michael Moore with his next film?

Fat filmmaker Michael Moore is looking for whistleblowers of the Wall Street variety. Check the following message on corpulent corporation basher’s website:

Friends,

I am in the middle of shooting my next movie and I am looking for a few brave people who work on Wall Street or in the financial industry to come forward and share with me what they know. Based on those who have already contacted me, I believe there are a number of you who know “the real deal” about the abuses that have been happening. You have information that the American people need to hear. I am humbly asking you for a moment of courage, to be a hero and help me expose the biggest swindle in American history.

All correspondence with me will be kept confidential. Your identity will be protected and you will decide to what extent you wish to participate in telling the greatest crime story ever told.

We’d like to blow the whistle on the shenanigans going on here at IHateTheMedia.com, Michael, but we fear retribution by the evil mega-conglomerate that owns this website. They are vicious, scum-sucking weasels.

Another Democrat senator wants the Fairness Doctrine back

Bill Press’ floundering radio show seems to be the place where Democrat senators go to say stupid things. Last week is was Senator Debbie Stabenow who wanted the Fairness Doctrine. This week it’s Senator Tom Harkin.

“…They are just shutting down progressive talk from one city after another,” Press said. “All we want is, you know, some balance on the airwaves, that’s all. You know, we’re not going to take any of the conservative voices off the airwaves, but just make sure that there are a few progressives and liberals out there, right?

“That’s why we need the Fairness Doctrine back,” Harkin responded.

We hereby propose the Congressional Fairness Doctrine. Here’s how it works. Each state gets two senators. If a state elects one stupid senator, an additional intelligent one would have to be appointed to serve simultaneously.

Only problem is New York, Massachusetts, and California would end up with four senators each.

Newsweek just called you a socialist

The latest cover of Newsweek says “We Are All Socialists Now.” The story is actually a short editorial that begins by attacking talk show host Sean Hannity and Congressman Michael Pence for refusing to surrender to the new, socialist paradise that is America.

“It is…the European Socialist Act of 2009,” Hannity said while talking to Pence about the “stimulus” bill. “We’re counting on you to stop it.”

“There it was,” Newsweek editorialized, “just before the commercial: the S word, a favorite among conservatives since John McCain began using it during the presidential campaign…But it seems strangely beside the point. The U.S. government has already—under a conservative Republican administration—effectively nationalized the banking and mortgage industries…the America of 2009 is moving toward a modern European state.”

Last week Newsweek announced that it would soon be moving away from words and to a much more photo-oriented design.

The change can’t come soon enough.

“The Grammys” may change name to “The Barackies”

grammy_award The 51st Annual Grammy Awards celebrated great singers, great musicians and, of course, Obama the Great.

First, the President received two Grammys for reading his own audio books. Then, Neil Portnow, president of the Grammys, declared his love for Obama by chanting “Yes we can!” and urging him to create a cabinet level Culture Commissar.

“Our finest national treasure is our culture and the arts,” Portnow said, “It’s time that we acknowledge that fact with the creation of a cabinet position of secretary of the arts to promote and develop this vital contribution to society everywhere.”

Bill Clinton immediately applied for the position. “That Pink chick is kind of hot in a scary kind of way,” he said, “Think she’d like to date the Culture Commissar?”

NPR embarrassed by Juan Williams, taxpayers embarrassed by NPR

NPR is supposed to stand for National Public Radio. But based on their latest flap with liberal commentator Juan Williams, the initials seem to stand for No Public Relations.

“Last year,” said Alicia Shepard, an NPR ombudsman, “378 listeners emailed me complaints and frustrations about things Williams said on Fox. The listener themes are similar: Williams ‘dishonors NPR.’ He’s an ‘embarrassment to NPR.’ NPR should severe their relationship with him.’”

Ellen Weiss, Vice President of News at NPR, is so concerned about it that she “has asked Williams to ask that Fox remove his NPR identification whenever he is on O’Reilly.”

All this simply because Williams occasionally deviates from the officially-scripted leftwing line.

In other news, NPR reported that 647 listeners complained that Lenin was too conservative, Marx was a rightwing lackey, and Mao was a fascist. All three have now asked O’Reilly to stop identifying them as communists.

Terrorist Bill Ayers life to become “graphic novel”

Terrorist Bill Ayers standing on the American flag — Terrorist Bill Ayers shows his hatred for the country by standing on the American flag

A trade publisher that specializes in the theory and practice of teacher education has reached agreement on a “book” deal with Bill Ayers.

Teachers College Press refers to Ayers as “the University of Illinois at Chicago professor, lauded educational theorist and former leader of the radical 1960s Weather Underground.” They neglect to mention “unrepentant terrorist who regrets that he didn’t do more bombing and killing.”

The graphic novel will be called “To Teach: The Graphic Memoir” with art by Xeric Award-winner Ryan Alexander-Tanner.

If you’re not familiar with the term “graphic novel,” let us explain. It’s a freakin’ comic book. They’re publishing this terrorist’s memoirs as a comic book.

We recommend they buy some extra red ink to illustrate all the blood for which this guy’s responsible.

We’re in love with a 25-year old Virgin

We hate the media, but we love Richard Branson’s uncanny ability to manipulate it.

Branson’s Virgin Atlantic airline is celebrating its 25th anniversary with a new TV commercial. It features a sexy, red-suited female cabin crew walking through an otherwise gloomy airport prior to the airline’s inaugural flight in 1984.

Great Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority has received 29 complaints that the ad campaign is sexist and insulting to women. The complaints say the campaign uses sex to sell the airline.

Egad, gadzooks and forsooth! (Do they still say that in England?). Richard Branson using sex to sell? They must be mistaken.

We say, let’s make Richard Branson a citizen and elect him president (Don’t send letters — we know it would be unconstitutional).

Seriously, this is a guy who could say, “Yes we can” and really mean it.

Fox child porn producer’s twitter page

Aaron Bruns Twitter page photo, in Obama '08 chair — Aaron Bruns Twitter page photo, in Obama

The press has been reporting that Aaron Bruns was a Fox producer covering the Hillary Clinton campaign. But Bruns’ twitter page makes it clear he was covering Joe Biden.

The most surprising thing about the page is that Bruns’ tweets are so remarkably pedestrian. Mind-numbingly dull, in fact.

We’ve only been able to make them interesting by taking them completely out of context and making it appear that they have some salacious meaning, which they didn’t.

“Hey there! abruns is using Twitter.”

“CNN has icecream!”

“Biden said…”children are off limits.”

“this is beyond disappointing. This is beyond disappointing. This is wrong.”

“Beautiful Reno, NV, where every hotel room has too many mirrors”

“i’m getting hard. i’m a hard guy.”

“…wondering how Trojan condoms got a spot so close to the Pepsi Center… and what the hell is in their inflatable tent???”

Next time you can’t sleep, read Bruns’ twitter page. You will soon be sleeping in the sweet, sweet arms of Morpheus.

Joy Behar is an incoherent plagarist. Whoopi Goldberg says, “Hey, that’s my job.”

On Thursday, February 5, Time Magazine said Republican critics of the President’s “stimulus” plan are like the geese that caused the crash of US Airways Flight 1549.

“It’s hard to take Republican leaders too seriously when they criticize the recovery plans for the economy; it’s sort of like those geese criticizing the evacuation plans for US Airways Flight 1549.”

On Tuesday, February 10, Joy Behar, one of the harpies on ABC’s The View, liked the line so much that she decided to “borrow” it. Problem is, Behar delivered her version of the line almost incoherently.

“You know, Obama’s like that pilot Sullenberg…berger, who, you know, and the Republicans are like the geese that flew into the, you know, it’s like they’re stopping the plane.”

Hard to believe that someone paid to express her opinions expresses them so poorly.

See what we mean on the video.

Cafferty: Obama sticking pins in Nancy Pelosi doll

jack-cafferty CNN’s Jack Cafferty blames Nancy Pelosi for the Democrats problems. What problems? Didn’t we officially change the name of this country to Paradise on Inauguration Day?

“Democrats are squandering their advantage and threatening to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory,” Cafferty wrote. “Under [Pelosi’s] leadership, House Democrats excluded Republicans from having any voice in crafting the stimulus package.”

“…Democrats busily loaded up the bill with stuff they had been unable to get for eight years…All while Americans lose their homes, their jobs, and their savings. It was both childish and disgraceful.”

“My guess is President Obama is busy these days sticking pins in his Nancy Pelosi doll.”

Our guess is President Obama also has a Chatty Joey doll. You pull the string and it says something stupid.

Ed Schultz booted off the radio, lands at Obama press conference

ed_schultz_radio When Ed Schultz, floundering left-wing radio host, was booted off the air in Washington, DC yesterday, observers wondered where he would end up next.

The surprising answer? In the front row at President Obama’s press conference.

As if to segregate the unsuccessful and the unattractive in one small area, Schultz was seated next to aesthetically-challenged reporter Helen Thomas. Miffed network correspondents were relegated to the second row.

“What’s the problem,” Helen Thomas thought to herself. “This dough-faced lunatic is just as impartial as I am.”

Northern Ireland bans British global warming commercials

Sammy Wilson, Northern Ireland’s outspoken environment minister, has banned the British government’s climate change TV commercials. He said their message is “insidious propaganda.”

Wilson believes we should learn to cope with natural climate change, rather than waste our resources attempting to slow down a “man-made” problem.

The objectionable TV commercials are part of the British government’s “Act on CO2″ campaign. They encourage the public to reduce its use of electricity and fossil fuels.

The British responded by saying, “We’ll deal with Sammy Wilson and the global warming problem as soon as we can get all this damn snow off the streets.”

King beats Olbermann, Fox beats everyone

Highlights of this week’s cable news ratings. Fox continues its run of dominant ratings thanks to growing dissatisfaction with the Keystone Kops administration in Washington, DC. Larry King topped Keith Olbermaniac. Rachel Maddow climbed back into the top ten dispite rather lackluster numbers.

Here’s a look at the top ten cable TV shows for February 11, 2009:

Network	Program	Total Audience
Fox News	O’Reilly	3,494,000
Fox News	Hannity	2,658,000
Fox News	Beck	2,370,000
Fox News	Baier	2,305,000
Fox News	Shep Smith	2,190,000
Fox News	Greta	1,847,000
CNN	King	1,761,000
MSNBC	Olbermann	1,485,000
CNN	Cooper	1,286,000
CNN	Blitzer	1,246,000
MSNBC	Maddow	1,240,000

UPDATE: Math was never our strong suit. Looks like Maddow didn’t climb into the top ten after all. Her show was actually Number 11.

Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?

Just based on the following comment, some crafty publisher is probably preparing a book called, “The Wit and Wisdom of Our Fearless Leader.” Because this Obama guy, he’s a laugh riot.

“I know that there are a lot of folks out there who’ve been saying, ‘Oh, this is pork, and this is money that’s going to be wasted,’ and et cetera, et cetera,” President Obama glibly noted. “Understand, this bill does not have a single earmark in it, which is unprecedented for a bill of this size…There aren’t individual pork projects that members of Congress are putting into this bill.”

To that, we say, “If that ain’t pork we smell, they must be barbecuing ribs over at Harry Reed’s house.”

If the media won’t tell you what’s in it, we will. Here, thanks to the good folks over at National Review Online, is a brief list of the pork that peppers the “stimulus” bill: Continue reading “Welcome to 1600 Porksylvania Avenue. Can we take you on a tour?”

Beagle voted Grand Kleagle? PETA compares kennel club to KKK

dog_close_up The lunatics from PETA protested outside the Westminster Kennel Club dog show yesterday and compared the American Kennel Club to the Ku Klux Klan.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals contends that pure-breeding is harmful to dogs’ health.

One banner said, “Welcome AKC Members,” but “AKC” was crossed out replaced by “KKK.” PETA protesters dressed up in KKK garb, complete with white robes and tall, pointy hats.

Inside the arena, the AKA announced that only white dogs would be considered for Best of Show and dark colored dogs were forced to drink their water from separate, but equal bowls.

Salon.com admits obvious: “The new Great Communicator…isn’t.”

Ahhhh, excuse us while we sit back, put our feet up on the footstool and eat bonbons while we laugh our asses off.

OK, we’re back now.

A story by Joan Walsh at Salon.com last week said, “Obama is stumbling in the stimulus debate — and public support is dropping — because for 30 years Republicans have lied about the role of government. Now he’s got to tell the truth.”

That’s right. Obama is flailing around like an inmate in a straight jacket because Republicans lied. Because big government is good. Because taxes aren’t high enough.

Admittedly, we merely skimmed the article. Does anyone know if it mentions Democrats deserting Obama like rats off a sinking ship? Or the series of ethical lapses unmatched in the early days of any administration? Or the rhetoric not matching the reality?

This story really upsets us. Because hate it when other writers are funnier than we are.

UPDATE: Detail of Aaron Bruns’ disgusting kiddie porn charges

Details of the child porn charges against a Fox News producer are even more disgusting than originally feared. Videos and photos on 29-year old Aaron Bruns’ laptop computer reportedly show “children under the age of ten being sexually abused by adult men and women.” Law enforcement officials indicate some of the children may be as young as five.

Sadly, this isn’t Bruns’ first child porn problem. He had been sentenced to three years probation after pleading guilty to distributing child porn over the internet back in 1999. At the time, police said they had found 6,000 pornographic images of children on his laptop computer at the University of Michigan.

WARNING: A copy of the affidavit in support of Bruns’ arrest warrant can be found by clicking on the following links. It is not for the squeamish, because it contains graphic detail about the vile nature of the porn found on Bruns’ laptop.

Aaron Bruns Affidavit Page 1
Aaron Bruns Affidavit Page 2

Obama names Republican to head Commerce, then takes away his responsibilities

acorn Hispanic and black groups didn’t like the idea of Republican Judd Gregg being named Commerce Secretary and having responsibility for the census. No, no, no. Didn’t like it at all.

So President Obama compliantly stripped census responsibilities away from Gregg and said the Director of the Census would now report directly to the White House. Republicans know that when Obama said “White House,” he really means Rahm Emanual, long-time Democratic political operative and nastiest man in Washington, DC.

The census is important politically because it is used to re-apportion congressional districts and to dole out federal funding. So it probably won’t be long before ACORN volunteers are hired to handle the census as efficiently as they already handle voter registration.

Consider it corruption you can believe in.

Lefty Krugman likes Republican stimulus plan. Kinda. Sorta.

Don’t get too carried away with the headline. In reality, he doesn’t like either “stimulus” plan. He just likes Obama’s plan less than the Republican plan.

“Mr. Obama got nothing in return for his bipartisan outreach,” Paul Krugman concluded a recent article. “Not one Republican voted for the House version of the stimulus plan, which was, by the way, better focused than the original administration proposal.”

Krugman’s faint praise is like saying, “Your second ugliest sister is prettier than your ugliest sister.”

But he doesn’t really want to kiss either of them.

China demonstrates how the Fairness Doctrine would work

Those wily Chinese always seem to be one step ahead of us lately. Even in implementing the Fairness Doctrine.

A protestor recently tossed a shoe at Chinese premier Wen – in imitation of the Iraqi reporter who hurled a shoe at President Bush – during his speech in England.

Chinese state-run newspapers and websites reported on Wen’s speech but ignored the shoe-throwing. Independent websites that mention the incident appear to have been censored. The official Xinhua News Agency reported that Britain apologized for an incident but never mentioned what what it was apologizing for.

Consider this a preview of American radio after politicians implement the Fairness Doctrine and begin their own favored programming.

Leahy wants “Truth Commission” to investigate Bush administration

Speaking as if he had stepped out of the pages of George Orwell’s novel 1984, Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy said he wants to appoint a “Truth Commission” to investigate a whole range of decisions made during the Bush administration. He says it’s not intended to “humiliate” people, but to discover the truth.

Specifically, Leahy wants to look into detainee abuse, politically-inspired actions at the Justice Department, and matters of Iraq prewar intelligence. “I’m doing this not to humiliate people or punish people,” Leahy said, “but to get the truth out.”

“And after we get the Truth Commission going,” Leahy added, “we’ll start construction on the re-education…I mean summer camps for the Republicans…I mean defendants.”

“The War on Terror” now hate speech

Words matter according to President Obama. Especially when they might offend the sensitive terrorists of the world.

“Words matter in this situation,” Obama told Anderson Cooper, “because one of the ways we’re going to win this struggle is through the battle of hearts and minds.”

Obama thinks we can cozy up to moderate Muslims if we choose our words carefully. So “The War on Terror” is out. Instead, Obama uses inoffensive but meaningless platitudes like “the enduring struggle against terrorism and extremism.”

Obviously, with all the tax cheats running rampant in his administration, Obama hasn’t had time to work up a catchy new phrase to replace “The War on Terror.” So we’re here to help. How about:

“The Obama Thrill-O-Rama”
or
“The Dynamite Vest Dance Recital.”
or
“57 Virgin Tour 2009”

We’re here for you, Barack. Call us anytime.

Shang Kwon on Merry Christmas 2024: “Merry Christmas…and welcome back!” Dec 26, 05:49
CO2Insanity on See the Epstein trial records.: “Fixed.” Jul 4, 07:13
JPTravis on See the Epstein trial records.: “This is a test. My last comment never showed up.” Jul 4, 06:33
JPTravis on See the Epstein trial records.: “I read about this. What a despicable performance by the Florida prosecutors. It seems clear they were bought and paid…” Jul 3, 06:51
deepthinker on Biden in France for D-Day, just tried to sit on an invisible chair.: “Are you sure he was trying to sit or did he do the Biden and really sit?” Jun 16, 04:10